No fancy plans, stories or gimmicks really for this post. Just grief for the passing of yet another year gone by. I just thought I would take a moment to reflect and send out my best wishes to all of you, those I know, those I don't know--Anyone who might actually be reading this, which I doubt is anybody at all, but may miraculously be one or two people. If you're reading this, thank you. I try to find reasons to keep blogging and writing, and I know it is silly to want feedback, or some sort of confirmation from others, but just knowing someone reads and appreciates our words, thoughts and feelings (selfishly) does mean a lot to me. I miss having readership, I always enjoyed getting the comments back, but things have changed a lot with blogging. Nobody really does it anymore I guess... or not many. Those who do, it's usually related to a specific project they're working on (as a marketing tool), or it is one of those blogs where you already have a huge following, and you report on products, or nightlife and culture of your city. So I'm kinda on my own here, I know it, and that's just how it is.
Still, though it probably serves more as a journal type tool for me, I'll continue to write as if I am reaching someone.
As I said above, time has really just flown by. It depresses me greatly, and though I try to stay upbeat (given all of the issues I've been through, health, life and otherwise), I still struggle daily because it is just really hard sometimes to keep pressing on with optimism. Each day that I wake up, I am grateful, and I have to just sit up from my bed, put my feet on the floor and force myself to get up and get going. I try to take it one day at a time (moment to moment really) and do the most I can each day. That is all any of us can do.
Yet the passage of time, how fast things are speeding really still gets to me. I wish I didn't feel this way. I really don't want to be one of those people who can't stop obsessing over the past, the 'good ole days', wanting terribly to find the time machine and go back to before the world went wrong, and always aching with that feeling of wanting to go 'Home' (after all, as Thomas Wolfe immortalized best, 'You Can't Go Home Again').
But I am and will probably always be, one of those people.
Happy New Year Everybody.
“Child, child, have patience and belief, for life is many days, and each present hour will pass away. Son, son, you have been mad and drunken, furious and wild, filled with hatred and despair, and all the dark confusions of the soul - but so have we. You found the earth too great for your one life, you found your brain and sinew smaller than the hunger and desire that fed on them - but it has been this way with all men. You have stumbled on in darkness, you have been pulled in opposite directions, you have faltered, you have missed the way, but, child, this is the chronicle of the earth. And now, because you have known madness and despair, and because you will grow desperate again before you come to evening, we who have stormed the ramparts of the furious earth and been hurled back, we who have been maddened by the unknowable and bitter mystery of love, we who have hungered after fame and savored all of life, the tumult, pain, and frenzy, and now sit quietly by our windows watching all that henceforth never more shall touch us - we call upon you to take heart, for we can swear to you that these things pass.”
― Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again
Why Time Feels Like It's Flying By and How to Slow It Down