Monday, December 31, 2007

Wait Til Tomorrow?

Got my party going... got my friends around, having a good time, looking forward to a whole new year. Yeah, it's tomorrow... Happy 2008. Hope yours is full of peace, love, happiness and prosperity.

Friday, December 28, 2007

On Kissing Frogs

12/28, yeah. We've today and 3 more days left in this whole entire year. 6 years ago, I skipped on up to the J.P. and said "I Do" to Mr. J., as he did to me. Afterwards, we had Barbecue at a little place in Midtown called "The Bar-B-Q Shop". Sound like the perfect romantic wedding?? lol Probably doesn't, but it's what happened. Some things are more practical than our story-book fantasies, as a result, we saved money and we bought our house about 6 months later... No, it's not my dream home, but it's fine. I am not being negative about the whole thing, I'm just telling how it is. We have a good life, everything we need and share a lot of laughs and love. Those are the biggies, right? So I can't say I'm doing bad, not bad at all. Thank you Richie, I'm very happy that we've made it this far, and I hope we can look forward to many more... Happy Anniversary. I Love You. :)

You can't make it to "I Do", however without kissing your share of frogs... I guess I kissed a few in my time. I was thinking about that recently, while thinking about how unbelievable it is that I actually got married and have been now for these six years.

I've told some of my stories to you in the past, if you have been around or read them, you know that I wanted my first kiss, first 'everything' to be with Bob (from my Motorcycle Madness story). I eventually did get to kiss Bob, but that happened some time later. I wanted to be kissing like all of the other girls in my class, when we received our high school class rings as we had this little 'tradition' of turning our class rings once around our fingers when we were kissed. I felt like an outcast, and I just knew it was never going to happen for me. We got our rings sometime in our tenth grade year.

So my first kiss? It finally happened at 17, with Larry R... I met Larry when one of my best friends, "Kay Kay" (to protect her anonymity) was chasing Ricky. Ricky and Larry were older boys, "bad boys" who drove fast cars and specialized in 'badassedness'. When the weekend rolled around and our parents let us out of the house, we would ride around town and always "pop in unexpectedly" at their apartment over near the local community college.

This particular night, the night I first saw him, we were by for our usual harassment visit, only Ricky was not home. We knew this because a guy we'd never met before answered the door (Larry). I looked him up and down and I liked what I saw. He was built, muscular but not too muscular, and although his hair was kind of reddish brown, and I normally didn't like red hair on guys, I was immediately hooked. I could tell he had an attitude.

He told us to come in and wait for Ricky if we wanted to, and we stepped in and sat on their couch. He excused himself to take a shower, and a few minutes later he came flying out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, turns on the radio and begins dancing... While I waited for the towel to fall off, K and I looked at each other in astonishment. What is with this guy?? That's what we were thinking.

Now, not only did she have a 'crush' to stalk, so did I... we continued our unannounced harassments visits until one day, Ricky and Larry just up and moved. All we knew is that they moved to the next small town over. It became our priority to find out where their new abode was. So the next couple of weekends, we spend driving around looking for them. It did not take us long. She spotted Ricky's car, and although I was about to jump out of my skin with nervousness, we invited ourselves over. You must remember, I was quite painfully shy back then, and would have rather died at that moment than barge in to their house when clearly I doubted they expected us to find them or even wanted us to know where they lived. K always got us into trouble like that though.

They never said anything bad to us, Ricky usually treated K alright about the visits, and she even got to make out with him once... I think it might have been on the same night that I kissed Larry actually.

It was one of those nights, we arrived at their house, and Ricky was home by himself. Needless to say I was highly disappointed because I had it bad for Larry, and wanted to see him really bad. So I sat on the couch while K was in the back making out with Ricky. I listened to music, and waited... wondering if he was ever going to get there. It seemed like hours, and I was bored out of my skull... finally, the doorknob turned and I got very nervous. "OMG he's back!" I tried to straighten myself up, and get in my 'Vixen Mode' (as much of a Vixen mode as I may have had at 17, and a virgin).

He knew Ricky and K were in the back, so he began to verbally harass Ricky and make jokes, you know, like guys do... Ricky and K came back into the living room, and we all sat around and chatted for a while. Larry forced us to watch "Chaka Zulu" which was a t.v. show I remember being on at the time... I feigned slight interest, all-the-while plotting my "move". I flirted, and made little comments about how I was quite the Masseuse and he took the bait. He said he was going to bed, and then he tempted me into his room, stating he was waiting for this 'massage' I had promised.

So nervously, I went into his room... He had a water bed. He took his shirt off, and lay face down. I started the massage and put my all into it... He relaxed, and made quite a few noises indicating his enjoyment. The massage went along fine and then he spoke up and quipped, "Now how about the front?" I sat there, eyes as wide as the Grand Canyon... "Front?!?" I said shyly.

"Yep." He said, and with that he did a fast-flip on his back and put his hands behind his head. Not one to look like an amateur, I obliged and of course started with arms and chest, wondering all the while, what was to become of this situation. My teen aged blood was rushing, my heart beating out of my chest and my face, I'm sure was flushed crimson.

I was working my way around all of his well-kept muscles, as he urged me on... 'lower' he whispered. As I moved lower, all of a sudden, he leaned up and pulled me towards him, kissing my mouth... and with tongue nonetheless!! I was wrapped up and totally swept away, as our kiss turned into a full-on make out session. This was it, I was finally kissed. As he laid me back, and lay over the top of me kissing and caressing me all over, I reached my hands around his back, and with a sigh of relief, I gently turned my class ring.

Larry never even noticed, as his hands roamed everywhere, and finally moved to a place that made me stop. I snapped open my eyes, and diverted his hand. "Um... I... can't." (I knew where this was going, and although I honestly did want to go with it, and experience what was about to happen, the most natural thing in the world stopped me... my period!!) [Sorry guys, I don't know any other way to say it... don't be squeamish] ;)

He looked at me, rather confused and said, "Why??" I returned his glance, and couldn't think what to say. I staggered a bit, and he continued to kiss me more... I pondered the situation, I mean--my period had nearly stopped, and I was barely still bleeding, he might not even notice... But of course, I had no experience at all, and at the time I thought it would be the worst thing ever. I couldn't even imagine doing that. So I stopped him again.

"I'm sorry, I really can't... it's 'that time'." I blushed, I know I looked mortified and felt ridiculous. The look on his face was pained. He retreated, and we sat there for a moment... and he said, "That's alright, we can do other things." I'll end the story there.

I then wondered if that would be the last he would ever attempt with me. Looking back, I would have much preferred to call Larry R. my first as opposed to my real first experience... which wasn't any 'bad' thing, but it definitely wasn't a magical experience like girls dream it should be. He was a 'friend', but he wasn't someone I really liked like "that". Looking back, I know the only reason I did it was that once again, I felt like a freak for still being a virgin, and I trusted him. I still wish it had been someone that I really liked.

Growing up is a weird, confusing time. There's peer pressure, pressure that we put on ourselves and then just the puzzle of life itself. Learning about people, the world and where exactly we fit into all of that... I made my mistakes, but I could've done way worse than I did.

Here's to you, Larry R... my first real "frog" and one of my very first lessons in Growing Pains 101.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Lovely

Can't think of a better word for today than Lovely... It started off o.k., 2nd day in a row that Mr. J and I woke up and had our workout (not THAT you perverts! Went to the Gym!!). Then I was running fashionably late as usual, got behind every asshole that happened to be driving around this morning, and then hit a poor innocent bird with my car... I was changing lanes, he flew across, couldn't be helped... I was sad.

But the rest of the day, I've felt light hearted and upbeat since I had lunch with my best buddy Tamra, and her daughter Jess... We don't get to lunch often, so we always enjoy the opportunity. Thanks again guys! Then I got back from lunch, and had the supreme pleasure a call from one of my favorite English blog family members, Four Dinners (and his sweet daughter, Jax). They sounded so delightful, and we discussed all of the fun New Year's plans that everyone's got in store. I'm sure they got a giggle out of my accent as well. He just celebrated a birthday, and I wish him all the best... That family is tops in my book! Along with Cappy, and of course Barnze (after all he was my first... blogger that is! You're all cheeky!) ha-ha.

Seriously though, that was a wonderful surprise! Guys you made my day--I've already told you that though.

Finding it odd that it's Thursday already, the end-of-year holidays always throw us for a loop. Now, we still have the New Year's holiday, the Martin Luther King, Jr. day coming up in January. Hard to deal when these frequent ones have passed. I think February has one new one that we get a day off for (Presidents' Day), but then they are further apart. All holidays are great though, right?

And I must make note of a new quote I nabbed off Jink's blog. It just struck me as brilliant... lately. It goes like this: "Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs." I couldn't have said it better myself!

Stay tuned, I think I might bring you guys a story, it has been a while, I know. This one will be about my "First Kiss", Larry R. Gotta think how I'm going to present it... But I hope you will look forward and come back and read about it. This was back in my sweet and innocent days, right? That's got to count for something!! ha-ha. See you guys tomorrow for TGIF!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Tradition Tickles Me Pink! (WWC)

Ahhhh, as Jay (o'r at Cynical Bastard) has informed me, the WWC was in fact moved to Wednesday... just this once. That saves my bootai!! Thank goodness... Thanks Jay for letting me know! Therefore, let's proceed with this week's Weekly Words Challenge (WWC), brought to us by the Traditionally wonderful Tink, of Pickled Beef.

Here goeth this week's theme, "Tradition" and "Pink".

A Lovely Pink Purse, by my very 'Vogue' neice, Chrissy.


The sisters, Kailey and Kenna, don pretty pink shirts that instruct
"Just Add Snow"... I would if I could Kailey!!!

Second sister, Kenna same snow shirt and Reanna's even PINKER outfit. Don't they look enthused to have their photo taken?? :)

A couple Thanksgivings ago, I started a "Tradition" of playing games in the driveway with rocks, the kids have not let me forget this. Jackson shown here drawing in the gravel, however camouflaged (Can you even see him??)!


It is also Tradition that my sister Vickie (Nana), does most of the family sewing. She makes these delightful gifts, the kids just love them! In other words, 'You Don't Monkey With Tradition!'


When I think of Tradition, I always think of Home.


...Along with nearby fields where I always like to sit and stare at sunsets and dream until nightfall. Homes, sunsets, Traditions, beautiful and scenic along with everything that is tradition with my family??

Simply tickles me PINK...

The Day After

Holy Bejesus I just realized with Christmas and all that I totally missed yesterday, Tuesday, that's right... the Weekly Words Challenge (WWC)" (Tink I'm sorry!! Geez I'm freaking out now, 2 weeks in a row?? Maybe I can do a belated, make-up WWC, then get back on track next week!! :(

Well, anyway I was going to say... I fell down to this Earth from Heaven (and yes it did sting a little) right as summer was stepping on stage. Sounds like a lovely time to be born, but as I have said before , I rarely had attendees at my birthday parties because people were on their summer vacations and out of town a lot. I got used to it, and of course I had a couple of good parties growing up. However, I can imagine it is even harder to have a birthday the day after Christmas. I have a sister who was born on just such a day, today! I have sent her something to uplift her day, and a card...

Deb I know you don't read this, but I hope you have a wonderful day.

Christmas has come to a close, and now we're looking on towards a brand new year... I wasn't even used to THIS year yet and already it's getting changed on me again. Well I trust everyone had at least a day or two off to enjoy with family, and whatever celebrations that you honor. Ours went nicely, had to stuff mine and my Inlaws all into one day because of someone having to work on Christmas day. This is not the usual. Normally, I get to spend Christmas Eve night at home with Mom and Dad and wake up on Christmas morning there, do the Inlaw thing on Christmas Day. I don't like my routines messed with much, but I dealt with it.

So Christmas Day was spent at home, just Mr. J and me... we played some World of Warcraft, we found a Chinese buffet that was open. Around this area, they practically roll up the streets and most everything is closed down on a holiday. The only other thing I know for sure is that IHOP was open... but we weren't feeling quite like pancakes. Thank goodness for Buddhism, right? :) The buffet was good, and once we were stuffed to the gills (well, not really that bad-I actually didn't overdo it too much), we came home played a little more WoW and hit the sack early enough to hit the gym at dawn. We did our dead lifts, chest press, seated rows, tricep-some'n-oranother, and leg machine, then cardio (elliptical) for 30 minutes... So I guess that's pretty notable for the day after Christmas. Now I'm back to the grind and all.

This coming Friday (12/28) is my 6th Anniversary being chained to Mr. J's ankle. (Jokingly) So I have requested that we go have dinner and commemorate that. Last year, we didn't really recognize it at all, which is odd since it was like a 5-year marker... It's so strange for me sometimes thinking I have been married 6 years now. That, like everything else, has zapped by at the speed of sound... All in all it's been a good 6 years, even though being all grown up and married wasn't really something either of us had planned in our lives. Life comes flying at us most times like a fast ball, and you have to decide for yourself whether to dodge, catch it or hit a home run, right? Everything happens for a reason. I'm lucky to have made it through what I have, and still have my wits about me (the jury is still out on that, btw). Mr. J is lucky as well, to have landed such a striking enchantress of a vixen... if I do say so myself. ;)

Happy Hump Day once again... AJ

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Stories

You guessed it, just as millions of people around the world are probably doing, I'm sitting here this morning watching "A Christmas Story".

(See above, the "Leg Lamp" scene from the movie)

Since you guys are so special to me, I've included an extra special treat, Click To Read last year's 'Tale of One Christmas' (in case you missed it).

Happy Christmas updates: My little nephew is all better, and back in tip-top shape... turned out it was a Staph infection, and he's very lucky to have been taken into the hospital on time. He got to go home yesterday. Just in time for his second Christmas, although he wasn't even a month old last year, he was born on December 1, 2006... So I think he'll enjoy himself a little more this year. As well, I'm not sure who all is going to make it down to Mom's this year, but we'll be arriving around 2-3 O'Clock she says... I'm trying to hold up spirits and feel festive... I truly don't enjoy being all 'Bah Humbug'... :)

At least the temperatures are not overly warm... I really can't abide beach weather when I'm pining for snow outside... I know I don't get to have snow like maybe alot of you have right now, but I guess I can deal with that.

Aside from my story, linked above I am trying to remember any extra-special holiday memories of the past. My parents always tried to make the impossible happen on Christmas, and sometimes I don't know how they did it, looking back Dad didn't make the best money in the world, but they always made Christmas special. I remember dolls, board games, telescopes, a motorcycle when I was 12, the go-cart of course, many other things. And we've always had our dinner on Christmas Eve at Mom & Dad's... so then everyone would go home and wait for Santa on Christmas morning, then Mom & Dad would drive us around to everyone else's house to see what they all got for Christmas... that was the most fun I guess for me. I got to go and visit all of my Sisters and their kids, and play with them and their new toys and games... they always got really cool stuff too.

Sometimes I fantasize about New York City in Winter, or often I dream of Christmas snows, and living in a place where people skate on the frozen lakes, and go in for Hot Cocoa, and Carolers songs ring out throughout the neighborhoods, but I'm guessing that stuff maybe only happens in the Norman Rockwell paintings now... right??

"Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times." ~Kate L. Bosher

"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home." ~Carol Nelson

BEST WISHES FOR A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! -AJ

Friday, December 21, 2007

Release

Some people are named after the gifts they give to others. Faith, for instance gave me the boost I was looking for to march forward into the holiday with the right mind's eye view. Thank you again, Faith... your words this morning were like a fresh rain, instant rejuvenation.

Make sure to go and Read Faith's (Jink's) blog entitled "Christmas 365". You'll enjoy it, I sure did.

I'm not going to lie. I have been in a horrible "Bah-Humbug" mindset this season... I haven't sent out any Christmas cards, I didn't decorate. And on thinking of what to write earlier today, I was going to complain about the dreary fog this morning, or how sucky this city is because I can never get snow, but I read that and she included the simplest quote from Helen Keller, and it made me really snap into reality of all of the things that are truly good in my life, things that I would be a fool to take for granted.

What's that, List them?? I sure will try to list a few...
Parents are still with me this Christmas season (so far and Cross my fingers), I have a lot of wonderful friends and acquaintances and a job that I enjoy most days... I can't see snow this Christmas because of course the Memphis temps are unseasonably warm, but at least I can see when others cannot... Those who cannot see have more gifts than you'll ever know, and also give us gifts of their blessed attitudes and outlook on life. I have the gift of Music and art, and creativity, I have a drivers license and the ability to drive to and from work every day, I have a roof over my head and (way too much) food for my hunger. I have pets, and have always had animals growing up, and know the joy of companionship both human and animal. I am enjoying decent health (hoping that it stays well and only gets better). Many other things honestly that we do and see every day that we could stop and appreciate... too long a list.

We can name our daily irritations and we can rant in this blog because, honestly, the list of things to bitch about is that short, right?? I know it doesn't seem like it but just look around, look inside your heart and say so... you don't have THAT much bringing you down... not really... and if you do, it is up to you to move the rocks and change your own life into what you want it to be... never too late, and nothing you can't do if you set your mind to it.

There is always something to uplift our day, or make us smile... and most times that can be as simple as putting aside our human nature and giving another person your smile, or a helping hand. Doing something selfless, thinking of someone other than yourself... On that note, Christmas can be 365 days a year... it only takes one moment... Thanks again "FAITH" for reminding me of that.

I feel like I've been so selfish looking for my own gift of elation this season, and all the while Helen Keller only wanted to teach us true sight...

May each and every one of you have a joyful season filled with love, smiles, family, friends, just enough to eat, and real true gifts... you know the ones. ;)

Happy Holidays,
AJ

Don't Believe A Word

Ta to Cappy and Four Dinners for making me think of Thin Lizzy the other day, I thought everyone might enjoy this video. I'm working on a profound block of words for the Holiday season for you to bathe in shortly, so come back and read, but for now, enjoy the gift of Music.

Remember, everything is a gift... some bring us ecstatic joy, some sting a little to remind us and some hurt a lot so we can understand how to really appreciate the ecstasy.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Right There, Don't Stop

Wow, the holiday buzz. It's making me crazy. We've had so much going on around work, and the holiday party last week, then I got stuck with the pleasure of coordinating the other "departmental" snack party and "Dirty Santa" game... Then a multitude of other "assignments" that don't really fall under the realm of my job description... How is it again that I get chosen for all these things?? Someone needs to tell me... maybe it's that problem I have of saying "No".

So today is drawing to a close, and I'm supposed to meet a friend tonight in Midtown, a high school friend who I haven't seen in some time. We're going to play "Catch Up", and she's going to show me a little bit about "Reiki"... she's a Reiki master... I've been interested in this for a while and recently found out that she was into it... So after that, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to be with my best buddy, "Best Mate", friend, blood sister, all that... Tamra. We're going to do our Christmas Thang, exchange gifts and have lunch together and girl talk, and all that jazz. Really looking forward to that since we don't get to spend nearly enough time together these days.

Another update, last night my little nephew who just turned 1 year old a couple weeks ago went into the hospital with 105 degree fever, and what looked like either Staph or spider bite (which can start out looking very similar). They were having trouble getting his fever down, and I don't have an update on that today yet, so I need to check in on that situation too.

Now, for something that totally bothered me, and I think it would all women... Last night, I showed Mr. J a video by "The Foo Fighters" (I'm sure you're familiar with them, if not I'm Linking The Video Here, so Click And Watch It so you can truly understand).

I showed him this video, not because I really liked the song (I like some Foo Fighters music, not all)... but more so because I thought the video was hilarious and Dave Grohl was just funny in it to me. He had some 70s porn hairdo and mustache, and he was just cheesing it up big time... I think he does that a lot in fact. So instead of noticing the funny stuff about the video, or liking the song or something, do you know what Mr. J says?? Do you??? He says, "Hey look at that, you and Dave Grohl have the same hairdo." I stopped the video... "Are you Serious?!?" I say, in shock.

"What's wrong with that?" he replied.

What's wrong with that?!? Did he honestly not know?? Well, I don't understand what it is with men sometimes--I know you guys see things much differently than we do. But just watch that video, I beg you... and tell me that saying Dave Grohl and I share the same hairdo doesn't deserve him getting his block knocked off... I go to great lengths to make sure that my hair does NOT resemble a 70s Male Pornstar hairdo, and then to go and have all that shot right out from under me... ARRGH!! I could just smack him... o.k... end of rant.

If you do watch the video, see it for what it is... cheesy and laugh at Dave's acting and humor in the video. :)

Finally, let me say that I have been struggling trying to get to all of your blogs and have made it through a few today as I had time... it's just been one thing after another for me. It'll simmer down some after all these holidays and such... If I haven't made it by yours, I swear I will soon and don't let that keep you away from me, my beloved blog Amigos!

Happy Hump Day, hope you are all well.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

No Challenge

Happy Tuesday everyone. For the first time since I started Tink's Weekly Words Challenge, I am up empty-handed today... I let the week go by and the weekend, and have nothing to show. I just couldn't really grasp it enough to gather something worthy... I'll be back next week with the next WWC though, so come back for that... My apologies.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Chasing My Tail

Stay tuned, here's my ideas, thoughts, you know... the Monday blurb.

I don't think I'm ever going to mature any further, and I don't believe that I was ever really meant to be domesticated. I always feel that wild hair to go running, screaming naked through a big field... in the middle of nowhere. (Not literally, I guess I mean that as an analogy for feeling restless and wild all the time). I know this would've never been great news to my family, who worries when someone doesn't settle down and manufacture the chitlins.

Well, I was rolling along quite well (so I thought), hit a speed bump, rolled off Life's highway and landed on the alter, oddly after I turned 31. We've never started a chitlin business, and I don't really plan on it... I don't see anything wrong with that, I don't feel that parenting is for everyone. I also think the world could really use more people who actually give parenting great thought as opposed to just irresponsibly squeezing em' out (sorry to sound barbaric there). Now, I know that sometimes things happen, and I am one of those 'everything happens for a reason' people as well. But many of you would agree with me, I think, that there are some people out there we've all seen who simply should not have had children.

Everyone always tells me I would be or would've been a good mother, but I myself have always had my doubts so I have tried my best to stay childless, and do the right thing... It is hard enough in this world sometimes, just taking care of myself... and besides, having a husband is having to feel like a friggin mother sometimes anyway. I was thinking on this today... When it was 'just me', I didn't have to think or feel about anything. "Am I being a good wife?", "Am I doing enough stuff to show that I care?", "What sort of stuff goes through his head?", "Does he even care about any of this crap?", and the list goes on in women's heads, believe me. (Can't speak for everyone of course). But I can bet you money, he's not concerning himself with anything but his next meal, and how nice that girls ass looks over there... right guys??

I don't know why... once it's been signed, sealed and delivered it's like a job sometimes... and you feel like you're always 'on duty', and thoughts of yourself (myself) just take a backseat.

I think back to the simple days, when "l-o-v-e" (or something like it) felt like electricity and every song described how you felt. I was always alot like a guy, just going along taking everything as it came, and experiencing whatever I felt like experiencing. You could feel good because you had time to 'get ready for a date', so of course you looked your absolute best. Married?? Oh yeah, wake up with the breath (everyone does), trying your best to keep some sort of romantic appeal to the relationship because you see each other every day--that bad side is bound to come out dancing around here and there. Can't talk about stuff, because of course everything gets called "nagging" but there are just some things too annoying to keep a blind eye to. Bad hair, no makeup, crappy clothes days... days without having your feet pedicured, or body properly shaved... you gotta make effort to keep all this stuff rolling. But sometimes, it's hard to stay all pumped up without positive feedback from the other person...

Don't get me wrong, I love my Mr. J, and I hope our relationship stays true and long, but oftentimes I wonder if I hadn't landed there at that alter, with Mr. J would I ever have gotten married at all?? Would I be happy?? Would I be lonely as hell?? Would I be partying and still burning my candle at both ends? I sometimes feel like I want those things... but I remember when I had it like that, all we did as single people was to try and find a kinship with someone, a companionship, a soul connection... Is it always a vicious circle?? Are we as humans ever satisfied with anything? Makes me think... and wonder.

All this ran through my mind as I rolled down the highway to attempt a little bit of Christmas shopping, listening to those songs on the radio, some of them permanently attached to memories so sweet... others not so lovely. I'll always be the same person, deep down. I know that. I don't want to lose "her"... I guess we'll always have the dreams at night, and the daydreams in the middle of the day, when your thoughts drift away from the maniacal workload after lunch when we're watching that clock.

Running all the time, either to do something for someone, or for responsibility's sake... or running from something. Sometimes I don't know what, and sometimes I'm just chasing the future, or chasing what I think is the future and it usually turns out to be my very own tail.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

un-FUR-gettable Forget FUR!!

I'm multi-faceted, and I know alot of campaigns go around about different stuff, but this one I just wanted to shed a bit more light on... This is senseless, and sad and cruel. I know that some of you will be touched and agree with me on this, and some will not, but realize just how inhumane the practices of the fur industry are. It's sick. I won't wear it, I won't buy it... I hope if you have a different opinion you might at least take a look and open up your eyes too.

Please check out the following information... for me. It's important to me, and so are these animals.

State of The Fur Industry (from Fur Is Dead)

Please watch this alarming (graphic) video on a Shocking Look Inside Chinese Fur Farms, and read More About Chinese Fur Farms Here.
Preview of page. Please take a moment of your time just to read and be aware. I sincerely thank you. If you can find it in your heart to care and try to help in some way, please do. Animals need all the help they can get. x

AJ

Friday, December 14, 2007

I Want Candy

Candy can mean many things, right?? But it always stands for something delicious, anyway...

Today is our Company Christmas party and what with bad budgets issues, is during the day instead of night, which is fine with me because I can never seem to make the night ones... Then tonight, of course, is candy making 101 with Mom! Yay! Hope that goes nicely... hope she's feeling at least some better. I miss her, the way she used to be.

Woke up this morning to the alarm clock, as usual. The first time it sounded normal... the second time I swear to you it had a "southern accent"... lol Call me crazy (Ay Si Mami be Loco!!) But it did... ahhh the unexplainable.

I better hop to it... T.G.I.F...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Swimming Along Fine

It was a busy couple of days, finished the project much to the jubilation of the superiors, who coincidentally lavished me with victory hugs. So it's a bit more low-key now, and I had a chance to breathe a little deeper.

The weeks, days... they're passing by way too quickly. December barely just started but it's nearly over already! I haven't even found my Christmas feet yet. I have to dig out my Santa Claus hat and prepare an outfit to wear to our office Christmas party on Friday... I have to mirror the cuteness I achieved on Halloween, right?? (And no, I didn't forget to dress like a Turkey on Thanksgiving, I missed that one on purpose lol).

Friday night, Mr. J and I are supposed to go down and help my mother make some Christmas candy, so maybe that will fill me full of some spirit... or if I find her wine bottle, maybe "Spirits" haha... heck, it's the Holidays. I may as well find it in my heart to get a little tipsy.

The Melatonin is still working sleep magic during the week, as well as dream magic. The dreams are so vivid they are more like visions, but I still don't remember the entire dream when I wake, but rather pieces... sometimes more comes to me later, but it's still 'iffy'. I'll hopefully get a grasp on that and report any new interesting developments in dreamland.

Guess I'll get moving and shaking now, just popped in for an early morning blurb... Have a happy Thursday my sweet embraceable blog Amigos... lol ;)

Seven Deadly Facts

I got tagged on this meme a few days ago from Jay Cam (over at Jay's World) Thank you sir! Sorry I'm still running late ;)

The Rules: (which were always made to be broken)
-Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
- Share 7 facts about yourself.
- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


My 7 facts:
1. I've always been jealous of Left-Handed People!
2. I work regular day shift all through the week, then stay up mostly all night on weekends (hell on my sleep schedule).
3. I do my best writing (song and otherwise) when I 'channel' Jimi Hendrix ;)
4. I live in my own little fantasy world 90% of the time... lol
5. I would love to spend Christmas in NYC in the snow.
6. I remember numbers, even like my old Marine boyfriend's (the one I was engaged to at nineteen) Ssn.
7. Sometimes my "Id" beats the crap out of my "Ego" and "Superego" and wins!!

Who I'm tagging? Nobody really because I don't feel like tagging. I'll let you take it upon yourself. If you'd like to do this and have never done it before, then TAG!! You're IT!! :)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Wanting And The Green

Once more, I apologize for having to post a very late WWC (Weekly Words Challenge) brought to us by the always perfectly timed, enchantress of Picked Beef, Tink! This week's words are "Want" and "Green".

I'll keep it short and to the point, hope you enjoy these... See you tomorrow. It's Time for Hump Day Already!! Yay, who doesn't like Hump Day? :)

I Want Justice...

I Want A Cookie and Coffee from Starbucks (again)!

I Want to Set This Sunset to Oil On Canvas

I Want A Piece of Birthday Cake, and to Stay Young Forever!

I Want To Ride the Green Trolley!

I Want To Go Check This Place Out...

I Want To Know What He's Thinking, Witty Cat Thoughts??

I Wanna Rock!

I Want To Hang Out On Beale All Day

I Want To Like It But I Can't... lol

Kudzu Runs Rampant in These Parts, Unwanted,
But I Think It's Lovely...

Money was too easy, everyone thinks of Money first, but these were what I wanted, and wanted Green To Be!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Running Late

Have had THAT hectic a day... please forgive me--I am late with my WWC... I will be back after band practice and I will finish posting it... Better late than never, right??

Come back soon... k??
J

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Force

Yeah, may it be with you... you know, "The Force". Mine is surely not. Something is draining the very life force from me in more ways than one. It feels delicious, it feels miserable. By day's end I am spectacularly worn to a frazzle, short-circuited... In Love with a capital Hate. I'm sick of it all, and also I want seconds. What is it? Existence, fate, destino!!! It's deliciously, maliciously poisoned. Where we'll end up and what we know to be the truth may change from day-to-day. I'm gonna let it melt in my mouth, and savor the maniacal flavor.

Tired of being bored, rotting and preparing for death all around. Gonna stop worrying about it all and just lie back and stop swimming against the tide... just until I float way beyond oblivion (or go over the edge, whichever happens first). ;)

Just an FYI y'know...

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Javalanche Needed

I feel so unmotivated and immobile today. I just want to lay back down. All I can think is that the rest of the week I won't be able to lay down and be lazy and I want to lay here and do nothing, think nothing. Why do I feel so lazy and unenergized? It's another gray day, for one.

Had some 'Camerones' for lunch, and now I'm sitting here watching AC/DC videos, and daydreaming.

I need a facial, a pedicure, a haircut, a massage, an escape to the mountains in the snow, and unlimited pitchers of Unsweet Tea. Yeah Baby! Sounds good... get that set up for me won't you?

Oh gawd why did I even attempt to post today?? (sigh)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Winter Wonderland

Happy Saturday! I bet you're noticing the 'face lift' right about now... perhaps feeling the chill from just looking at it?? Hope that won't keep you away (especially those of you who enjoy the summer sun). I was just sitting here in the river city, the city by the bluff that never receives enough winter, and thinking about how I doubt I'll see much if any snow this year. We got like one measley snow last year that didn't even last throughout the day. It's not fair at all, and I really am fed up with it. Therefore, I decided that if I could not see the kind of scene I wanted to around my neck of the woods, then I would surely at least be able to see it on my blog. So there you have it, it's officially "Winter" here in The Forrest.

Hope it's legible. I think it's actually more legible, and it's nice and fresh, and not as dark but still moving enough with the trees. I shouldn't feel trapped with the 'tree' motif, but for some reason I do. Since I named my blog after a forest (but didn't spell it exactly the same, which was on purpose if you were ever wondering), I always feel like I have to have some trees in the background there somewhere, or indications thereof. I shouldn't have to, though, because the blog 'theme' is actually about the "Forrest" of my mind. If you're browsing through my thoughts, then you may as well be taking the brisk walk through the woods, expansive and ever changing, and sometimes thick and cluttered, like a deep forest... So there you go. All you never wanted to know about Aunt Jackie's 'Forrest' but were (perhaps) afraid to ask.

Unbelievably, I'm actually sitting in my deliciou--hang on just a second, doorbell...

OMG! I can't believe it, just as I was about to say I was sitting here in the comfort of my delicious green recliner, laptop in hand and relaxing in total quiet (because thankfully, Mr. J has not woken up yet and I was actually basking in the peaceful morning to myself), the doorbell rang. Such an unexpected visitor on this gray Saturday morning... and I was so enjoying the peace and quiet. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways, and sometimes comes to you in your most quiet moments, when you're alone with your thoughts. Well that just proves it right there! I was totally just interrupted by one of those church people who goes around and tries to drag you to their church? And I mean this dude isn't even from my neighborhood, he's from somewhere closer to where my Mom lives. WTF? He drove all the way up here to stalk around the neighborhoods, picking on houses. How does he know he's not knocking on doors of psychos?? (I know, when you're 'moved by God' to do visitation on people, that's the chance you take because when it's your time to go, at least you went doing the Lord's work.) :-\

So he's assuming he's walked upon the house of a lost soul, so he begins his questioning about 'have I been saved' etc, etc. I am sorry, but I just wasn't in the mood for the lengthy 'save my soul' event this morning. I dug down into my bag of experiences, to a time when I was a little church girl growing up (saved at 8, and always made to go to these Southern Baptist churches, with little blue haired old ladies who couldn't make a joyful noise to the Lord even by promising him they wouldn't sing once they got to Heaven). I played along (as they say). I gave him my 'saved at 8 years old at our Church revival' speech, about how I was moved by 'a force unbeknown to me', and have been a member there at the church where Mom still attends to this day... Then he got all teary eyed talking about one of his grandchildren, and about one of them in the womb sucking its thumb and all that... and I feigned a couple of coughs, as if I might be 'getting over a cold', which I still sort of have been because my cough has been lingering--a little wheezy barely productive cough, which annoys mainly at night and early in the morning.

He excused himself shortly thereafter and I told him to have a blessed morning.

It's not that I hate church people, I really try (sometimes in vein) not to hate people at all... but you must understand. These people are all human beings, right? Human beings are totally fallible, and we all "sin". Nobody's any better than the next person, and just because I don't believe the same as you doesn't mean that I'm going to Hell and you're going to Heaven... besides, who are you to judge?? If you are a 'Christian' you should be following God in that he's the only true judge anyways. It's not your place... and you're sinning yourself if you're thinking you're the only one who is doing right in this world... As I sat there, bearing this Man of God's witnessing, I could only wonder if he was one of those "Christians" who cheats on his wife, or who's embezzled from the Church treasury (like several I know have done), or that he may even be a child molester (skum of the earth). I don't know. He (just like I) can say anything he wants to the next person, and make them believe it right? He might have left my house and gone by the liquor store for a fifth of Jim Beam, and then gone home to beat his wife, or torture his dog. [Doesn't matter how you act, or pretend to be, it's what's in peoples' hearts... The guy might have very well been devout, and pure of heart, I don't know.]

I don't mean to be skeptical, but this world has not given me much of a choice... Too much hypocrisy and heinous horror goes on daily to see much good in it (except for probably trees, animals, nature--always amazing nature!! Go ahead, say something about me being a hokey-tree hugger, and animal activist or something, I don't care) ... But fear not, my soul is not completely lost. I do feel that we are in existence for some reason, and that there is a higher being (be it even our higher selves maybe). We are souls, in this doomed existence for however long-who knows--And we're here to learn. Here to learn many lessons, and when we have finally done what it is we were meant to do in this world, and our lesson is complete, we will move on to the next dimension. I don't think that we die, no. Our bodies die, and cannot go on any longer. But we get to exist in a whole new form, and we get to experience new things... I believe it is painless once we're over the physical pain (if any) that our 'death' involves... And I think that these other souls that have moved on before us, still surround us in some form or another, and that those you think you've lost, are not lost... you just haven't learned (or are too closed minded yet) to be able to see them or feel them for what they are... Take heart, and feel everything around you because just one strange "feeling" or sensation, or sighting... might just be someone important helping you out, giving you an inspiration to keep on moving.

Take for instance, the breathtaking Butterfly. My mother loves them, and rightfully so... after all the butterfly is a symbol for transformation, and signifies "Hope".

It begins its journey as a mere caterpillar, turns into a chrysalis, and must undergo great struggle before emerging as the beautifully delicate winged creature as we know it. ("Without Change, there would be no butterflies."). Total transformation to the next level...

Hokey? Like I said, think what you want, and go ahead and judge if you must (humans always do). But one thing I can do is live and let live... I don't force you to feel the way I do, you will find that out on your own one day... you have your own "reality" that you've created, and your own lessons to learn as I have mine. Just open up your eyes once in a while (go ahead, a little wider), and you might actually be able to see the brush strokes on the vivid masterpiece that is today.

Peace, Love, Hope and (dare I say), maybe even one of these days, Understanding...

XOXO

Your Tree-Huggin AJ

Friday, December 07, 2007

Santa Dearest

deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa


Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,

Teddy


Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly?

It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa


Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis


Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa


Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?

Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa




Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?


Your friend, Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.


Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa


Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa


Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky


Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

Wanna laugh some more?? Watch This video sent to me by Dan! TGIF!!! :)

Dream A Little Dream

While it's quiet and I can think (perhaps before "Mr. Inside Voice" or his cellphone gets cranked up), I thought I would try an early entry.

Still slept well last night, and I did dream, but nothing 'sci-fi level' this time. It was basic, and was pretty vivid during the dreaming, but not totally detailed upon waking. In other words, I don't remember it as vividly as I dreamed it. The setting seemed to be my old High School. I was there, and some people not from MY class, but the class before me were there. We were discussing some of our other school mates. I'm not sure of the significance, maybe more will come to me later. However, I am disappointed because I was hoping to have a really weird and vivid dream to share with you guys today.

So I was planning on getting up and hitting the Gym early, but Mr. J woke up before me, and snuck in there and started playing a Video game at the ass crack of dawn. Then he wanted to wake me up later and try to go, but I wasn't in the mode at that point, I like to have plenty of time to get back and get ready for work if we ARE going to workout first thing. So, instead, I slept longer and woke up later than when I would've gotten back from the gym and had less time after all. I managed to make grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast though. Now I'm having some green tea, and relaxing here with you guys.

Today is an overcast, cloudy morning start here in the River city... the traffic wasn't so bad (perhaps because I wasn't directly in Rush hour since I was running late like a slacker). So I haven't even the first road rage story to report. Wait, well there was this one idiot who decided to stop at a green light so that we were trapped into the red light, and he was from Georgia. I've been behind alot of out-of-state moron drivers lately. I don't know what the deal is. It's not Elvis week (yet). Oh Jesus I forgot that it's nearly January, and that does mean we are in for droves of Elvis fans from all over... I'm not sure if they'll be having marathons or what, but it will have the city packed quite tightly... and that means even more rotten driving! Oh the dread.

So I guess I'm gonna sit back and chill a bit, watch the cloudy day go by, maybe do a little people watching. If I catch any good photos, or have anything interesting to tell then I'll likely be back. Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel devious, mischievous and decadently evil? I feel that way today... maybe it's the green tea and the melatonin, or the weather. Either way, watch your necks, I may bite ;) hee hee

Dream A Little Dream

While it's quiet and I can think (perhaps before "Mr. Inside Voice" or his cellphone gets cranked up), I thought I would try an early entry.

Still slept well last night, and I did dream, but nothing 'sci-fi level' this time. It was basic, and was pretty vivid during the dreaming, but not totally detailed upon waking. In other words, I don't remember it as vividly as I dreamed it. The setting seemed to be my old High School. I was there, and some people not from MY class, but the class before me were there. We were discussing some of our other school mates. I'm not sure of the significance, maybe more will come to me later. However, I am dissappointed because I was hoping to have a really weird and vivid dream to share with you guys today.

So I was planning on getting up and hitting the Gym early, but Mr. J woke up before me, and snuck in there and started playing a Video game at the asscrack of dawn. Then he wanted to wake me up later and try to go, but I wasn't in the mode at that point, I like to have plenty of time to get back and get ready for work if we ARE going to workout first thing. So, instead, I slept longer and woke up later than when I would've gotten back from the gym and had less time after all. I managed to make grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast though. Now I'm having some green tea, and relaxing here with you guys.

Today is an overcast, cloudy morning start here in the River city... the traffic wasn't so bad (perhaps because I wasn't directly in Rush hour since I was running late like a slacker). So I haven't even the first road rage story to report. Wait, well there was this one idiot who decided to stop at a green light so that we were trapped into the red light, and he was from Georgia. I've been behind alot of out-of-state moron drivers lately. I don't know what the deal is. It's not Elvis week (yet). Oh Jesus I forgot that it's nearly January, and that does mean we are in for droves of Elvis fans from all over... I'm not sure if they'll be having marathons or what, but it will have the city packed quite tightly... and that means even more rotten driving!

So I guess I'm gonna sit back and chill a bit, watch the cloudy day go by, maybe do a little people watching. If I catch any good photos, or have anything interesting to tell then I'll likely be back. Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel devious, mischevious and decadently evil? I feel that way today... maybe it's the green tea and the melatonin, or the weather. Either way, watch your necks, I may bite ;) hee hee

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Catching Some Zzzzz

No I can't say that the title means I actually am catching any "REAL" Z's such as my old flame, "Z" from my Butterflies, Zebras and Moonbeams story. Besides, I'z a married lady and seeing Z would be wrong of course, and then to think about it I'm fairly certain Z still hates my guts. But Life is what it is, winding roads and all that jazz. Ok, I digress... I was discussing catching some Zzzz (see what he does? He still distracts me to this day, and do you think that he ever even stops to think about me? I seriously doubt it. What's wrong with men that nothing ever affects them but it rips our world apart. There are always sickening little reminders everywhere too so that the memory can never completely go away, like "Z Market" signs, etc). Crap!! I digress again. Please forgive me [Damn that man!!!]

Oh yes... catching some Zzzz. Well, if you remember Mr. J's episode from about a week back where he nearly died because of the Ambien sleep med. he was trying out for his insomnia. Yes, he swore off sleep medications for good, and he stuck to it. But our drummer, Rob had stated he and Meggy used Melatonin (all natural it is!!), which is something your body produces anyway. So he's been trying it with rip-roaring success. No problems, no weirdness, just good comfy sleep. So, I thought I would jump on the band wagon. I've been taking it this week, and I swear to you I have been dreaming the weirdest dreams. I don't miss a night, it's like clockwork. I can't really give you any details at the moment, not because they are overly-sexy or that I can't remember them at all... I would just have to think too hard, and I'm too tired to think extensively at the moment.

I do know that last night it had something to do with having a hollowed out Nasal/sinus cavity in which strange objects were coming out of my nose etc... And the other night I can't remember all of the details but I think Kevin Costner was there, and some other strange people. I could care less about Kevin Costner (no offense Kevin), it's just really weird... my dreams have been weird before, but not consistently. I wonder if it is because I am having a deeper more relaxed sleep or something. Maybe I should go back and try out my Out of Body Experience stuff (OBE's) or maybe Lucid Dreaming. I'm going to pay attention tonight and if I can remember my dream in detail tomorrow, while it's fresh I will share it with you all.

Anyways, that's about all I have to report... just been working along pretty hard today on some code and had my head in the stuff. Maybe tomorrow will be a little bit more of a "Slack Day". Hope you have a great Thursday, see you tomorrow on TGIF!!!

Sweet Dreams, AJ

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Humped Out

Wow, I am going through a little writer's block it seems this week. I haven't written any lyrics, I can't really think of anything to blog about and I'm just feeling sort of lazy. I got off work and I came home, soaked my feet for like an hour and pretty much glued my ass to this green recliner that I love so much.

I ate chinese food today, that's probably what it is... I'm probably lagging from the effects of the m.s.g. Wish I hadn't eaten it now... I'm getting sleepy, and maybe will go ahead and hit the sack. We're going to try to get up early and hit the gym, so why not get a good night's sleep.

Oh wait a second, Ghost Hunters is on so I have to watch a little of that... then I'll get a good night's sleep. :) It looks like a re-run...

Tomorrow being Thursday, the light at the end of the weekday tunnel will be in sight. I hope I can get some decorating done this weekend... I need some Holiday spirit to strike me!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Orange You In Awe of Landscapes?

It's WWC Time again, that is to say Tink's made it possible once again to participate in the Weekly Words Challenge! This week's words were "Orange" and "Landscape".

Let's make a long story short, shall we dance? This week I'll let the photos speak for themselves.

First we have "Landscapes"!
(I know that one of my landscapes technically had water, but still... I felt it was fine)


Here's the deal with "Orange" (Get that Vitamin C and See!)

Hope you all enjoyed. Got a busy Tuesday so I'll likely see you tomorrow for the next post.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Don't Dream It's Over

I'm supposed to be feeling so festive right about now. I have been trying, I really have. I guess I'm just not trying hard enough. I stepped into a bath that was actually hotter than I could stand this morning, and I forced myself to endure the temperature so that I could try to wake up and feel like one of the living. As I lay back soaking, I thought to myself "This is the most comfortable and care-free I am going to feel all day long", and I simply didn't want to get out and face it all today. But I did anyway, just like we all have to [most of the time].

I don't really feel free to blog in detail about it, but I am increasingly worried about my parents these days. My father's health, and his episodes and care are taking a toll on my Mother and she is not an easy one to talk to or try to help. She's always near tears, and sounding sick. However, I myself am sick with worry and don't know what to do, or what's going to happen... But I feel as though everyone is too busy and caught up with their own lives though to "band together" and try to overcome all this and help Mom and Dad. I'm nervous to what the near future holds for my parents, our family. There are many more thoughts and worries that I wish I could express, but I know I cannot. But the whole thing just makes me very sad.

I want so much to look forward to Christmas with my family, but am doubtful that it is going to be a jubilant gathering. I do hope that none of the kids are sick, or that nobody brings any extra illnesses into the household because I don't think my Mom can take an extra germ... She's been sick with the same thing for a few weeks now, and I'm scared she is too weak to handle catching something... It seems that every time we have a holiday or event someone's kids are ill or getting ill when they arrive-

Is there anything wrong with feeling this way? Can it be helped? Most people say "tough it up, there's nothing you can do about it". But I can't just dismiss how I feel... things are more sentimental for me maybe than others, but that doesn't make me ridiculous. I know that I don't have any children of my own, and maybe I don't have as many---or perhaps I should say 'the same' responsibilities as the other members of my family. I realize that everyone has to live their life and take care of their own things too, that's natural and that's life.

I just hope we can all remember that none of it would've been possible if it hadn't been for Mom and Dad, our family would not exist as we know it, and now they need to be cared for and loved just like they gave every ounce of love and care when trying to do what was best for us and help us to grow up and have good lives... I'm not ready to dismiss them as dead, or feel that there is nothing else that can be done. I know they're difficult a lot of the time, but I feel like we are at a critical time in their life now, where we might live to regret things we 'could've done to help' if we don't.

I'm also afraid that I have a husband who is not going to understand my grief, and doesn't realize things are as serious as they are... Maybe he can't help it. I don't know. I just hope he can find it in his heart to be selfless and at least try to help me through the things that I'm going to be going through. I'm so scared about it all, and I don't know what to do.

This song has always made me feel creepy in a way since Stephen King's "The Stand" but I felt like hearing it today. Video by Crowded House

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Welcome To December

You know what you can do?? You can just Elf Yourself! I did it, and I made flash movie proof! lol

Seriously, that little Office Max website is having their "elf yourself" function again, and this time you can add up to four elves. So I made my whole family :) Me, Mr. J, Rodney the cat and Salvador Doggie. Enjoy this. I might relax and not post for a day or two, but I don't know. If not, enjoy our Elfmorphosis and play catch up on some of my other posts you might have missed. Don't forget you can play with my search box... LOL Happy December everybody... send me snow!!!