Tuesday, November 29, 2011

To Build A Fire

It has been continually dreary since I put together my little "rain" playlist before the Thanksgiving holiday. Well with the exception of a couple of spots of sun shining through, it's been overcast, cloudy and cold. We actually had a bit of rain/snow mix last night and this morning. I'm also battling a cold I suppose, and since I had taken a couple of extra vacation days I guess it worked itself out. I hope I get over it quickly though, being sick sucks.

Thanksgiving came and went, and I'm trying to think towards the Christmas holidays, but fact is, last year I had a lot more perky feelings of hope, but we're hanging in there... me that is, and all of my "personalities" ha-ha.

So having recently cleaned the wood-burning heater, and gotten it primed for winter, last night we built a nice fire. I've been trying to keep one going today as well, since the temperatures haven't risen very high. I just can't believe that the year has zipped by us so fast...

Where does the time go?

Meanwhile, all we can do is stay warm and dry... have a little hot cocoa, and maybe a nice Fire (in whatever form you like most).

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Melon Collie and the Hopefully Temporary Sadness

It is the day before Thanksgiving, and the feelings of holiday dread are beginning to creep in. I tried to remain perked up and find things to keep me on a positive note, but I must admit that I'm feeling just plain Melancholy right about now. I guess it's a kind of emptiness, or loneliness that comes with the season for me.

Sometimes, although you will rarely hear me admit this, I envy friends, family and colleagues who have their normal homes and their normal families (with children) to go home to, they get a "security" that I don't get. Guess sometimes I would rewind if I could and make different choices. In fact, if I could go back some years knowing what I know now, I would definitely do some switching up and changing lanes...

We know that we're in this exact 'time and place' and situation for a reason, though, but that doesn't make the medicine any easier to swallow.

I do hope to get another chance at real happiness and fulfillment, I realize we choose these directions and we get navigate our paths, so next time I am given the golden egg, I'm going to crack it. These "missed boats" sink my very heart and flood my soul.

One of these days, I truly hope all my wishes come true. =)

Until then my love I will be here, patiently... Waiting...

Yes I Am Waiting...

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Rainy Days

The last couple of days here in Memphis have been rainy, so the streets are aglitter with the shimmery oil drippings of the commuters' vehicles, and chemicals of many colors, all so beautiful in their toxicity.

"How", we think "can pollution look so lovely?"

Rain, oh relaxing lullaby drizzling down, how you do remind me of my childhood. How safe we felt in the protection of our home and family... the lucky ones of us, I say as I'm sure that the rain may at this very moment reminding someone less fortunate than myself of other, darker childhood memories.

The memory floods back into my mind of a cool, misty morning... the rain was pouring down as my Mother made our way safely to the elementary school. There was something that comforted me, knowing that our classrooms would be dim as we watched the windows, painted with the blur of the colors outside soaked in raindrops.

The thunder and sounds of the storm gave me such a cozy feeling, as I eyed my Snoopy lunchbox, thermos filled with tea, knowing that my peanut butter and jelly sandwich waited patiently for me. Yes, I knew even then how to appreciate the blessings of the occasional wet wonderland.

Let our minds rewind as we enjoy a rainy childhood memory courtesy of "Pooh".

So the following verse was never really heartfelt for me:

"Rain, Rain go away... 
Come again another day." 

I was always happy on rainy days.

(Repeat of my post today from I Miss My Childhood Blog)

Monday, November 21, 2011

I Still Don't Like Mondays

Any Day In Memphis...
The commute in this morning was treacherous at best, as the Memphis drivers panicked in lieu of the torrential downpour that we awoke to. There are two directions I can basically choose to navigate on the Interstate in Memphis. I can hit I-55 heading North to the back side of I-240, or just stay straight going East on I-240. This morning, I-55 North was gridlocked, so I remained heading east with the rain making for a touch and go drive, the idiot in front of me riding the bumper of the guy in front of him, and constantly hitting his brakes. Basically, to save my sanity I resolved myself to going under the speed limit and letting the morning morons pass and get out of my sight. The other route had been full of accidents, and given the mass hysteria, there was not much opportunity for me to have a slice of the road to myself. So I crept along at a hearty pace of 5-10 mph until we reached an area that loosened up a little. Despite some extremely admirable efforts of the Memphis Chapter of some modernized Gauntlet team, I arrived safely to my destination in one piece.

The day is a gloomy one, which is not something I generally deem as negative. I rather enjoy a nice rainy day. Preferably I don't have to drive in these storms much, as I once had a scary incident in which I hydroplaned off the Interstate during a bad rainstorm on the way to work back in the day when I was employed at one of the casinos.

There is just something so refreshing and relaxing about a cool, rainy day...
Rain! whose soft architectural hands have power to cut stones, and chisel to shapes of grandeur the very mountains.  ~Henry Ward Beecher

However, with regard to Mondays... I can still find PLENTY to bitch about. Let's see... even with this being a short week due to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday (a time to be thankful is an even BETTER time to bitch about the little things that bring us down hehe).

1. Monday sucks enough on its own compounded by rain and already brain-dead Memphis drivers.

2. Monday is the blade that chops your weekend away (for those of us who slave ourselves to a time-clock at any rate, and I already know some of you don't, so nye.)

3. The Monday people who are also morning people get in your face.

4. The already loud and annoying conference calls that people make first thing in the morning seem even louder and longer, so I can't have my essential quiet time.

5. I don't need other reasons, I just feel like bitching about Monday... 'Nuff said.

Since the week is cut in half, I guess it's not so bad... BUT STILLLLL >>>>

Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday Early Thanks

Smell Ye The Roses!
Here at work today, we are having our office Thanksgiving dinner spread. I opted to bring Dolmas (greek "grape leaves"), which are usually a hit.

As I made myself responsible for the Grape Leaves, this prompted me to create an entire greek spread for last night's dinner.

So I put together Gyros, Dolmas, Tabouleh, Hummus, and this little Olives/Feta cheese mixture which is kind of a side you can eat along with this... included some Goat Cheese crumbles. At any rate, it's something I like a lot that I haven't had in a while.  I'm just proud of myself for coming through on a bit of cooking. Usually, my motivation fails me.

The coming year is one of a lot of work for me in the realm of personal growth and getting where I need to go spiritually and physically here too. Seriously, a lot of work, decision-making and moving forward hopefully to a life filled with much-deserved happiness for once. I can only try hard and cross my fingers and keep plugging away.

Changes are never easy, and I sure wish they were easier. I know they're necessary... We can't flounder around in quick-sand forever, or we'll get pulled under.

I remain positive though, that's a good thing. The challenge is smelling the roses without getting stung on the nose again... and again... and again. =)

Thursday, November 17, 2011


I was just reviewing the blog, and I have determined that if I want to get back into the swing of it, I may well benefit from a "facelift" on the blog, so I will redesign. I think I want to go back to something very simple and easier on the eyes... Stay tuned, I'll see what I can do.

**Update** Ok, so I went ahead and went with another template, which was pretty simple and seemed to change the format a little bit, I think I like it for now... I think that the blue is nice, and that the white background with the black text is refreshing and much easier to read.

This may be just the spark to get me rolling again on my writing and posting... So we'll see.

Thanks to everyone who hovers around and anticipates a post from me. I'm going to try to get back to good ones. Well, it will be a mixture of good ones, and as we all know, some days are just small notes to mention how things are going... But becoming more regular, yes--I can. =)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Fall Back

We had the time change last weekend, and that always throws things off a bit. Although the fall is better because in essence, we actually get an hour back into our hot little hands. But what it does to the daylight I don't quite enjoy. It's already bright and shiny early in the morning, then by the time I get off work, the sun is nearly set or as it progresses, the sun is down completely. Yep, I'm just bitching about what I don't like about it... feel free to rag me (I know some of you who have nothing better to do will).

So I have said time and time again that I was gonna get back on track and blog more often... Have you guys totally given up on me? I haven't. I may get beat up, stomped down, and shaken up but I never give up. I know that eventually (maybe even this very moment) I will get back in the swing of daily writing.a

BBC suggested I pick a day that I do like and blog that day... well, I don't really have a favorite day. I can really kinda bitch about every day of the week... case in point:

Sunday: It's boring, nothing good comes on TV, I always end up doing laundry that day because I procrastinated the other 6 days of the week when I was dreading or irritated by them, and then I have to go to bed and dread waking up to start another shitty Monday.

Monday: It always sucks unless it's a holiday, in which case it basically just taints Tuesday, making it the Monday that I would have dreaded on Sunday. Sure I would have enjoyed that particular Sunday a little better except I was probably thinking about how Monday was gonna pass too quickly and there we'd be on Tuesday. =)

Tuesday: Not too bad, but still 3 days away from the weekend, making it just barely tolerable. Not much on TV that night either.

Wednesday: Usually band practice night when we are on our game, and also currently the night that "American Horror Story" comes on (FX Channel). So all-in-all, not the worst day of the week, but... y'know-why waste unnecessary energy. Heck I've got 2 more work days left.

Thursday: This is just an evil, taunting tease of a day. You can see Friday clearly on the Horizon, but you're already stressing about what you have to get done before the weekend is through, and also the multitude of things and people that are already getting on your nerves. The day glops by with the speed of Molasses (not to be confused with Mole Asses).

Friday: A brief flicker of joy marking the end of a long week, and then the beginning of the joyous weekend, a.k.a. "Lightening Round" because it zips by that fast. :)

Saturday: Nobody wants to wake up early on a Saturday, but unless you do, this day is shot quickly. Saturday you must pack everything you really want to do in! Unless you did your laundry earlier in the week, then you need to wash clothes, clean up, then get around to seeing everyone that you have neglected calling, visiting etc throughout the week. This can be a stressful day, making me wish I was back at work sometimes instead of the weekend because at least when I am at work, I have a good excuse as to why I can't go here, or do this or make time for _______. (Fill in the blank).

So there you go, a negativity filled week of dread, procrastination and forgetting about how blessed I am and living in the moment... haha. Anyways, I'm just making up shit that sounds cynical... although I do briefly experience thoughts such as this above, like I guess anyone does.

Anyway, this is just a block of ramblings... it's taken me three days to get it finished and it still didn't amount to anything interesting to read... haha.

So let's wait and see if I can manage one more post in the next week or so and find my groove again. After all, Groove is in the heart.