Deep In The Forrest

There Are Days I Don't Feel Strong, When I've Given My Love To The Last Drop, and My Hand of Friendship I've Extended So Far It Is Sprained And Sore, and I Feel So Empty. I Give of Myself, Not Expecting Return, But Sometimes Even I Deserve A Refill. :-( Thanks, my blog friends who send me little notes trying to do just that... You are loved back. I'm sorry that I am not so strong, as some days are harder than others. Some of those days I feel like writing it out, here, and some I just don't dare. I wrote a poem today... It goes a little something like this: I cut open my heart and allow you to look upon the very beat of it; Raw, fresh and blood-laden my pain belongs to me, and me alone-- For the beat of my heart, it has no Home... and loneliness is a dark and dreary shack where I rest my head, for now. As my weary eyes watch in wonder while another bright sunrise fades into a stormy night, I scramble for a flicker trying to hold on to the light. If by chance, I...

Jewel was on Howard Stern's Show (on Sirius ) this week and she sang the following song, The Needle And The Damage Done (Neil Young). It was pretty haunting, sad and I've had it stuck in my head ever since. So I take a moment to think about all of the people who have loved, and lost anybody they loved to a horrible addiction or disease. No matter when, why or how, it hurts just the same, and leaves a hole in our hearts forever. Even though we know that they're safe, loved and still living on in our hearts and right by our side, watching and hearing every word, and every tear, we miss them terribly. Here's to needed hope for the ones not yet too far gone. Sending out healing, love and strength to everyone... Love, Aunt Jackie

There are certain special things in life, people too that fade away as beautifully as the bright light they shone upon their arrival. In a way, blogging has become somewhat of a dying art. It had it's "prime" like we all do... a bright, but short rise to, then fall from glory wherein many people did it because it was the latest cyber-fad, everyone else was doing it, or they loved it at first but for whatever reason, they lost their enthusiasm and decided to leave. We've lost many of our fellow bloggers here and there, when things in their life took more of their time and they weren't able to blog, or when they simply had other interests and just had no desire to do it anymore. Through blogging, we have met some wonderful, funny and inspirational people. One of those people, Tink of Pickled Beef , has decided to be the next one to fade away. This leaves me with a heavy heart... I have enjoyed so much her Weekly Words Challenge, and being a part of her comment comm...

My heart has felt very heavy lately. I've felt overwhelmed by a lot of things. While I advise others to let stress roll off their backs and say: "Don't worry over things you have no control over" it seems so hard for me to take my own medicine. Why?? I know it does no good to stew over anything... I'm trying hard not to. Just lately it's been financial crap, seemingly one issue after the other. I can't help but get a little tightened up over it because I have to pay the bills and we have to be able to get to and from work and groceries etc... I know that I am fortunate though so far that we are making it... albeit paycheck-to-paycheck, but still afloat. Many people have things worse than that lately, so I truly hope that things get better for everybody... not just me. People need to wake up and realize that we need to all help one another and when given an opportunity to make some sort of a difference we should take it. If everyone did one thing a day to ...

Oooh I'm battling it this week, bouts of sadness and really really missing my Dad. (It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to). Going home is so hard these days, but I am still struggling and trying to get down when I can, and trying to balance that (caretaking of mom) with trying to maintain a non-insanity-increasing life. Notice I didn't say 'non-insanity causing', there's no denying the certain amount of damage that's already been done in my life thus far. As usual, various moods bring certain songs into my mind, and today, this one is it... Bet you know it, like it and probably just haven't heard it in a while. Here, give it a listen! The Vogues - Five O'Clock World For those who enjoy a more country sound, check out This Version by Hal Ketchum . Reminds me of Daddy, and that's why I like it I guess. At any rate, I'm barely waking up in the morning, dragging myself out of bed and trying to have some resemblance of a life, but it's so...

“You can't go home again.” Thomas Wolfe Monday finds me rather emotional and feeling a bit strange after a nice visit with both my parents yesterday afternoon. I have had every intention of writing a story over the weekend, but it just didn't come... Mom, Dad and I ate dinner, and sat around chatting about so many things. Of course, my Dad has been in an increasingly odd state where he will get hooked on a subject and he can't seem to let it go. If he wants something done, he'll repeat it 20 times until you have done what it is he wants. Lately, he's obsessing over this country song that I sang for him at the family reunion and it's all he can talk about (makes Mom play the demo that I recorded long ago in Nashville over and over). Then he'll ask me repeatedly if I remember a certain event (from the past) that happened before I was born and I'll have to tell him no once again. Mom will jump in and remind him "Dad, Jackie wasn't even born yet....

Christmas 1983 - Where were you? What were you doing at that moment? I think I've been more emotional this Christmas than I have ever been so far. I don't know for the life of me, what's gotten into me... really. Found some old snappys while working on my photo-slideshow project. Even though they're just little snapshots of the Christmas trees and some of the presents, the nostalgia still makes me sad... You can just see the surroundings... like the linoleum on the floor, or my Lite-Bright in the background of one, and just the sad little tree... same one Mom would always put up every year... the spirit and the tradition that we put into our holidays as I grew up make it very hard to carry on with new traditions, or special moments... Seems as though my heart is much too full of the love and memories from all the Christmases past, and have left no room for the new... what am I to do...?