Sunday, November 25, 2007

My Soul On A Sunday Night

Last night went o.k... just went to a local microbrewery and chilled, had a bite to eat and then went next door to a Karaoke bar... of course I sang 3 songs, as we were trying to get Richie's friend Justin to sing a song in the style of "Cartman" from South Park, which he eventually obliged... it drew quite a response. Then we went back to his place and watched him play Guitar Hero... then finally we came back home and crashed out, maybe about 4:00 a.m.

So Sunday night: Just reflecting here, relaxing and watching some videos of Mike Patton, one more musician who takes me 'back in the day'. He's had so many cool projects... Not everyone "gets" Mike Patton, but for those who do, he rules.

Today was rainy and relaxing in that way but in the other ways I still don't quite know what the meaning of this life is. I think I know sometimes, and I think I'm on the right trail, but then I realize that I am just an extra cog that could neither make or break the operation of anything that goes on around me... I wonder if I have indeed made the right choices, and am in the right place at the right time. I know that I always say we are always where we are supposed to be and doing exactly what we are meant to do at any given moment, in terms of destiny and all but I still can't help but doubt, and wonder why everyone acts the way that they do. I just wish I could get some control about a few things in my own life... just find a way to have a little power. All I want is to be happy, relaxed and un-stressed, and cared about... and I don't want to die alone... I don't think that's too much in the high-hopes department. Well, I'm off to prepare for a full week of work after a holiday weekend, which is not looking very fun right now, but maybe it'll go well... Just gotta keep on keeping on I guess.


Jay said...

I love microbreweries. I always get a sampler platter and then get a couple of the ones I liked best.

I was on the road all day! I get to sleep in my own bed tonight though!

Further on up the road said...

Don't we all doubt? Well I know I do... "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" (quote from page 83 or 84 of Alcoholics Anonymous). Well I think that people who get there have that serenity you talk about but my God that is hard work to get there.

One thing I believe the control you grave - doesn't exist. Go ask some others who you think have it? I think a lot will say they have this stress, that pressure. Every now and then you meet some shining light who truly is calm and without that and generally you find it's simply because they choose not to engage with the nonsense rather than that their lives are any different from others. Serenity and control of you life is a state of mind not an external change.