Thursday, May 31, 2007

Some of My Worst Mistakes Have Been Haircuts

I popped by "However" (Chelly's blog) and nicked this quotation...

"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts." (-Jim Morrison)

This got me thinking... Some of my worst mistakes have probably been haircuts too... although not all of them (I will post a few photographs of some of these tragic haircuts I had just as soon as I get my hands on some).

I've had a few 'doosies' and "near miss" incidents in my life, as well as things I wish I hadn't done... but we can't go back, can we?

Sometimes when I go home (home to Mom & Dad's house), I feel the essence of my youth, and I seem to expect a time warp of sorts... as if I am there long enough, then maybe all of a sudden the 'kids' will all come driving up the driveway and things will be like they are supposed to be again. Once again, things will go back to being 'right'. I close my eyes tightly, then when I open them I look down at the end of the driveway and still, nobody is there.

I feel guilty on the inside for ever leaving home. Maybe that is part of being the baby of the family? I can see my family, my Mom and Dad and the house so clearly in my mind, being just as bright and full of joy as ever. But it is as if I am standing outside it looking upon it in a glass case... it is there, somewhere in time but I can't get back in... I can only view it in my dreams now.

So, sometimes I take the notion that maybe, just maybe things would have never changed if I hadn't moved away. Maybe Daddy's condition wouldn't have worsened, maybe Mom wouldn't have had to quit her job at Wal*Mart, the one she loved so much--that seemed to keep her going at times... Maybe I wouldn't have ever grown up at all. Maybe the rest of the family wouldn't be in pain and maybe everyone could be back together again, same as it ever was... Dad always called me a "Pipe Dreamer". I guess he is right about that... I'm constantly dreaming of a time when everything goes back to perfect. But was anything ever perfect?

Perfection is a state of personal perception over a time of life which seems so fantastic now in retrospect. I know we've always had problems of one thing or another... So this is all a big bunch of ridiculousness that I have dreamed up in one of my better trippy moments I suppose... If so, I guess I prefer to live my happy illusion that things were indeed perfect. Everyone else can harbor their resentments of the past.

So sure-life moved on, and yes I did many things that I shouldn't have done, some of which I wish I actually 'hadn't' done... but then everything you do, and everything you go through brings you to this exact moment and makes you who you are today... so I guess true regret would depend on just how much you love yourself right now.

When I think of my philosophies on Life, I always try to pass on the "No Regrets" policy... and I guess for the most part, I don't have that many regrets. However hard we try, though most people at least have a few. What regrets have you?

Turn Up The Lemmy Juice

Motorhead... surely the cure for any blues...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Coffee Talk and Salad Days

Back to life, back to reality... Back to the here and now yeah! Yeah, back to it... The weekend really did pass off way too fast [once again]. Seems like time is constantly moving into a fast-forward mode, more each day. I didn't get very much done over the weekend, not like I'd planned. I didn't get to go and see the Reverend Horton Heat Show at the Young Avenue Deli. Seems like that happens alot nowadays. I can't get anyone to really go anywhere or do anything fun... it's a bummer sometimes. Actually with the Reverend Horton Heat show, once it was nearly time just from the hassle of worrying over getting prepared and trying to go, I was put off it anyway so I didn't care anymore.

So I played video games a bit, tried to get some things done and went down to my Parents' house Sunday night to visit. First off, I arrived later than my Mother desired, so as is becoming the trend, she greeted me in a bad mood. I've talked about this before, she's not the same peaceful, medicinal "Mom" that I've known all my life, it's more now about feeling life has cheated her, or seeming bitter about the current circumstances. None of us call or come see her enough, although 'she understands we all have our own lives, and can't be expected to be bothered with her'. Things like that, that's what I am coming to know and expect from my visits home... nothing is as it used to be, nothing at all.

"Fill'er Up!"
She finally apologized, saying to 'look over her' she just didn't feel well or she was tired, and didn't mean to sound negative. Fair enough, I tried my best to look over it and take the conversation to an uplifting place. We sat and visited over coffee. I tend to drink more coffee when I go home to Mom's than I ever drink on a normal basis. She had previously complained that we arrive too late, when it is time for her to go to bed and then we're usually ready to leave by noon and that is useless for any sort of visit. I felt it was futile to fight with her or to oppose what she was saying. She was in full lecture mode, and seems to be using me as an outlet more these days... Maybe I deserve it I don't know. ("Pack your bags, you're going on a guilt trip!")

The next morning, Memorial Day (Monday) was a little better. I woke up early enough to go in and sit and have some of her wonderful coffee and we had a quiet, slightly more joyful visit. Music playing, and the sounds of the birds and the warm air... took me back to the "Salad Days" when summer meant nearly 3 months of carefree youth, and the only thing we worried about was what mischief we might find, what boy we were going to pursue and how not to get caught doing things our parents would've disapproved of. So, she and I shared a few laughs, more apologies ensued, and not to exclude more complaints from her about the state of the world. But I fought the good fight to keep the conversation from taking a suicide-mission dive.

Then we went outside on the screened in front porch, which is always very relaxing to me. Mom has quite a few wind chimes hanging there, which when the breeze blows through make quite a therapeutic symphony to my ears. I propped my feet up, listened to the soft chimes and had a small "escape" for a little while... but now, it is back to reality and the deadlines that I am sooo looking forward to.

Guess we just have to keep on moving, and keeping on :)

Freedom Is Not Free

I just want to take a moment to honor those who have passed in the line of duty standing up for what they believe in, and fighting for the freedoms that we sometime take so for granted. You are appreciated, missed and loved. Thanks to you, and those of you who are still out there, fighting hard for your families, our country and sacraficing yourselves, being away from your families and fighting for a freedom that we know is definitely not free... Our hearts are with you today and always.

Memorial Day is Every Day...

Friday, May 25, 2007

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Five

"Sometimes at night, I see their faces, I feel the traces they left on my soul. Those are the memories that make me a wealthy soul." -Bob Seger

He had always asked me, "Where were you five years ago??" Every time, I would smile, sometimes replying, "I don't know, I was waiting for you." But no matter how tight I closed my eyes and wished, five years before, I couldn't go back, and he hadn't been there. Still I couldn't help but imagine how it might have turned out if we had met five years earlier.

Valentine's Day that year, was the first and last time that anyone had ever made me feel truly special. He'd come down early that day to spend a few hours before work like he often did. When I answered the door, he greeted me with the same sweet intensity that I had I had come to know from him, the vibrant smile and in his hand a decorative gift bag which he handed to me.

"Happy Valentine's Day." he said, staring into my eyes.

I hugged him tightly and said, "You didn't have to do that! I wasn't expecting anything at all, just seeing you was more than enough..."

"Open it!" He urged me.

We sit down on the living room couch, side by side and he watches as I open the card. It was simple enough, with hearts and cursive text on the front and it read 'So Glad We're Friends... (Happy Valentine's Day)." And then on the inside he wrote, "From Me To You, Z".

Very simple, yet unspoken. His actions said so much more than the card even needed to. For one thing, simply him being there taking any time out of a day like Valentine's Day was something he knew he didn't have to do. I would've never expected that, but then he gave me a gift that was more symbolic and caring than I had ever been given. It wasn't chocolate, it wasn't roses. I slid the card back into it's envelope and reached in the bag and pulled out a little ceramic angel, it was simple and sweet in a 'sleeping' stance with its arms folded around its knees, its hair and wings brushed in gold, and it had a tiny little bouquet of baby's breath attached.

I looked up into his eyes, quite moved and proclaimed. "I love it... it's beautiful!"

"It's you. When I saw it, to me that's you." He said, squeezing my hand, we kissed and remained embraced for a few moments.

"Nobody's ever given me anything on Valentine's Day, well except my Dad. He always gave my mom and me a card and box of chocolates. This is the first time Valentine's Day has ever felt special to me... I'll never forget it... ever."

Our days and moments together came and went like a breeze combing through summer heat. Looking back, I wish for the ability to freeze time.

It was a night like any other work night. Ironically, I was making proofs just the same as I was when he first informed me that he 'knew someone who was so enchanted with me'. I saw him approaching, and felt the same sweet butterflies that I always did whenever he was near me.

He moved up to me slowly, and I sensed a painful air about him. Nearly arm-to-arm and with a sorrowful whisper, he announced. "I can't do this anymore."

I continued my proofs, still looking down. Tears began collecting behind my eyeballs, and a lump formed in my throat. I was silent for a few minutes... he remained by my side.

I finally managed to choke out a soft, "Why?" and tried to look at his eyes, but I couldn't.

"You're so special to me, and you will always be so special to me. But this, it isn't right and I just can't continue. It's tearing me apart, and it's not fair to you, me, or my family... I just can't anymore."

I truly did not want to hurt him or cause him any additional pain because I knew how hard it was, and I didn't think he was being insincere or using me. I couldn't muster up many words, and didn't quite know what to say... I was utterly miserable on the inside but I managed to try and smile. I looked at him, smiling through the tears that I was so desperately trying to hold back.

I nodded and whispered. "Alright. I understand."

He asked me if I was sure I'd be o.k... what was I going to say? I tried my best to put up the brave face and be a lady to him. The whole time we were together I took his best interest at heart and called myself 'looking after him' so that he wouldn't do anything to mess his life up... Maybe I did too much of it, maybe if I hadn't been so concerned and conscious, trying to keep him from getting into trouble, I wouldn't have lost him.

But as I said before, I didn't want him at the cost of pain to anyone else or the loss of his family. I was in love with him, and had no desire to cause him hurt or pain. Not that it wasn't extremely hard for me to stop wanting to be with him, or to stop needing to talk to him and hear his voice. He did the best he could at the time, letting me down easy-maybe even letting himself down easy, I don't know.

We still talked, but he was trying to distance himself-I could barely deal with it. I eventually had to find a new job, and try to move on because I couldn't live with myself, work there knowing how things had to be... could not live with the reality that we could not have any type of relationship.

"I have tried, but I just can't be your friend." he had said.

My new job was working at the casino, and I still couldn't stop myself from trying to meet up with him on his way home because I knew about what time he passed through and we'd stop and sit in my car and talk for a few minutes here and there. Eventually, that ended too.

I didn't mean to make it agonizing, I feel like he ended up hating me. It was my worst fear that he might end up regretting that he ever knew me, or worse yet that he'd regret "us". I guess I'll never know how he felt, as he eventually cut himself off from me completely.

My self esteem was at an all time low, and it was this period of my life I made some of the worst decisions that I could've ever made. I entered into a nightmarish relationship that was worse for me than anything anyone could dream. It was a black hole in my life that I will forever regret, but that's another story entirely.

Do I blame Z? I don't want to blame him, he did what he had to do although I wish that he hadn't treated me like a "mistake" in the end, and could've remained my friend. There are just some parts of Life that we simply aren't meant to understand I guess.

Z gave me his music, he showed me his soul, but he took a big part of me with him when he went away. There were moments of supreme ecstasy, and moments when I thought my heart was breaking. But I held on and I think part of my heart always will. I'm not sure why, maybe because nothing else was ever so strong or perfect to me.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

From Me to You, Z... I'll never forget...

"Well, she's walking through the clouds,
With a circus mind that's running wild,
Butterflies and Zebras,
And Moonbeams and fairy tales.
That's all she ever thinks about.
Riding with the wind.

When I'm sad, she comes to me,
With a thousand smiles she gives to me free.
It's alright, she says it's alright,
Take anything you want from me,
Fly on little wing."
Previous Chapters:
Butterflies Part I
Butterflies Part II
Butterflies Part III
Butterflies Part IV

Strength in Numbers

Truly survival of the fittest and why I admire animals so much! Video is around 8 minutes, if you have the time it's really cool-watch it. This is to tide you guys over until I finish "Butterflies Part Five". I will be posting it today, so come back and check maybe in a bit! :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part IV

Latest Chapter... please enjoy.

Got some catching up to do? Then you can check Parts I - III here:
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III

After the night at the lake, things were a little stranger... not in a bad way, but there were more understood feelings there, even if we didn't talk about them, we knew what had been said and how the other felt. Looking back, I guess I had aspirations of the thing lasting indefinitely.

Even Z had said, "Who knows, this might last a few months, it could last ten years." But I romanticized it, and I wanted it to go on, and on and on. We continued to see each other whenever we could work it out, and we even planned a Friday off together here and there. One in particular stands out in my memory.

"This Friday," Z said, "Let's spend the whole day together."

This was completely agreeable to me, as I took any opportunity to spend time alone with him that I could. Friday arrived, and we had agreed on a place to meet. I made myself irresistable and set out to my destination, to see this man who I had grown so attached to... The one I had come to feel was my soulmate.

Did he view the situation the same way I did? I might never know. I thought he did, he had said and done so many things that were contradictory of a man merely behaving 'dog-like'... but he was a man indeed, and I was not seeing things as objectively as I should. I couldn't... I was too snow blinded by the stars in my eyes and the heat in my heart, and I couldn't see that far ahead.

We met at a familiar place in Hernando, he left his car in the parking lot. He had brothers that lived near and could easily say that he was with one of them if he needed to. We had talked of going to the Casino area. He'd wanted to just 'hang out' and enjoy time together, maybe gamble if we felt like going into one of the casinos... But our ultimate plan was to get a hotel room at one of the casinos, as it was such a busy place-we thought it might be perfect for a 'hide-out getaway'. We took our time, driving back roads to get there. I always knew all of the back roads... still do.

We arrived at one of the casinos and we parked. We sat in the car for a long time contemplating...

"Let's go... let's get the room, I'm ready to do this." He said, still sounding uncertain.

"Ok, let's do it... ready? Let's go in." I replied, pretty sure of myself.

"Wait, I don't know if I can... Let's just sit here a little while longer." He blurted out, changing his mind. So we sat, and held hands talked away some of the nervousness. However, he simply couldn't go in. I don't know what the difference was in getting the casino hotel room, but it bothered him so.

So we drove around for a while in the area, then we drove some more... We found ourselves back tracking through one of the nearby lake points, and decided to stop off and relax there for a while.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't go in. I just couldn't bring myself to." He said apologetically.

"That's ok, I'm not mad. I don't care where we go anyway as long as we spend the day together." I said softly, smiling. He'd leaned in and kissed me, and as his kisses always did it stayed on my lips long after our lips had parted.

"You have such a sweet mouth." he whispered to me, face-to-face.

There was just something about him, something that made me completely crazy for him. Our kissing turned into caressing, and heated conversations and emotions as well as frustrations. He had me sit on his lap in the passenger side for hours, we would come close but he would back off, feeling too guilty to go any further.

Our conversations included hypothetical scenarios of our being married, what life would be like together... things we would do, how happy we could truly be. Even though I had never fancied myself a parent, the way he talked to me about having babies together made me want to, and made me want him even more. But we both knew that talking about it, being turned on by the ideas was one thing... making it a reality was another. There were just way too many complications and too many factors that would keep the dream from coming true.

He spoke seriously of the situation on more than one occasion, asking me, "If I really went through with it, you know... do you think you could see yourself marrying me?"

"I believe I could... yes. There's nothing that would make me happier."

I doubted he would ever go that far--you know, really go through with it, and I truly had no intent on ruining someone's family or their lives. I didn't want him to do something he would regret, and I was always honest. Though truth be known, deep down inside, there was nothing I would've loved better... Things were not that easy though. This is how I rationalized it in my head, even though I wanted what he was proposing to be reality, I don't think I was brave enough to fight the world and have it come true.

We would've both have to make many sacrifices and be ready to change our lives forever. Were we ready and willing to do that? When it came down to it, could we really do what was necessary? It just wasn't that simple... I wished it was.

That was very long day together, and one of the most beautiful, yet frustrating times we may have spent.

"You're making me insane! You're just draining me of all my energy." I plead, as he lets me know he just can't go through with what we had planned that evening.

"I'm sorry." he replied, with his head down, holding my hand. He had so many conflicting emotions going on and we both felt a little out of control... I never wanted it to be that complicated, and I never wanted to hurt a soul.

Soon, a guy who worked the 3rd shift--who needed nights at home with his son, bumped me so he could take 2nd shift. Things were feeling worse than ever for me. I couldn't adjust to nights, I couldn't get Z off my mind and I could barely function without him around. Sometimes I could put a request in to work the earlier shift, and when I could I dove at the chance just to work near him again. Then on days that we were low on work I would be the first to volunteer to be the one they sent home early so I could go sleep, or talk to him.

When I got off in the early morning, as soon as she had left for work, he would call me or I would call him and we would talk on the phone for hours, or he would try to come by my place on his way in to work and spend a couple of hours.

"You sound so sexy first thing in the morning." He would always say.

I would just smile and blush silently, telling him that it was his voice that sounded so hot... and that I was so glad to hear him. It was the only thing that was getting me through after being bumped to 3rd shift. I truly hated it, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were... I had not wanted anything to change. Everyone knows, though, that change is imminent... and nothing gold can stay.
>> Continue to Chapter Five (Conclusion)

Miss a part? Choose a Chapter Below:
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part IV
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Five (Conclusion)

Was It Good For You?

It's Over, Have A Cigarette... Heroes that is. I'm sitting here reeling in what some say was an 'anticlimactic ending'. It was pretty good for me though.

Ideally, I would liked to have seen a more powerful battle between Peter and Sylar, but it didn't happen. I was also a little disappointed that Hiro was flung into nowhere by Sylar, but I realize it is an integral part in what they have planned in the next season for him.

So, what do you think about Sylar? Do you think he's still alive? I mean, he clearly crawled into the sewer and got away somehow, but what will they do with him... Hmmm. Could be interesting. Does anyone think that Peter went out there, possibly didn't die and maybe he'll be back?? Was Officer Parkman dead or will he survive?

What would you like to see in Part 2? (Don't answer that if you hate Heroes, this is a Heroes-hate-free zone). :)

All-in-all, I enjoyed the finale, and am left with more assurance than I had in the fact that I will enjoy the next season. I am pretty interested to find out what they are going to do with the remaining characters from this season, and see who they bring in and how the story continues to develop.

Please stand by for an official update from Mr. J in his own words...

"These people are coming back for sure, the ones not mentioned might come back but nobody really knows. This is from E online so it is official.

Claire Bennett, Hiro Nakamura, Peter Petrelli, Niki Sanders, Nathan Petrelli, Micah Sanders, and Molly."

Thanks :)

Monday, May 21, 2007

Southern Voices and Visions

My friend Faith, (a.k.a. Jinks), has asked if I might put this up to help a good friend of hers, David Tankersley.

He is a wonderful artist and in order to keep the website going he needs funding, which he collects through his art work, which can be viewed on it. So please take a look when you have time, and if you like any of his work, your support would be greatly appreciated!

To read an article by Faith Jackson (Jinks), and to check out the rest of David Tankersley's Southern Voices & Visions site, Go to:


Saturday, May 19, 2007

Ace of Spades

Welcome to Saturday, my favorite day of the week. Who couldn't love it? Unless of course you have to work on Saturday. No harm in it-sometimes you have to-I've certainly done my time working weekends before.

My Saturday has been quite nice so far-I didn't sleep overly late, woke up and gave my husband a facial, made turkey burgers with bleu cheese and am actually accomplishing a thing or two. What's that you say?? Go back-up to which part? Oh-the facial?

No, no no!! You misunderstand. No he didn't give me a return facial-you dirty minded sons-abitches, I meant that literally!! ha-ha. Yes, a real facial. I started out with a nice moisturizing Aveeno soap he bought himself, followed by an Alpha-Hydroxy mask and then I applied moisturizing toner and then Aloe for a refreshing hydrating effect. Yes, my husband has his quirks, and I suppose I can only blame myself... He's spoiled to little things I do to pamper him.

What's that you say? Do I make him wear dresses and put make-up on his face?!?! What kind of question is that? Of course NOT! You guys are insufferable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man taking care of his skin. I actually enjoyed lavishing him with the attention too. Facials are quite relaxing... Oh stop your snickering!

Anyway, other than that I hope to continue having a productive and fun weekend. I have not gone to the barbecue fest yet-I doubt I will, I'm not a fan of pork anyway and I really would rather be friends with the pigs than see them on a grill... They're quite wonderful animals. I only blogged about the event as an informative post anyway, just so you know what sort of events we have down by the River... Memphis is some city. It has its good and bad points I guess, but I've been around here all my life.

One of these days though, I would love to head north, strip naked and make snow angels... Yep, that's what I'm gonna do... one day. Nothing is impossible, you just never know.

Rock on everybody-have a good Saturday. ;)

Friday, May 18, 2007

Mud, Buttons and Barbecue

Friday is a great time to relax and have fun. Come to think of it, anytime is a great time to do just that in my book. It's not always possible though, as sometimes you just have to 'TCB' (Take Care of Business). Usually it's when you're uselessly stressing over things that you think you're supposed to stress over, but inevitably have no control over (hint: that's pretty much ANYTHING that you would stress about), that's when other forces of nature (or freaks of nature) come along to pile on the additional rage or annoyance. This was pause for me stop and contemplate what entities, occurrences or idiots push my buttons at just those moments! :)

So here are just a few!

  1. Drivers who deliberately screw you over at 4-way stops when clearly it wasn't their turn

  2. Rude drivers in general, or those who drive while putting on make-up or styling their hair

  3. Rude people period

  4. People, obviously thinking that they are the only person in existence who try to walk into the elevator the second the door opens before even letting you off the elevator first. I think the person getting out has the 'right of way', am I wrong? (this goes under rudeness too I guess)

  5. In an office environment:

    • People who forget that others are working or speaking over the phone with clients who use "Speakerphone" for every call, even though they are not in a 'conference call', is it too taxing to pick up that heavy receiver?

    • Those same people who stand close to your cubicle while you're quietly assisting someone over the phone (sans speakerphone) who do not know what an "Inside Voice" is

    • People who walk up and interrupt you while you're talking and disrespectfully change the subject

    • People who incessantly sneak up behind you, and stare over your shoulder just to be nosy

    • People who go through several steps to ask you to do something for them, when in that same amount of time they wasted trying to e-mail you about it, they could've already done said task themselves

  6. Anyone driving next to you, at a stop light, pulling up at a gas station, or going through a drive-thru that has their radio turned up loud enough to share it with anyone in a 2 mile radius. We appreciate your thinking of us, but we have our own music and don't need yours.

  7. I repeat myself to state that I cannot abide people who ride around with their bright (high-beam) headlights on, usually combined with their fog lights, the brightness of which would make Ray Charles emerge from his grave and shoot them the bird.

  8. People in any public place that stare. Didn't your mother tell you that was rude? If you want to see something truly funny, peek in the mirror.

  9. Stupid bumper stickers plastered all over people's vehicles, as well as ridiculous license tags like '2QT4U' or 'SUZESTOY'. You're not cute, we don't care what your name is and your 'Toy' is a beat-up, ragged out hunk of metal. Deal with it.

  10. Anyone in a customer service position who looks at you like you shot their mother when you ask them for something, something that simply constitutes doing their job. (i.e., "May I have some ketchup?" or "Pardon me, could you show me to the housewares department?"). To repeat myself, if you don't like people, customer service is not the field for you.
Really people, I could go on and on, but I wont... There's too much material to cover here. :)

In other news, this weekend in Memphis they are having the Memphis in May World Championship Barbecue Cooking Contest. You can click that link, which will load a cool photo gallery of the events. There's fun, food and gratuitous amounts of beer to be had at the fest... Some of the events at the Barbecue Festival include a "Miss Piggy" contest, which is a 'beauty' pageant (of sorts)-always hilarious.

For instance, below is one of the barbecue teams sports a clever name and great slogan... Believe me, it gets pretty wild and wonderfully amusing. (Click the photo to view their site).

Another cool and interesting team is Natural Born Grillers.

Of course the judging of the barbecue itself, which involves many teams independent and professional alike who compete to win, sporting hilarious names and costumes for their 'teams'. This whole Memphis in May thing is something to see at least once, if you ever visit Memphis... However, I may or may not make it--It's tough to brave the crowd and the parking and just encounters with mostly rude people (see above). Then again, who knows-If I'm feeling adventurous I just might end up down by the Muddy Mississippi River listening to tunes and sampling 'World Famous' Barbecue.

Delish!!! :)

Whatever you happen to do this weekend, or wherever you may roam... may it be loads of fun, rage-free and 100% safe!!! Have a blast guys, I'll try to... XOXO.


Funny How?!

Today I have desperately needed "funny", & I was listening to Howard Stern, one of his guests was Henry Hill... I've read lots of text and watched a good many Mob Movies, as I love Mob Movies... but this little appearance sparked an interest in re-watching Goodfellas, so I found this clip from the movie, one of my favorite parts from it and thought I would share the laughter...

Pretty cool story, even if it isn't the most accurate depiction of everyone involved... The only thing it is missing is my favorite Sexy Mobster, Mr. Chazz Palminteri. :) Kisses to all you sexy gangsters out there... XOXO

Love, Aunt Jackie.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Everything's Better with Ketchup

Well, I'm playing a bit of Ketchup today in my work, since I was in training class yesterday-which went fine, I rather enjoyed it. Got my web skills fresh on the brain and all. Guess I'll just post another semi-short one today, as I haven't really had time to write up anything new. I do plan on continuing to bring you the rest of my Butterflies, Zebras and Moonbeams saga, so if you're enjoying that then look for more of it soon. If you haven't read it, you can click This Link Or The Link Above and you can go through parts I - III and 'Ketchup'. :)

Before Mother's Day, I had spoken about the family and there seems to be an ever-increasing gap growing between us all. Each of my family members has been through way more than they deserve, I don't deny that. My sisters each have their crosses to bear, with pains that they have experienced; so does my Mother by a long shot. I have been through a good bit but nothing compared to them yet, but I'm sure that I will... that's life. We know that Life is a mixture of pain and ecstasy, that's a given. But it's how we handle it that counts.

Therefore, Mother's Day was almost as much of a downer as I had expected--Everyone left their husbands at home, which I guess was fine-I didn't mind spending the girl time with my sisters and mom. My Mom, in addition to the things that already have her down in life tends to take on the pains of the rest of the family whether you want her to or not. You can keep things from her, tell her not to worry, but she still does. You can try to hide the truth from her, try to make her think that things are fine when they're not. Even if you think you're doing it to 'spare her' of the worry, it doesn't. She is going to worry anyway.

As I said, everyone in my family has their own pains going on right now but Mother's day tended to highlight my sister, Jeanne's. She was in a raunchy mood I could tell just when she arrived. I tried to speak to her by saying, "Jean, I'm so glad to see you." to which she shot me a cold, dagger-like stare and then just looked away as she walked into the house never even acknowledging my affection. I can excuse that I guess given all that I feel she had on her heart, although she's never given me much sisterly love. I sometimes wonder if it's a resentment of me being the baby of the family... who knows... I only know that the whole mood of Mother's Day was rather tough to take.

Spent some quality time with my great-niece Reanna and great-nephew Jackson on the floor of the screened in porch drawing and coloring. Kids can renew the spirit and help you forget the adult-hells that we bring upon ourselves...

All in all, I see the aging and decline of my family, and now more than ever I want to scramble to hold onto my childlike heart and mind. When we're fortunate enough to have family and friends that love us, we should cherish them and recognize the value of that. Not everyone gets to be that lucky... even though things are hard sometimes, it could always be worse... just take a look around.

Having a youthful outlook and soul is not a crime. In my opinion, it is mandatory for making it through this world alive. I'm going to stop feeling guilty that I refuse to "grow up"... It's an advantage if you ask me.

None of us make it out of here alive, so while we're here we should squeeze every drop of joy we can out of it... even when it hurts. Honestly, just as the saying states "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing."

So go out there and be childish, find humor wherever you can and laugh... big stomach cramping belly laughs. Don't care who's watching, don't care if someone's whispering about it. Just do it. And if that doesn't help, add Ketchup.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Having A Little Class

Hello all. I am in a training class today, but I had a break and I thought I would stop by and see how you all were doing. The class is going well, it's pretty much stuff I already know so it's more of a 'refresher'. It's a welcome break from the office though, as I figure most of you will agree that it's always nice having a change of pace.

Yesterday I noticed something that slightly irritated me, people wearing shirts with 'Who they are' listed on the back of them. "Coach Scott", "Ryan's Mom", etc... I can understand the coach one, because it might be a required Jersey. However, I don't care who Ryan's mom is because I don't even know Ryan from Adam so that's a waste of ink, stitching or iron-ons whatever the material might be. May as well be like those irritating bumper stickers on peoples cars that Rockdog was talking about the other day... Some things just shouldn't be plastered all over your body or your car.

My opinion... Well, it's back to the learning experience.

Have a great day everybody.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Carpe Diem!! (Memento Mori)

Well, Happy Mother's Day to all of my "Mothers" out there and even those that play the part of a mother, whatever the circumstances are. Know that you are appreciated and remember that life would not exist without you. That's alot of pressure, but you're doing just fine! Go and Seize the Day!! It's yours... just don't do anything that I WOULD do, and you'll probably make it through unscathed... lol

I'm getting prepared to go down to my very own Mother's house today to celebrate her.

But it's getting harder and harder to do that. The woman who has always been uplifting and angelic to me has been increasingly bitter and sad. I'm having the worst time dealing with it--She apologizes sometimes for sounding so bad and then reinforces that 'She has been lucky, and she doesn't mean to complain'. I know it's taking its toll taking care of my Father, in his declining condition and all, he has his good days and his bad. She has to take care of virtually everything, and doesn't seem to be able to find any happiness anymore. She has scrambled in the last few weeks and months to try and get affairs "settled" because she's so afraid that our family is going to turn into a pack of dogs and fight over things and fall apart. (I can understand that she might feel this way, familys do tend to turn apathetic and greedy in times like those--I sincerely hope that my family does not).

I feel like in the end, she's feeling like she's been dealt a raw deal and that none of her dreams have been allowed to come true. Just last night she was talking about 'dissappearing' one day and living the rest of her days out at some "Girl Scout Camp", never to be found and living out the rest of her days doing what she always dreamed of.

But you know, it's the simple fact that of what I have said all along... Life is just really hard. They don't tell you when you're young how badly it is going to suck at times, or how hard it can truly hit you. They allow you to grow up happy and in your little fairytale (with some exceptions, and i'm sure you or they know who they are).

I think the kids growing up hard might have a better advantage though. In my case, I grew up thinking the world was full of magic and that everything was going to be so fantastic, only to be rudely awakened by the realities of most things... I think I would have much rather been warned... "Hey Jackie-Have your fun and enjoy this magic now, because in a few years that's it! Adulthood, responsibilities, dissappointments, death and of course taxes, that's your future... Grab all you can!!!"

Oh sure, I know... "Suck it up--quit being a baby!" That's fine... I know--It's just something we all have to deal with... it's true. I also know we create our own existence and we're responsible for our own lives and circumstances... Believe me, I preach that daily to my friends and loved ones in the constant role I play of keeping others pepped up and trying to make them happy... But it's easier said than done sometimes.

This is an official 'venting' I guess... reflecting as I am on this Mother's Day... wondering how I am supposed to go and slap on my 'smiley face' and pretend that it is a happy occasion (like our family occasions used to be), and try to be uplifting and pretend that everyone is happy to see one another and imagine that I am surrounded by love and happiness.

So everyone, as you go to celebrate yourself remember the above phrase and make the most of each day.

"Carpe Diem... Memento Mori." ~[Seize the day... Remember you are mortal.]

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Points to Ponder, Thursday

"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be."
- William Hazlitt

I'll leave you with that and give you time to catch up on the "Butterflies" saga... Happy Reading!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III

It is suggested that Part I and Part II be read before reading the following, Part III. Read at your own risk. :)

"She's in Alabama for a teacher's conference for the weekend. I'm coming to pick you up. Baby is with my Mom, I have the whole night." His voice was deep and warm, and when he spoke to me I would forget the reality of our situation. Maybe I didn't want to realize it, maybe things were just too perfect and I couldn't give up this manically ecstatic feeling... it was what I had waited all my life to feel, I believed he was the one. I felt it in my soul.

"O.k., I can't wait to see you." I replied. Restlessly I waited, shivering in anticipation of getting the entire night to be with him. I would not waste any of this time sleeping. I was a night owl anyway, and had always been able to hang with the best of them.

"I'm in my brother's truck." he informs me.

"See you in a bit." There was a long pause, wherein smiles could be felt even out of sight.


He pulled up to my curve in a semi-loud, older black pick-up truck. I knew his younger brother, he worked out in the plant on the presses, and was always extremely nice. They shared the same bright smile. To this day I don't know if he knew, but all men, friends or brothers share 'the code'... By the code, I mean the 'vow of secrecy and protection' that won't allow one man to tell the women what's going on. They always have each other's backs.

I peered out the window and saw that he'd arrived. Last minute checks to see if everything was in order (forgetting anything? No-check.) So I walked out the door, locking it behind me. Then sprint anxiously to join him in the truck. We sit there for a moment, as he seems to be "memorizing" what I look like at that very instance. He smiles, grabs my hand and leans in giving me a feverish hello kiss.

He cranks up the truck and off we go.

"I thought we'd drive to Sardis Lake." said Z.

"Sounds good to me, I don't care where we go." I reply happily.

We hold hands the entire way there, heading down the interstate towards the exit for the lake. We took the north-most exit and headed to a part of the lake we were quite sure was deserted, one of the hidden points. I looked at his muscular thighs while he was driving, the shade of the trendy jeans he was wearing made them look even hotter to me. I stared at his hands, the one on the steering wheel and the one in mine as I sat shoulder-to-shoulder, as close as possible... he insisted. Meanwhile, the radio played on with some forgotten tune.

We found our ideal spot, it was late-evening and not another living soul seemed to be in sight. He stopped the truck, turned off the ignition leaving the key on so that we could continue listening to the radio. My breathing accelerated, my heart pumped at the speed of light and goosebumps marched the battlefields of my skin. Why was I so weak in his presence? Why did he affect me so strongly? I wasn't concerned with those questions at this point as I only knew the elation that I felt in his arms, and the fantasy I had in my head that came true every time our eyes met. He was definitely the one, and I was falling so far in love that my eyes were blinded to reality.

"Let's lie down on the seat." He requested. The truck had one long seat that went across the cab.


I lean back, relaxing against the passenger door. With an overpowering movement, he pulls me to exactly where he wants me, as he slides forward and rests warmly and perfectly over me. Doors are locked as the radio plays softly like some romantic movie from long ago.

"I don't want to crush you." he warns.

"You're not hurting me at all... I love feeling your weight on me." I assure him.

He lowers his lips to mine, melting my entire being. We kiss for some time, caressing each others' faces, skin, body. Nothing had ever fit together this perfectly, or felt as intense. We were like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and came together as one amazing work of art. Every embrace, every kiss drove us both crazy, we were on a roller coaster and did not want it to stop.

Somehow, though, there was always something holding us back. Just as in that very first night, I asked a stupid question "Are you in a hurry?", which caused him to screech to a halt. Oftentimes, it was his own guilt tearing him apart, making him falter between the heavily developing feelings between us and the life he knew that he should be living. Tonight, he was right on track. His lips were moving over mine with such tender force, my hands were on his broad shoulders, his hair, pulling him as close as I could. Relaxed and swept away, he began to move further. I could tell he was in the right state of mind and that he could truly let go of any hesitation or inhibitions. But it was me this time that had to hit the breaks... "It's that time." I whispered softly but with such regret.

The look on his face said it all, he was disappointed and so was I but it did not change his level of passion.

"That's o.k., we can still be together all night." And with that, he continued, kissing me so strong, showing me how it was supposed to be. We made love that night, but not in the classical sense. We consumed each other, body mind and soul. This went on and on until the wee small hours. It was nearly morning, daylight was not that far away. Sometime during our evening together he had remarked "Man, I was really prepared and really ready tonight, I wanted you so bad, I do. The hours flew by, and it was getting way late and we both knew it.

He had to get back, as he was staying at his Mom's that night and his young daughter was there.

The ride back was as happy and relaxed as the ride to the lake. When we reached my apartment, he pulled up to the curve the opposite direction from when he picked me up, and we sat silently holding hands for a few final minutes before his dawn departure. He broke the silence, allowing some feelings to be known... feelings that I hadn't even allowed to be spoken myself.

"I feel like I'm falling in love."

I swallowed hard, not sure how to respond. I was overjoyed at this proclamation, yet afraid at the same time for the many possibilities that something like this would involve. There were too many complications to name, things I couldn't even think about right now. All I knew or wanted to know is that I felt the same way. I loved him, I had wanted and hoped so that he would feel the same way. We would worry about the conflicts and the complications of reality later.

"I feel the same... I don't think I would ever have been able to tell you this, if you hadn't said..."

He interrupts me, "No... no you don't understand, I'm feeling like we're boyfriend and girlfriend--like really falling in love... it's just not right."

"I know, I understand." I assure him, "I feel it too." I grab his hand trying to reassure him that everything is fine. He holds mine for a long minute... squeezing it.

"I gotta go... I want to go home and see my baby." He remarks in a worried tone.

"Alright. I had a great time." I smile at him, and venture in to simply hug him good night, even though it was technically morning already.

"Me too, I enjoyed you tonight." He forgets his woes for a few short seconds as he repossesses my mouth for a heated goodbye. Then he stammers, "I.. I- I Love you." The words raced across his lips so fast even he seemed startled by them... My heart once again picked up the pace.

"I Love you too Z."

>> On To Chapter IV!

Miss a part? Want to know what happened next? Click below to choose your chapter:
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part IV
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Five (Conclusion)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Doug's Margie Song

I needed a quick laugh this fine Tuesday, and I looked curiously on YouTube for this. If you watch "King of Queens" the T.V. show, you'll know it... I give you Doug "The Boss" Heffernan with "The Margie Song".

ZigZag Tagged!!!

Thanks Zig... :) Well, here goes--i'll do the best I can to fulfill my 'taggedness'!!

A- Available? No, just celebrated my 5th anniversary this past December to the fabulous Mr. J.

B - Best Friend? I don't get close to many, but my best friends are: Mom & Dad, Mr. J and Tamra

C - Cake or Pie? Cake wasn't a very good band and I'm not much of a arithmetician (lol).

D - Drink of Choice? Unsweetened Iced Tea or an occasional Starbucks White Mocha.

E - Essential Item(s)? Music, The Internet, Lip liner, Liquid Eyeliner and emergency chocolate.

F - Favorite Color? Black or Forrest Green

G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears fo sho. I hate worms in any form.

H - Hometown? Senatobia

I - Indulgence? Ice Cream or Love. It's your call! Feeling Lucky Punk?

J - January or February? I'm with Zig on this, February-name another month as cool as's got a 29th day every 4 years and all!! :)

K - Kids? None for me thanks, I'm still just a kid myself.

L - Life is incomplete without… Music and Lust

M - Marriage Date: As in when I was married? Dec 28th. When we have a 'marriage date', we go to dinner and hang out and chill, shop or rent or see movies. (yay, exciting I know).

N - Number of Siblings: 3 older sisters, all isolated to their own lives nowadays... so I've always been more like an 'only child'.

O - Oranges or Apples? An apple a day keeps the doctor away (really, they're healthy and delicious!)

P - Phobias/Fears: Drowning, Wasps, Losing my loved ones, growing old and being unable to function.

Q - Favorite Quote: "Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die." -Salvador Dali (I have tons of favorite quotes, they change from day to day).

R - Reasons to Smile? I guess just being able to bask in the knowledge we made it through another day, have good friends and the gift of love and music.

S - Season? Winter... I love winter.

T - Tag Three: Let's see, Jinks, Corky, and Chucky are my picks!! Tag you're it guys!

U - Unknown Fact About Me: I had my first real kiss at 17.

V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Neither really, I could easily become a vegetarian, but the meat I do eat is primarily fish, or foul (very limited occasional red meat).

W - Worst habits? My occasional tendency to be clingy, jealous and overemotional. Oh, and Ice Cream.

X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? Ultrasounds are pretty cool, X-rays are uncomfortable

Y - Your Favorite Foods: Indian Food or Sushi and of course, Ice Cream.

Z - Zodiac: Cancer: the disease of the zodiac.

I'm sure that was extremely over-exciting... check your pulses now and let's go into 'cool down'.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Sunday Blahs

The weekend hasn't been much to speak of. Rather boring and uneventful really... I didn't get to go to the Music Fest, We cancelled our Barbecue as Richie wasn't really up to it and I didn't have time to get the house in order, nothing fun happened whatsoever and now it is Sunday again and i'm staring at another long work week... fantastic. Where the hell's the magic?

The only fun thing that did happen over the weekend was Friday night when Rockdog, Yas, "The Gregmeister" (Rock's buddy, who earned the nicknames "G-wad" and "Gerard"), ZigZagMan (for a while), and I (Jaxxx, AuntJackie, Jackie-whatever you call me) had the silliest, most funtastic webcam party ever!! Well, Rockdog was the only one with a webcam, so we were pretty much all acting insane and watching Rockdog pick his nose, belch and roll his eyes for the camera... nevertheless, we had a blast. Hats off to you guys, and thanks for being the only fun in my weekend!! :)

Other than that, I'm still allowing you guys some time to catch up on my Story about "Z", below... Hope you all had a good weekend yourself, and a good week to come.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I should be read before continuing...

The month was January,
and it was quite cold outside. That night, however, it was extremely warm in my soul. I suppose I got some sleep. But Z wore heavily on my mind, and I could still feel him on my skin. I still felt dizzy from that first kiss, and I couldn't wait to get to work the next day. Would he still act the same? I sure hoped that nothing would be awkward between us.

Finally, it was 2nd shift time again, and I was so ready to get there. Driving up, I looked for his car and tried to park somewhere in his vicinity. I was full of nervous energy as I walked in and ventured towards the time clock. "Get it together Jackie!" I think to myself, I had to relax and act cool.

Everyone was working along just as normal, and I kept my eye peeled for him. I was once again making customer proofs when he found a perfect moment to approach me. We exchanged knowing glances, and smiled our secret smiles.

"Hey, how're you doin?" he said.

"I'm fine, you?" (He was fine that was for sure. Stop looking at his ass! Shake out of it!)

"I'm good." He grinned even bigger... then continued, "So, when are we gonna 'practice' again?"

My heart was beating a hole in my chest. Joy overcame me. 'Thank goodness, he's not thrown off by anything that has happened so far.' (I sigh)

"Mmmm... when do you want to?" I ask, unable to wipe the smile off my face.

We took advantage of the time I had left while my roommate was still in Michigan, and beyond. We became addicted to each other, spending time after work whenever he could manage. Most of our time was spent talking, laughing, kissing... caressing. It could go on for hours and the time would scream by; we'd have to part reluctantly. I would check him for lipstick and always ensure he went home looking clean. It drove us both insane at times.

One late night on the weekend, theh phone rang. It was Z. I answered the phone, "Hello?"

He said, "She's asleep. I'm in the other room... I had to hear your voice."

"Ohhh hey I'm glad you called."

We talked for a while, his deep sensual voice washed over me... I was stepping in way too deep.

He whispered, "I wanna come down there. I need to see you."

"What??" I said, "It's pretty late, how can you manage?"

"If she wakes up, I'll say I went to the store."

"Well, of course I'd love to see you... If you're sure." I reply, excited.

"I'll be there in 30 minutes." He proclaimed.

I go into my room and turn on my music, waiting, watching for his headlights. Nervously, I go and touch up my make-up, last minute 'freshening up, primping'. Finally, a knock at the door. I peek out the blinds and see his car on the curb where he always parked. I jog to the door, so happy to see him.

He walks in and greets me in the living room with a burning, powerful kiss and strong embrace... I felt so helpless in his arms. We retreated to the bedroom and lay for hours listening to steamy music, making out and just holding one another. Lying there in his underwear, which was the sexiest underwear I'd ever seen on a man (he always wore those long boxer briefs and they really made his butt look great). He slowly undressed me, and as I protested about him seeing me he simply stared deeply into my eyes and said, "I want to look at you... I want to see your body."

I felt so pale, and insecure. But he made me feel safe and made me forget the things that I normally hesitated about, so I obliged.

"I would love to sleep with you through an entire night. I want to know how we'd sleep together."

The hour grew later and passion washed over us like high tide until he had to get back.

"I don't want to leave." he said, and of course I would've kept him there as long as I could.

I laid my head on his chest, "I wish you didn't have to go."

But he had to because of many reasons. We locked in a goodbye embrace as I kissed him good night, however it wasn't goodbye... Not by a long shot.

Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III

Miss a part? Want to know what happened next? Click below to choose your chapter:
Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part IV
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Five (Conclusion)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I

Music has been my salvation, music has also been a catalyst for my mischief and the force behind some of the trouble that I have gotten myself into... Do you ever hear certain songs that take you right back to an exact moment in time? I know I do, and I did today. It was all about Z. It's been ten years, and still the memory of Z can make me sweat.

Z knew that I was a pianist, as well as that I enjoyed singing. He could sing a fire into your soul himself with that voice of his. He's one of those memories I really shouldn't write about, but I can't quite help myself.

We worked the 2nd shift together. I always admired him, but never in a million years thought that something would come of it. But music knew... music wanted me to crash into reckless abandon, so it took the wheel.

At this printing company, I worked with a couple of other women on this 2nd shift-we were all typesetters, typesetting for mostly medical journals and other magazines. Directly behind our cubicles was a sliding window to one of the darkroom areas where proofs were made. Sometimes Z would go into that room when he had work to do there, and he would slide the glass window open and sing. At first, I never thought anything about it. He was just a very outgoing man with a glimmering smile. As the months went on though, I began "doting" on his appearances at the window and looking forward to every face-to-face interaction that we had. Eventually, it became the highlight of my day. When I got to see him, or talk to him at work I would be overjoyed. On days when he would take off for some reason, I could barely function.

He was the reason I got dressed up, perfumed and perfected my make-up. He was the smile behind my eyes that nobody could quite put their finger on (even if anyone ever wondered to themselves, which they may have-but I just didn't care). I always made a point to primp in front of him, or touch up my cologne even when I was doing it for a date... he would just watch me, gleaming.

But as I said, I never suspected... I thought he was just being friendly, and always really cool with me, but he was suppressing the same feelings that I was. Sometimes, he would even leave me cute little notes on my chair when I was away from my desk... something like "Where is that beautiful smile that you hold so well?" with little smiley faces. I still have them all. If I wasn't smiling at the time, his notes surely ignited my entire face. I began to find any little odd jobs that I could that would take me closer to his work area. I would even take some of their electronic trapping work in my spare time, making sure that he had to 'cross-train' me.

It must have happened that gradually, but it still struck me like a bolt of lightening. One night at work, he came over to me while I was doing some customer proofs. He began by making the usual small talk, and then an enormous smile stretched across his face.

In a lighthearted playful tone he said, "I know a secret. Someone at work is quite 'enchanted' with you." (Enchanted he said... Is he joking? He must be just trying to give me a hard time as he and some others commonly used to harass me about this very 'strange' fellow in our office that made me very uneasy. That must be who he's trying to tell me about).

I grin, "Who is it?? Tell me."

"He doesn't want you to know, I'm not supposed to tell." he replied, still smiling.

My blood was rushing quickly through my body like it always did whenever he was this close to me. Secretly, I wish he could have been the one but given the circumstances and just my own lack of self-esteem I knew it wasn't him. It couldn't be.

He repeatedly taunted, "Someone's enchanted with you; someone has a crush on you."

Driving me crazy, I had to know... "Come on!! Tell me please! I have to know. Unless you're lying."

He refused, and then the work night continued on as he would glance at me from across the department from his cubicle, and grin a devilish grin. Oh how I wished he would come back and talk to me more.

A bit later, he creeped up behind me once again, but I could feel the heat and knew he was there. Nevertheless, I acted surprised to see him.

Once again he said, "I know somebody who is really enchanted with you." (he kept using the word Enchanted, and it only made me more flushed every time) I was beginning to wonder if there was anybody at all, or he was just pulling my leg. I had to force it out of him. I gave my 'poutiest' look, and begged him to let the cat out of the bag.

Finally, he moved closer, brushing my arm and whispered, "'s me... I am so enchanted with you."

Gleaming from ear to ear, I looked into his eyes and said nervously, "I feel the same way."

What was I supposed to do now? I had no idea. What was he going to do now that he had confessed it, and knew that I felt the same way? Nervous as Hell, but I was elated. I can't quite remember how it came about, but I somehow managed to use "music" as an excuse to lure him over to my apartment.

He knew I loved to hear him sing for me, and I had my keyboard at home so I said, "I'd love for you to come over and practice some songs with me sometime. I could play and we can do a duet or something." He smiled coyly as if it was an obvious ploy to get time together... He may not yet have even entertained the thought that he would actually go that far. I wonder about that in retrospect. Maybe he was just going to tell me he admired me and go on, living a clean life with his family (That's right I said family. I'm not proud of that by any means, and I was never a home wrecker. It just happened).

However, he took the bait and asked when I wanted to get together and play music. I told him anytime he would like to, and if I remember correctly we tentatively planned to do this the very next night.

My stomach was controlled by sheer nervousness all night and all day the next day. You can imagine how meticulously I prepared myself and how good I wanted to look for him. It was the longest shift ever. Overcome with electricity every time he would come near me, I asked "Are we still on for practice tonight?"

He replied with a smile, "Oh yes. We're still on."

My roommate happened to be out of town, as she had a job interview in Michigan. So she was to be gone for a few days. I had the place to myself.

We got off work that night, around 11:00 p.m. as usual, and he agreed to follow me in his car to my apartment (which was only about 2 minutes away from our job). We get out of the car, go in and sit down. Just for ambiance and the fact that I love scented candles, I light a couple of them and we sit on the couch. We're making small talk, and I finally say "Well, my keyboard is in my bedroom, wanna get started?"

He says, "Sure, alright."

So we go down the short hallway to my bedroom. I'm still thinking somewhat innocently and very serious about playing songs and singing with Z, so I turn on the keyboard and ask him if he has any requests. I was completely oblivious to what might have been going through his mind at the mere idea that he was no longer at work with me but rather in my bedroom. Does that strike guys funny? You tell me.

So we begin to play a song or two, and we're trying to get on the same page to sing them together, figuring out the girl parts. The first one I decided to play was "Tonight I Celebrate My Love" by Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson. He was such a talented singer, his voice sent waves of heat over me. I looked up and he was looking at me, there was an awkward pause. He said, "Let's go into the Living room for a bit." I agreed, so we went back into the living room, and he sat on the love seat, and I sat on the other end... not extremely close.

He's looking at me with those piercing hazel eyes as I attempt to make conversation about trivial subjects. Anything I can think of to break the nervous feeling I had and the chemical warfare that was going on between us. He carried on the conversation with me, but then came the mother of all gigantic awkward silences. We couldn't say another word, we could only sit there staring at each other... Such an intense gaze his eyes seemed to be devouring me.

All of a sudden he broke the silence, "I... I feel like... Uh... I want... I want to kiss you."

I look back at him, maintaining constant eye contact as he stammered the words out. I'm not sure if it was bravery or blatant stupidity that caused me to have no fear. The nervousness had passed, now there were only thoughts of what I wanted and it was him. I looked deeply into his eyes and said "...So? Kiss me then."

Time slowed down just like in the movies as we inched closer to one another, and closer until finally our lips met and became instant soul mates. It was the most electric "first kiss" I had ever had. We stopped, I moved slightly backwards and we met eyes as if to question "Is it o.k.? Is this really happening?" In an instant, he moved forward and grabbed me, kissing me harder this time, swaying me backwards... I met him head-on.

"Let's go in your room." he whispered heatedly.


He grabs my hand and I follow him back to my room, and with the keyboard now far, far from our minds, we are now sitting on the end of my bed. He picks up right where he left off, devouring my lips and without any hesitation lays me back on my bed. We are now in full "make-out mode", and I've gone completely weak like putty in his hands. Nobody ever warned me that I could feel that way, and it hit me like a Mack truck. Waves of pure ecstasy, the real kind that two people create when A + B = X to the third power! (That's right, you really do find a use for algebra in real life-lol!).

I didn't want it to end, at that moment I was feeling reckless and had no thoughts in my mind about wanting him to stop. Briefly I wondered how long he could stay so I interrupted the kiss and asked without thinking, "Are you in a hurry?"

I worded it totally wrong, so he suddenly thinks that I think he's moving way too fast, and he just stops. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

"What??" I ask.

"You must think I'm crazy, this is all too fast. Oh my god."

(What? Why would he think--Oh man! How stupid could I be?? Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut??)

"Nooo!! I didn't mean that at all! I just wanted to know how long you could stay with me! I swear! Don't stop." I declare.

But the spell had been broken, and he had come back to reality feeling bad about his overtures, and convinced I thought he was moving too fast-despite my explaining that I merely wanted to know how long I could have him for.

"I am so sorry" he continued to apologize.

"Please stop apologizing! I should have just kept MY mouth shut!" I proclaim. "I truly wanted as much as you did for this to happen."

At this point, he wouldn't even sit back down with me. He was standing in the hallway now. "I really better get going, it's getting late." he said.

"Oh... are you sure you have to go right now?" I ask with a demure, hopeful glance.

"Yeah, I probably should."

I walk with him into the living room, and we embrace. He takes my face in his hands, and leans down kissing me once more. We share a warm, full-bodied hug before he walks out the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Z says as he walks through the yard to his car, which is parked alongside the curve in front of my apartment.

I wave and smile, watch him drive away. Then I locked the door once he was out of sight. This was going to be one hell of a sleepless night.

(The story continues! Click below to continue)
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part IV
Read Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Five (Conclusion)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Small Dog, Big Tears

Ok, I'm just sad now... Being the animal lover I am-this got to me. You can thank my husband, "Mr. J" for sending it to me in an e-mail with the subject line "Start The Waterworks". He's such a butt lol... but he knows how sensitive I am about certain things, and he knows how much of a bitch I can be about others... guess that's good.

Anyways, take a moment to pause and cry with me over this tiny little hero (RIP):

Tiny terrier saved kids from pit bulls

Come on back to me everyone! I'm lonely and feeling "clingy" today! :)

This Week's Events

Just making a quick note of a couple of things...

First off, Meggy Moon has changed her Toon!! :) She has moved her Meggy Moon's Crazy talk Radio Show to THURSDAYS (same time, 6:00 p.m. Central)... hopefully you guys can make one of her shows and give her a call in...

Second, Memphis in May is kicking off and the first weekend (this weekend) is the Music Festival. This yearly festival begins setting up when May starts and of course this clutters up traffic for the entire month. Still, there are some good events and I hope to make it to some of them. This year they are honoring the country of Spain.

I'll post updates as I have them available...

Meggy Moon Show, New Day

(Click pic for more information!)

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Me Protests He Doth Think Too Much!

I can count on my hand the number of times that I have won something in my life and it never ceases to shock me when I do... I just don't expect it, so it takes me by surprise (usually a good surprise). So yesterday, Rockdog bestowed upon me the honorable 'Thinking Blogger Award', as I proudly display there in my sidebar (just below vote and subscribe). Apparently, I flex his thought muscles... however, despite my titillating (although subtle at times) stories of debauchery and seduction, I merely manage to remind him of burnt biscuits. Gee thanks Rock! (I even threatened to tell the story of the time I gave a stripper on ecstasy a back massage... [to no avail] go figure) ;) So, If you'd like to read Rockdog's Thinking Blogger awards comments, click here.

Usually, when these awards are given, one must choose 5 other bloggers to pass the honor along to... I am struggling with this and if I am to participate in the 'tagging', I will need more time to make my decision... After all, every single one of you guys included in "Aunt Jackie's Picks" spur many wonderful thoughts and creative inspiration... so it's near impossible for me to choose just 5... I'll try.

So that Tuesday is not totally about my inability to inspire any naughtiness or temptation, I'll try give you at least some fun (as if buttering my biscuits yesterday wasn't enough?). I couldn't resist sharing this 'Word Verification' that I got just today... I'm sure there are a million ideas this could spur, so let me know what you think... What is: