Deep In The Forrest

My emotions have been "running amok" lately. That's nothing new, to be honest, I think I have lived my life on an emotional roller coaster of my own engineering. My belief is that it is something I revel in, rather than feel guilty about. My emotions and I have a very tight and loving relationship. Even when it is overflowing in a huge vat of depression, I am proud of the fact that I feel so deeply, and am also able to express what's on my heart and mind (most of the time). I sometimes feel sorry for people who hold everything in. You never know what is going to happen from one day to the next, I would much rather have said what I need to say, and let people know how I feel about them rather than let something happen and they not know. Now this doesn't always apply to times when I need to let people know how badly they have hurt or are hurting me. For some reason, I am not so good at this, although I think it bears equal importance. It is something I am working...

Jewel was on Howard Stern's Show (on Sirius ) this week and she sang the following song, The Needle And The Damage Done (Neil Young). It was pretty haunting, sad and I've had it stuck in my head ever since. So I take a moment to think about all of the people who have loved, and lost anybody they loved to a horrible addiction or disease. No matter when, why or how, it hurts just the same, and leaves a hole in our hearts forever. Even though we know that they're safe, loved and still living on in our hearts and right by our side, watching and hearing every word, and every tear, we miss them terribly. Here's to needed hope for the ones not yet too far gone. Sending out healing, love and strength to everyone... Love, Aunt Jackie

It's very hard to sum-up how I am feeling tonight. It's a strange melancholy. I am mixed up between getting the holiday spirit and thoughts of organizing my house and decorating with festive bells and whistles, and trying to shield myself from cold, hard realities. I would go into it right now if I could, but I really don't have all of the words to illustrate everything that's in my heart. However, I will forewarn you that the next few days, while I am trying to work it out, there may be some depressing, emotional posts. So if you don't want to get dragged under my painful current, then read with caution. Innocence is fleeting, I should've had a harder life to prepare me for some of the things that I am going to have to go through in these next years, but up until now, nothing has really 'stepped up' to play the part of the teacher, I guess you could say. For now, I go to gather my thoughts... and to prevent further 'rambling', I am just going to...

(*Warning: Do not read if you don't want to hear anything negative or "depressing". I am just about to rant on some inner feelings. If you would rather just move along and only want me to make you laugh, then consider this the end of the post. **Smile** Have a great weekend!!! :) Still here?? O.k., well here goes. (As we all know, no matter how mad a crab gets, in the end it still gets cooked) I'm not sure quite how to illustrate how I'm feeling this morning. I woke up feeling like Christmas, with a crisp chill in the air and slight sparkle. Then that fizzled, and I continued nibbling on that same bad taste in my mouth that I went to bed with. Momentarily, I could faintly see the frazzles on the end of my rope. I'm just tired... tired of the fragile, glass road of life. And I'm tired of being misunderstood and feeling like I am forced to chew socks every time I express what's on my mind. I'm always the enemy, I can never possibly be right, and I wo...

“You can't go home again.” Thomas Wolfe Monday finds me rather emotional and feeling a bit strange after a nice visit with both my parents yesterday afternoon. I have had every intention of writing a story over the weekend, but it just didn't come... Mom, Dad and I ate dinner, and sat around chatting about so many things. Of course, my Dad has been in an increasingly odd state where he will get hooked on a subject and he can't seem to let it go. If he wants something done, he'll repeat it 20 times until you have done what it is he wants. Lately, he's obsessing over this country song that I sang for him at the family reunion and it's all he can talk about (makes Mom play the demo that I recorded long ago in Nashville over and over). Then he'll ask me repeatedly if I remember a certain event (from the past) that happened before I was born and I'll have to tell him no once again. Mom will jump in and remind him "Dad, Jackie wasn't even born yet....

However, This one ran straight into a Bush... {Doh!!} Thanksgiving here in the U.S. is just a day away... (counting down to Mom's Dressing!), and now that my wonderful lunch (below) has digested, and i've pretty much finished up my Tuesday, I had one more song I would like to reflect on-I get stuck on this song every once in a while--it's "Love is A Stranger" by The Eurythmics (Annie Lennox). There's just something about this song, if you've ever felt an obscession, a passion, a heated love (or something like it) for someone, you can understand what Annie is singing about. I know I do, and really just love this song... Hope you enjoy it--I'll be around tomorrow with maybe some funny Thanksgiving-related stories for you guys. [*Note: as this is sort of 'vintage' footage, the quality isn't that great, but it was all I could find.]

Sunday is drawing to a close for me, and once again the weekend has passed too fast. In remembering songs that evoke and stir pain in my heart, I also include Iggy Pop with "Candy". I'm sure i'll have more to say tomorrow... :) Enjoy!

I'm feeling rather emotional this weekend, which is "me" anyway, no use in hiding that. I've had lots of weird feelings passing through my mind about past moments and many good times (the best) that i've had, times I truly treasure. Jimi Hendrix is one of my absolute favorites, and a song that means so much to me on so many levels is "Little Wing", the lyrics, the song, what it has brought to my life I can't really put into words here, but it's very moving, has alot of meaning. I thought I would share it here, as I really can't sort my thoughts out well enough to put anything else up this weekend, so I'll listen to this song, and daydream about emotions, passions and wonderful times past... Well shes walking through the clouds With a circus mind thats running round Butterflies and zebras And moonbeams and fairy tales Thats all she ever thinks about Riding with the wind. When Im sad, she comes to me With a thousand smiles, she gives to me ...