Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving Memory

I've been unable to get to sleep tonight, although I felt very tired when I went to lay down and attempt to go to sleep. You see, I've been doing my Thanksgiving cooking, so maybe it's just all the memories preventing me from actually getting some shuteye.

Me, Giving Y'all The Bird
Right now, as I write this, it is 3:45 AM (Thanksgiving Morning). Those childhood feelings and memories of my parents have been woven into each dash of seasoning, every stir of the spoon or whipping of the batter.

As I chopped, saute'd and pureed, all I could see in my mind's eye were visions of my Dad and Mom working together in the kitchen, days before and all the way up to Thanksgiving morning getting everything ready for our big dinner together. 

Holidays were always exciting to me growing up because it was the only time that all of my siblings would pile in at the same time (mostly) and all the kids and we had a true houseful. I would wake up early to the succulent smells of Mom's pies cooking and the dressing browning gorgeously in the oven. The house was just ablaze with love and warmth.

I remember it thrilling me so much to go in the den and find Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on TV, and I would dream about NYC, then other great holiday-time programs would always be on. Still, I couldn't rest because I was so amped up waiting for everyone to come home and be together.

Just feels so funny, even though it has been several years since my dad passed, and now three years since my Mom left us... like I should still be waking up to that magical time, that wonderful, safe feeling that, to be quite honest, is really indescribable.

I can post about it but, can't do it justice.

So anyway, after procrastinating early in the week, I finally got through the grocery shopping and being in a crowded store with human beings, and got all my ingredients together. I was set. Took everything home, and I put everything away and of course needed a little break. So I made myself a steak and a baked potato, and I sat down and ate honestly my first meal of the day (I should not have gone to the grocery store hungry, but I didn't do too bad... can't do much damage since I am on limited funds at the moment, times being tough as they are right now).

After a little R&R, I jumped up and began preparing my poultry selections and getting ready to put together my traditional Southern Cornbread Dressing (as close to what my Mom and Dad made as I can). Then I prepared my pasta for my Rotel Chicken Spaghetti, and cleaning as I went, I was pretty proud of myself.

Still, I ached for my Mother and Father... how I wish I could be in my childhood kitchen with them, having coffee and laughs, and putting together a true dinner and still waiting for my family all to arrive so we could be together again, like it was back then, in my eyes, perfect.

As we grow up, we realize nothing is really perfect, and I'm sure this was only my own perception of if all... but what matters is it was perfect to me. I've taken many things for granted in my life, and I have lost many things that I took for granted. We learn lessons all-too-often the hard way. Not that I would change (much of) anything. I'm no fool, I know if we change anything we'd be changing everything. But I wouldn't be human if I didn't think from time-to-time what I wouldn't give to go home.

If you're reading this, I wish you a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving; not what the holiday is based on, in history actually, but what Thanksgiving means to me, which is being grateful for every day, and everything that we have not lost. Remembering not to take the small moments and the little gestures and gifts in our lives for granted either... because it's those tiny little fleeting moments that stitch together and form our big ol' 'Quilt' of a life, patches of joy, love, pleasure, pain, abundance, loss, grief and magic.

Who we are is nothing more than where we've been and who we love and have loved us, those who walk with us for a little while, and those who are with us for the entire journey... and that, though it may not seem like it at times, is real magic.

Be blessed, and don't forget about the magic.

Just Me,

Happy Thanksgiving Mom & Dad, I Miss You Forever <3 p="">