Friday, March 30, 2007

Need Security!! Please, We're insecure!

I was reminded by Rockdog, who was reminded by Jay, who was reminded by Carmen (not sure how long this list goes on-lol) of titillating stories of Security-guard screw-ups and sometimes breaches in security around manufacturing companies, and plant-type environments. How secure can these places be?? I mean, you have a guard shack, and an open gate... lots of times the buildings are in bad parts of town or in the 'industrial' section, which is a bit morose looking in itself. But the guard shacks gave us this evidently 'false sense of security'. They're mostly unarmed, unless they can throw their security badge like some type of karate stars, or maybe knock the criminal down in a puff of cigarette smoke. Otherwise, they're pretty much sitting ducks, am I wrong?

Well I once worked in a similar type of environment, but it was the Printing Industry. I was on 1st shift, but I have been through my share of 2nd and 3rd as well. Our building was older, a bit run down, and located in the 'ugly' part of town. We all parked our cars in the cozy sort of medium-sized parking lot that was available to us at no charge (unless you lost the initial parking sticker that you were issued)... and guarded by that ever-so trusted guard shack... the one that sat by the open entrance of our lot, just begging for excitement.

Well one fine evening on 2nd shift, excitement paid a visit. Seems that there was some domestic issue (possibly a love triangle if I can remember correctly), and the husband of the woman involved came up to the plant that evening, with a gun, and went in ready to shoot (seems at least someone was armed). Of course this really threw the Printing Company on high-alert, so the very next day we were all called in to a meeting with our boss, who was from Boston (is that short for Boss Town?? hmmm).

His meeting went something like this: "Ay've cahhled all of yous heahh to discuss tha incident that heppen'd yestaday. Now, Ayh knoow yus all hoyyd about it, and it's unda controwwl. Howevah, stahhting this week, please be aweaaah that we'ah gonna have some Aahhhmed Gaahhhds at the front gate to stiffen up tha security around heahhh."

As you can imagine, we all felt 100% more secure after the meeting, and I went on to enjoy a very long career of impersonating my boss from Boston.

Soul Soothing Thunderstorms

Forces of nature can be so cool and calm at times, with a tender breeze, birds chirping and the sun shining, and all is calm then it can turn fierce just as quickly. For me, however-there's nothing quite like a good Thunderstorm. I love them... can't think of a better way to spend a grey, stormy day than curled up in front of a good movie, balled up in your favorite comforter with a cup of cocoa.

Maybe you're lying there so relaxed during the movie, that you tune out and just listen to the rolling waves of thunder, occasionally cracking the sky, and relax even further as the intensity of the raindrops waxes and wanes, singing you to a peaceful warm sleep.

Euphoria for me, whether alone or sharing the fluffy comforter with someone you love ;)

Ahhh, how I love a beautiful Thunderstorm...

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Stuck In A Rut With A Buzzcut

Lately I'm still feeling a sort of "tightness" or anxiety towards the future. Not the regular way that you sweat about the future and wonder what's in store for you, and thinking about the bright future one might have. It's a much more 'morbid' fixation. Constantly, in the back of my mind I am anxious and worried about how much time I have left with my parents. I can't imagine what this world will be like when either one of them is gone. Although I know that I will still have people in my life on whom I can depend, the non trusting part of me is afraid that these two people (the only two people in the whole world that have yet to let me down) are the only two that I can truly rely on... I'm trying to deal with those thoughts, but sometimes it's easier said than done.

I realize it is really terrible to worry about how much time is left, and it does take away from the enjoyment that we have right now "this very moment" as I have posted about before. But partly, my Mom has had something to do with it as well. She's been fixated on trying to 'tie up loose ends', and making sure that everything is settled legally because I think that she fears that if these things are not settled that our family (when the time eventually comes) will go into some sort of Full-on war about it all. It has just been little things I guess that got to her for some reason, and she's let it get her down a bit I think. Gotten into such a 'darkened' state, which is unlike my normal Mom with her ever-sunny disposition. She said just the other day, 'It's just that time of life.' Great... more to look forward to in this life.

However, things took a silly turn today when I talked to her on the phone regarding weekend plans. She told me that my Dad got a buzz cut and that he looked like a Skinhead!! She said that they went to eat at Huddlehouse on the way home, and remarked that 'he didn't even have anything to put on his head.' Then something happened. She began to laugh... and laugh... and laugh some more. I'm sure Dad was making faces in the background like he always does, but it was his predicament of having no hair, and her telling him that he would have to keep his face smoothly-shaven to go along with his new 'Skinhead look'. I'm not sure why it all struck her so funny, but all I know is it was so wonderful to hear her laugh like that. The kind of laugh that brings tears to your eyes, and you can't stop. She had me laughing over the phone, and then I had tears in my own eyes.

You can be that I'm going to get some pictures of Dad with his head shaved... That's for certain!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Always A Wednesday

{From comedian Dane Cook: -"Back in the day, which is always a Wednesday..."} --yeah I know, you think Dane sucks, right?
--moving along--

What I'm Up To:

  • Trying desperately to finish up taxes, which have stressed me out, and I'm lost on.

  • Busy with a many projects at work.

  • Trying to come up with a nice little storyline for a short story I'm about to write.

  • Working on artwork for my band's CD and website (which I'm having trouble getting the time to finalize too.

  • Other general household crap.

What's coming up:
  • Tonight (Wed), Meggy Moon's Crazy Talk Radio Show (Go and listen if you haven't so far, and be sure to call in! She'd appreciate it.

  • Thursday... Thursday's coming up tomorrow, and I don't have anything to say about it.

  • The Weekend, yeah that's coming up too... as well as the rest of our lives (indeterminate amount of time, I'll get back to you on that one).

    Finally, if are still somehow, in any way bored after reading everything I just posted, then I give you:
  • A Wiki Page With Alot of Cool Facts About Wednesdays If Ya Wanna...

    That's all folks!... Oh yeah, before I forget to disgust you...

Monday, March 26, 2007

Learning to Lean

I have trust issues. I'm admitting it... So much at times that I wonder who I can truly rely on. Maybe I get this from my Mother, who lately seems to be putting us all through constant passive-aggressive type guilt trips over not being able to 'rely on us', but that she doesn't want us doing anything for her and refuses to burden us with any of her troubles or needs. It's becoming so frustrating to me that it makes me want to scream. I understand that everyone gets tired of bearing the burden, and feel like they have to go it completely alone, I feel the same way sometimes... But I find outlets, either I write it out whether in personal journal form, or the blog, which has become quite a therapeutic tool for me. Those that read the blog can choose to read or not read it, comment or not, and sometimes when I voice what I am going through it can help someone else who might be going through similar changes to get through theirs, and 'go another mile' (so-to-speak). That's the beauty of that, but I digress.

Trust issues aside, I know that there are some things that are best kept to yourself, but I feel like being able to trust and lean on your Sisters, Daughters, Brothers, Sons, Best Friends/Loved ones (whoever that may be) is something that we should be able to do. I know that it's not the case for everyone, but it should be... If you cannot lean on your family, and trust your family to be there for you with open arms, then who can you trust? (Besides yourself--and sometimes your 'self' is not enough).

Just as my inspiration post below states, Life is too short, so if you're harboring any sort of bad blood or resentments... anything that you know inside that you're going to regret then you need to address those issues people... and you need to resolve that bad blood, and 'sand down' those chips on your shoulders... every moment spent in anger, misunderstanding or unforgiving is yet another moment that you're not going to get back ever again!

I touch on this subject today because many of my family members keep things inside way too much. They won't let you know when something is wrong, they won't tell you when they need you to be there for them, or do something for them. They just sit back and internalize it, go into deep depressions and let life run over them like a truck... and then just make themselves literally, physically sick over it... It's not healthy, and it's not right. I don't know what to do about it. There is really nothing I can do except for worry about them, and be sad that they won't do anything positive for themselves, and simply remain in total denial.

Nothing is worth making yourself sick, and jeopardizing your health over... The rest of us (that's right the rest of your family that you're forgetting are still here, and care) can't live without you, and to yourself and us--it's not fair at all...

Lastly, I realize that life is ever-changing, and that the only thing that is always certain is in fact "change" itself... I'm learning to live with that, slowly. Time's passing by like lightening and it is scary. We're all on this ship together though, so we may as well learn to lean on one another... It might be the only way to make it through.

Today's Message of the Day

This came to me from Cappuccino Kidd (a.k.a. "Cappy", "Sime") and it made my Monday start off better than anything else could have this morning. Sometimes you have to remember 'not to sweat the small stuff', and as the old saying continues, 'It's all small stuff'. So if you're having a rough start to your Monday, remember that it's only temporary and hang in there... maybe the following will help you remember to smile like it did me.

Today's Message of the Day

Life is short, Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never
regret anything
that made you smile!

Original email said to 'send to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2007, even me.... If you get 3 back, you are a great friend'... but I thought I would just share it with everyone at once!

Have a great week... XOXOX

Click to enlarge->

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Sunday Knock-Out

A few days ago I rented "Rocky Balboa" the most-likely (and hopefully) last of the Rocky movie series. It wasn't too bad, I rather enjoyed it. But it prompted me to go backward, and I happened to 'fatefully' run across Rocky I and II at the grocery store for 9 bucks a piece, so I called it a sign and bought them.

So, all I've done today was continue to regain mental and emotional strength while I kicked back earlier and caught up on the old Rocky movies, then did dishes, a couple of loads of laundry and here I am.

Coming up this week?? Well, we don't quite know from day to day now do we? But-I'll remind you all if you haven't already, on Wednesday afternoon at 6:00 p.m. to go and check out my friend Meg's radio show on Blog Talk Radio, entitled Meggy Moon's Crazy Talk (details here).

Other than that, i've had some pretty busy days at work and will try to post something of interest when I can... Glad so see some of you back that haven't been by in a while... You're always appreciated by your Aunt Jackie ;)

Have a perfect week!

Saturday, March 24, 2007


Well almost out of light for the day, and not much to really post-Thought i'd let everyone catch up on the last couple or so, or anything you might have missed lately which is probably not that much, but hey well... y'know.

Put together a new playlist, and I hope it doesn't get on anyone's nerves... If it does, you can slide down and scroll through and find a song that you do like on my playlist or you can hit pause so it will stop playing altogether... Was pretty fun to put together. Maybe you'll enjoy some of my songs, and you can have a glimpse into the ecclectic musical tastebuds of the whacky Aunt Jackie.

Wish I had something cooler to talk about, but i'm still trying to work myself into a better state of mind. I guess sometimes you just need a good mental rest... Have a great 'rest of the weekend' everyone.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday "Crap"

I know it's Friday, I wish I could post something but I feel like a complete Turd today... one covered in flies that's been out in the middle of a lone pasture and forgotten... Plain and simple. I hate to sound graphic about it, but I just feel like total crap... It's not that I'm sick, it's just my mood--I feel totally disgusting and fat, I feel like renaming myself "Shamu". To top it off, I wore a hideous brown suit because I had nothing else to wear this morning, and that only intensified the "Turd Syndrome" that I already had going on...

I won't elaborate any further--Some of you will understand this feeling, others will think I'm nuts for feeling this way, but either way, don't step too close to me because you'll get it all over your shoes.

When I was looking for a picture to illustrate my "Turdism", I found the strangest thing called the Turd Twister. I'm amazed, horrified and yet somehow jealous that someone made this invention and is probably sitting home comfortable in their millions right now, while I'm out feeling like a Turd, trying to make a living. Go figure... the world is just a shitty-good place to live I guess... Hope your Friday doesn't stink.... A.J.

Here's the Turd Twister (click pic or link to visit page-let nothing to go waste in the name of Art I guess).

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Strange Dreams and Alternate Universes

The other night I had a strange and unsettling dream, which is not uncommon really, but this one was remarkable to me in the sense that it made sense.

The dream (as much as I can remember it):

Richie and I were not married yet, but we had clearly been in a long-term relationship. There was this other guy, a guy who's face I have never seen before in reality, but in the dream, I knew him evidently well enough to be marrying him. So, I was engaged to this guy, and we were trying to plan wedding details, but every thought in my head was making me completely nauseous about it--I didn't have any feelings except for disgust for the guy, I was wondering why I was even doing it--and how I got involved with him and all that.

It was really weird... I had a terrible feeling that I was on the complete wrong path and that I needed to turn back and fast. In the dream, I missed Richie terribly and really wanted to talk to him. I remembered our times together, and all I wanted to do was to make things right, and get back with him and move forward.

However, it wasn't as easy as that. I called him up and he answered the phone "Hello?" Oh I was glad to hear his voice.

"Hey Richie, it's Jackie." I said happily.

With a very dull and apathetic tone, he said "Yeah."

"Can I see you? I mean, can we get together and just talk?"

There was a hesitant pause, then he replied "...Um, well... Ok I guess--I don't know what for though."

Then there was a feeling of sadness and doom, as though he had made his mind up that whatever I had done, or for whatever reason that I was supposed to be marrying this 'weirdo', that it was over and hopeless-That he would talk to me, but not really... There was nothing I could say to turn the situation around. I knew then that I had made a grave mistake and that all I wanted to do was be back with him, because in my heart (all this in the dream remember) In fact, I knew wholeheartedly that he was my soul mate, and because I had screwed that up, a huge hole was left in my soul... all I could feel was hopelessness after that because I did NOT want to marry this other guy in the dream.

I woke up not really having resolved it--you know how you wake up in the middle of something, but just glad that you wake up and realize it was just a dream.

Maybe that is telling me deep down to never let anything happen to what I have in my life-Richie, our life together. He's like my best friend, and my love and sometimes I still think about it while I'm brushing my teeth, or getting ready for work... 'Wow, I don't feel a day over 19 and I feel like I'm just having a slumber party most of the time.' I mean, responsibilities beckon, and we deal with those-and yeah that sucks, but for the most part we enjoy doing whatever it is we are doing whether it be playing music together (he's a guitarist and I play keyboards/vocals), or playing video games together, or watching our favorite t.v. shows on Tivo. We even still go down to my Mom's together and spend the night and rent movies and Richie always make sure to pick out a movie that he knows my Dad will love-We make a big pallet in the living room floor just like teenagers and snack, and watch our movies and fall asleep there on the floor-It's something I know I'll cherish forever.

However, i'm still affected sometimes when I think about the different roads that I have taken in my life, when i'm faced with any thoughts or knowledge of 'What could have been.'

I may not have mentioned it but I've always had an interest in dreams, dreaming, astral projection, quantum physics, and all kinds of things my family would deem out of the ordinary and 'crazy talk'... I'm just unlike anyone in my family in alot of ways, but of course very alike in some.

On thinking of this lately, I was faced with knowledge of results of a path that I nearly did take when I was 19 years old. His name was Lee, he was a Marine with big puppy dog brown eyes and blonde hair (an odd combination some might say). However we'd met on one of my many trips with friends to The Mall of Memphis (in depth Mall post I did Oct 06).

Things got serious rather quickly, and we were in Love (capital L-type-Love). We hadn't dated long when he declared that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, I would go wherever he was stationed and he would even pay to help send me to Art School, which was my plan at the time. [Shiree was dating his boot-camp buddy James back then, and we were on our way, taking them back to the Bass. Lee and I were riding in the back seat, and he proposed while this particular song was playing, and that song forever stayed locked in memory as sort of 'Our Song' I guess. Funny how that happens]. Fate is a headstrong monster, though... We lasted all of 2 months maybe--When his supposedly ex-girlfriend came forward and ruined everything with the news that she was pregnant. We broke up, but nearly got back together like maybe a couple of times, I cried to my mother and it took me a long time to get over this, as I thought it was true love. I thought my life was over, and I thought that I would never, ever find anybody else because he was 'the one', but he got away. Maybe all that was just a dream... can one be sure?

Still, through the years following I heard word of where he was and how he was doing because his Mother sent me holiday cards and occasional letters--She liked me although we'd never met and told me once that she and her husband had actually been in favor of me rather than 'her'. There were alot of details within the whole scenario, which would take too long and too much space to place here. The fact was though, that he ended up with three children and alot of headaches with his 'high school sweetheart', and alot of times their relationship was strained and i'm sure it has been a tough road at times... a tough road that I almost took myself.

Recently, I heard that they separated and were finally getting a divorce... A few years ago I might have been thrilled to learn this and might actually think 'What if we could get back together'. He was my first love, so hey it would be only natural for that to occur to me. So they're finally getting a divorce--it took this long for them to battle it out, and now it's finally happening... The oldest of the kids is almost 15 years old... That blows me away! I could have a 15 year old daughter... that is, if it had been me instead of her... I might have traveled anywhere in the world, being the wife of a Marine. But it didn't happen. It wasn't me... but it might be me in some strange, alternate universe... The Married "Mom" Jackie with three Kids and soccer practice, and recitals and parental dealings, and watching my kids' in marching band and all sorts of things that are at present, alien to me, married sans kids "Aunt" Jackie.

Like I said, Fate is something I can't quite explain... Destiny. Who we are meant to be and what we are meant to do, it all falls into place even though we don't understand it at times... even though, it might even hurt and disappoint you, until finally it unfolds, page by page, day by day.

In reality, I went on to lead a lifestyle that I probably shouldn't for longer than I should, and would not actually get married until my "twenties" were over. I don't regret much, but I do have things I wish I could do over, and even things I wish I hadn't done at all... But not many. For the most part I am happy that 'it wasn't me', because if I could go back and "fix" anything, I might mess up the one thing that keeps me from going insane... and that's Richie's love, humor and understanding... his friendship, his soul, his music. His heartlessness to those who deserve it, and his love to those small few that have earned it are priceless.

Where would I be if I had taken any road differently??? Will I end up regretting any of those choices? Will I be sorry that I didn't have any children? That I remained "Aunt" Jackie instead of "Mom"? I might never know.

Maybe only our dreams can give us glimpses into these alternate universes... maybe just a small glimpse of 'what might have been'. I believe that each of us knows deep-down in our subconscious what's truly right, and exactly what must be done. We need only to listen to those dreams, and take magical nightly journeys to find our answers.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Deep Thoughts by Aunt Jackie

To start off our Wednesday, here are my favorite three 'quotes of the day'... enjoy.

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
- Mark Twain
"Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car."
- Evan Davis
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level."
- Quentin Crisp

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Tune In Blog Radio Fans!

Everyone please listen in this coming Wednesday, March 21st at 6:00 p.m. CST to:

"Meggy Moon's Crazy Talk" on

This is part of the "Mean People Still Suck" Series, wherein this week she will be talking about Anti-War Protesters, as most--not all--don't have a clue and are darn right mean... so mark your calendars, do yourself a favor and tune in to the latest "Meggy Moon's Crazy Talk"... It's not so crazy is it???

Join the madness this Wednesday and every Wednesday at 6:00 p.m. CST (Central Standard Time).

Happy Birthday Jessica!

Jessica is my best friend Tamra's daughter... I can't say "little girl" because she's growing up all-too-fast, and is no longer a 'little girl', plus she'd get mad at me for saying it since she's 14 now... I've been Trick-or-Treating with her, trips to the mall with her when she was still in a child-seat, rocking out to her Mom's metal music and watching MTV and Southpark all the while! She's a really cool cat, and she knows it... so I just wanted to wish her the Happiest Birthday ever!!

So Jessica, and anybody else who has a March 20th Birthday, hope it is a terrific day--you share it with these other superstars (some of which have passed on--r.i.p Mr. Rogers)!!

Happy Birthday to Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington (1976), Franz Ferdinand singer Alexander Kapranos (1972), supermodel Kathy Ireland (1963), "Harry Potter" actor David Thewlis (1963), "Thirteen" star Holly Hunter (1958), actress Theresa Russell (1957), film director Spike Lee (1957), Emerson, Lake & Palmer drummer Carl Palmer (1950), "Dune" star William Hurt (1950), Canadian hockey legend Bobby Orr (1948), "Guitar Man" Jerry Reed (1937), "Barney Miller" star Hal Linden (1931), children's television host Fred Rogers (1928; d. 2003), director Carl Reiner (1922), actor/bandleader Ozzie Nelson (1906; d. 1975), and Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen (1828; d. 1906).

Now, in other news, I thought I would list these three (3) strange things I saw on the way in this morning... just happened to notice them and thought I would make note:

  1. A woman in the parking lot of a daycare center being held at gunpoint by the police

  2. A man riding a bicycle while chatting on the cellphone

  3. A woman walking in a 'jogging-style motion' very slowly near the river with an extreme smile on her face and weird sunglasses
Everywhere you look, there's something to see. So what did you see today??

Monday, March 19, 2007

On The Road Home

“You can't go home again.” Thomas Wolfe

Monday finds me rather emotional and feeling a bit strange after a nice visit with both my parents yesterday afternoon. I have had every intention of writing a story over the weekend, but it just didn't come... Mom, Dad and I ate dinner, and sat around chatting about so many things. Of course, my Dad has been in an increasingly odd state where he will get hooked on a subject and he can't seem to let it go. If he wants something done, he'll repeat it 20 times until you have done what it is he wants. Lately, he's obsessing over this country song that I sang for him at the family reunion and it's all he can talk about (makes Mom play the demo that I recorded long ago in Nashville over and over). Then he'll ask me repeatedly if I remember a certain event (from the past) that happened before I was born and I'll have to tell him no once again. Mom will jump in and remind him "Dad, Jackie wasn't even born yet." Then he'll draw a puzzled look, and sort of shake his head. He's still doing well mentally (mostly), but I watch him and he seems to get around worse every day.

Dad has had adult-onset Diabetes, which he found out kind of later in life, I think maybe he was around 50 when he was diagnosed as borderline, and it went on from there. Consequently, the related health problems that have plagued him would have seemingly killed an ordinary man. Somehow, he has survived and stayed with me this long though. It's great that he's survived several strokes (resulting in a good deal of neurological damage), a Quad-bypass heart surgery, blood poisoning due to kidney issues, eye surgeries, and he still goes on smoking and living by his rules... it's down-right amazing I guess. Still, the reality of the degenerative condition for me is hard to watch. I am seeing a man who could at one time pick up a truck by himself, and who once punched out a horse just for kicking him-now barely able to stand without hanging on to something, and finally just months ago gave in and began to use a walker... He is a man of great pride--that same pride has not surrendered easily.

Everything has its agenda in this life, and I (try so hard to) believe that it is part of the big picture, so I am forced to roll with the flow... and take everything "One Day at a Time" (Mom's voice echoes through my head as she has repeated that very phrase at least a million times if she's said it once).

I don't normally like to over-use popular quotations, but I think Thomas Wolfe said it best when he said "You can't go home again." My how that rings true in such a painful sense. Would it be wonderful to go home again?? Some would say yes, others no--but believe me, I have tried and I seem to continuously do this over and over again... to no avail.

I feel like a complete child inside my soul, and I think it is a permanent scar. To say that my childhood was happy is an understatement, so it's completely natural that I would feel so attached and attempt to hang on to it with every fiber of my being, because frankly Adulthood sucks far worse (at times, not all the time) than they ever told you it would. Remembering back, I think of the times when my parents and sometimes teachers would try to tell me that my life had just begun ("You have your entire life ahead of you!") and that you had so much to look forward to... I try to look forward to things, but I spent so much time worrying about my family and loved ones sometimes, when I know that it is futile to do so... we can't control what will happen any more than we can control the weather, or another human being's thoughts or actions.

I know that in reality yesterday has passed, so time spent beating ourselves up over our past or obsessing over it and trying to go back is only time wasted--then the future is uncertain for sure, we don't even know if we'll be here tomorrow so we can only plan hopefully towards it. All we really have is today, right now, this very moment. It determines our future, of course and it will eventually be that past that we so pine for so we better make it a good one... we really need to live more in the moment everyone.

More than that, just talking to my Mom yesterday about her life and about how many times she narrowly escaped death herself, I was hit with an eerie yet magical realization of just what a miracle it is that I am here and alive on this earth right now as we speak... there had to be a reason... a big reason for why my Mom and I made it. That goes for each and every one of you (we're all such miracles and you don't even think about it do you?). Your life has more meaning than you know... don't take it or anyone for granted.

Yes, Mom nearly met death so many times. She told me that she nearly died of pneumonia twice as a young girl, and once when she drank some stagnant water from a nearby stream. Many hard times struck, as they will [only the strong survive]. She'd carried a stillborn child for nearly 3 months as a quack doctor couldn't discover anything amiss, but she said she knew something had to be wrong... so she was almost taken out by the resulting toxemia that time. She went on to have other miscarriages. All these things before I was even born, so I was a gamble from the start.

Then finally I came along, against so many odds not the least of which being conception itself. Then, being born to two such beautiful souls, and being given such a great start in my life and being cared for so much (how can I say I'm not Lucky?). I often have felt guilty about my childhood when I have had so many friends and loved ones who's childhoods were something they would pay to forget altogether... but it is where we come from, it determines who we are, and that is the person that we are destined to be. Can we really hate any of that, lest we hate ourselves? And although I sometimes think I hate myself, I really don't... I just have trouble keeping myself in line and keeping focused on today, this very moment the one that is going to be tomorrow's past, and will inevitably sculpt, like tender time-sensitive clay, today's tomorrow.

So what if we 'can't go home again'? Those of you who don't want to wouldn't care, but good or bad it is part of you. I spent so much of my youth planning and plotting to escape it because I wanted to grow up and break free, and live my own life only to try so desperately to get it all back again.

Maybe we shouldn't try to go back home, but rather bring home back to us, as in securing a permanent place in our hearts where we can put it for safe keeping. I don't want to lose it, and I know that kept within my heart it's safe and I can visit anytime I like. At times it comes gushing forth through my paintbrush or my pen or the keys of my piano and within my song and with that, I can keep it with me always... That's true freedom.

If I don't see tomorrow, then you can say "There She Lies, I knew her." And my tombstone, according to the silly little quiz that Blu posted over at BluBloodUnlimited determined to be my obituary, as it is stated. ['What will your obituary say?' at]. Thanks Blu for the extra-added humor!! And at least Chuck Norris will miss me!! haha.

Dog and Cat Food Recall!

Please read This Press Release (pdf), which you can download and print--It is information regarding a precautionary Cat and Dog food recall that happened to various brands of these products which were harming pets, including health problems such as kidney failure and death, so it is no joke.

Also, you can Check Out This Page for More Information.

I had to put this in as fast as I could, as I hope nobody has been affected by any harmful products for their animals... Even if you don't have pets yourselves, please make your friends and neighbors who do have animals aware of this so that they can prevent any possible pet tragedies. I know that not all of you are animal lovers, but that most of you are so find it in your heart to at least pass it along. Here is one news article about it.


Pet food recall hits home for Cape Girardeau cat owner

Thanks everyone!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Worship Me, Sacrafice Your Life

Trying to get started today, so I took this little quiz over at Chelly's However Blog, about the 'movie of your life'... Turns out that mine would be:!

Guess I better get out here and try to live up to that before they pull the plug on the project--I'd hate to lose Quentin Tarantino as a director!!! I'm cooking up a Sunday Story, so check back. I will not dissappoint and it will be my gift to you, which promises to top off the weekend and help us all make it through... you believe in me, right??? hehe...

Take this quiz at

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Luck Be With Ya!

Been a quiet and boring Saturday for me, so far... We had a cook-out last night though with a few friends/family over so I guess that was good enuff! Mr. J cooked up some great chicken, burgers and Brats, and consumed some beers as well... tasty times.

I'm sure alot of you are out and about having a big weekend of partying for St. Patty's... Here's to ya, have a drink for me and here's hoping you find your Pot O Gold, and don't run into any Leprechauns like this one... if you do find the gold, however, share the wealth and send your checks payable to Aunt Jackie... :) Have fun and watch out for yourselves!!!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Psych Yourself Up

Hey, it's a brand spankin' new weekend, just around the bend! A delightful end to a very busy week for me, but it's all o.k... Tonight we're just planning to chill, cook on the grill, and have a thrill (or two). So join me in a quick little burst of joy, wherever you are, stop what you're doing and just scream at the top of your lungs... maybe the reaction you get (depending on where you are) will be a funny one, or you might get some strange looks, or even in trouble for disturbing the peace--Hopefully not... So celebrate Friday everyone!! Let's go crazy!!

Sorry I haven't gotten around to the story yet-maybe I can do that for you over the weekend... I've been inspired by Rockdog to possibly write a little short story of some type... maybe grace you all with my amazing talents... Who knows... But for now, let's just see how crazy you really are. I want everyone to take a look at the following Ink Blot, and tell me what you see! :) Have an insanely happy weekend! x

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Friendly Environmental Reminder

Happy Thursday everybody! I'll be back probably this afternoon with something maybe fun, maybe one of my stories if I can work it up, who knows. Maybe a surprise so keep that in mind and come back and check.

Meanwhile, I would just like to extend a friendly reminder to be Earth-friendly, do what you can to help the environment and try if you can find it in your heart not to litter... Why?? Because I said so, and also just because you should always try to:

Remember that, o.k.?? :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Letter To Myself

I'm not feeling very talkative today, just more reflective, more thoughtful. Just been busy, and haven't really had any time to gather thoughts, or do much extra. Been more involved in some things with work as of late, and I guess in just a "regrouping" mode.

I'm not in a bad mood or anything, just still a little tired--I hate to blame it on the time change again. It's probably more on the fact that I can't seem to keep it together and get kick my workout schedule in to overdrive like I would like... I wish I could just do like "The Sims 2" game where the character can just jump on a treadmill, you could hit the fast-speed button and then turn skinny in like 5 minutes... But Real Life is not so kind.

For today, take a 'Cock-Rock' flashback with me (those of you who don't like Rock bear with me), and enjoy one of my favorite songs by Pariah called "Letter To Myself"... Happy Tuesday.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Smoking Commercials

I was going to write today about Eddie Van Halen and his rehab, and how terrible he looks, but I couldn't find the words. The last photo I dug up of him, he looked more like "Eddie" from the Iron Maiden Covers and less like Eddie Van Halen. It is a horrible sight to see... He shows the unmistakable look of Crystal Meth abusers... But I'm not going to blog about it all really since I really don't know what to say about it... like I said, I just can't find the words... but how sad. I mean I know he's like 52 but he really looks scary! David Lee Roth doesn't look much better either... Aaauughhh! It's all so disturbing really.

But, since I decided not to mention Eddie, I was looking through some YouTube stuff. I ran across the following video. It's funny to see how they used to have commercials for cigarettes... even funnier to me that The Flintstones were part of the act--Although I am not a smoker, and do not advocate it for you, I still had to giggle at this old black and white Flintstones t.v. spot.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sunday Dinner

Seem to be much more skillful cooking Indian Cuisine. I went Friday at lunchtime and got a first-hand lesson with one of our team lead's Mother. She showed me how to make whole wheat chapati bread (which is another flat bread), and a very good curry-type okra dish. She is a delicious cook, and I tried to take some notes in the small amount of time I got to see her at work.

So this weekend, I took on my very own Indian Cuisine meal. It consisted of the curried okra dish that I learned, a very good vegetable long-grain wild rice (I was testing this) in the style of what they commonly refer to as "lemon rice", my newly-learned Chapatis, a bit of Raita (yogurt/onion dipping sauce) and a spicy curry chicken dish that I put together with a curry paste recipe that Barnze set me up with, Cheers to you Barnze! It worked out very well (as you can see)!

That's right! Hand-prepared by Aunt Jackie herself!!
So we settled in for a nice meal, and afterwards, I guess I might have some Chai and a hot bubble bath... it's time to unwind and mentally prepare for a new week... and hope for a productive, positive one.

I've missed you all weekend everyone, seems like there was nobody around and I'm sure everybody was busy, and out enjoying the impending spring weather... Hopefully the hour we lost from Daylight Savings Time, for those who are affected, have adjusted o.k... Have a great week!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Let's Plan Our Escape!

Friday is here, and I am glad for that. I'm not going to think about how fast the weekend might pass, or what I might not get done this weekend, but rather think positively about the limitless possibilities that the hours ahead of me might hold. I'll still try to think of some great things I'd like to do before the weekend is through, and save my negative rants for Monday (where they belong).

Fridays are for dreaming, and reminiscing, and fantasizing of things that make your spirit soar... so let's plan our [mental] escape, and start packing now. Take a hot air balloon ride over the fantasy place of your choice, or hope on a riverboat and see where it takes you. Today is all about you (me, you know--US!) So let's just milk it for all it's worth and enjoy!

The weather is fine, and even though we're expecting rain tomorrow it would be a great day to take a long walk down by the river. Or if I had my way, and had the time and the ability to I think I would probably find a nice calm place in the middle of a beautiful field, with the horses and birds and flowers and set-up a canvas and paint until sunset...

Paint yourselves a masterpiece of a weekend!


Critiqued I Am!

Originally, I saw this link over at, so I thought I would give it a try.

Got My Blog Critiqued at Critique My Blog!

Check it out!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Losing My Religion

Or losing patience more so. Those that know me well, know that I am not a morning person in the least. Also, during those tender loving morning hours you will find me in a bit of a rush too because I am a procrastinator, running late, hitting the snooze button one too many times.

This morning, I was doing pretty good though as Richie and I are once again tackling the Couch to 5K running plan. So I'd already had my morning walk/run and had some good healthy oatmeal in my belly.

Plenty of time to spare, not plenty but more than usual so I stop off at the gas station for a quick fill-up. I'm nearly finished pumping the petrol, close the gas cap, and I'm veering towards my door to get in and head on towards my work day. Just then I am obstructed by none other than an early-bird Jehovah's Witness. These Jehovah's Witnesses used to come to our house it seemed a lot when I was a child. That was pretty brave of them as we had an extensively long driveway. They must've really been dedicated. I recall once when offered their literature, my Mother chased them back out the door offering them back some of her very own "literature". Then my Weenie Dog tried to jump in their van and ride away with them, which I didn't like at all.

Well anyway, as I was approached by this particularly pleasant JH--She came forward and said, "Excuse Me Ma'am?"

I do not like being approached at Gas stations much because normally, it's some scam artist trying to beg for money, or wash your windshield, or you might be concerned that they're going to rob you or something of that nature. So my mind immediately analyzes the situation and scans her for any signs of threat... Crime is an equal-opportunity gig these days, so I don't rule anyone out!

She continues, "I have some literature that I'd like to share with you if you're interested, it's called The Watchtower and..."

I interject "Oh, no thank you ma'am I am a member of the church just down the road." I lied...

"Oh, alright then, thank you." She said.

Truthfully, I'm a member of a Church down the road from my mother in which I haven't attended in probably 15 years... like many of you have commented, I don't really do organized religion. Not that I'm not a spiritual person, but I'm just not into that sort of thing like my Mother would have intended. She would call that "Straying away from the Church"... she went on and allowed me to find myself, but always hoped and prayed that I would find my way back and do what was right. I just don't believe that you have to all gather in one building and perform any certain rituals together to be a good person. I think as long as you feel good about your life, and you live life with no regrets and you make yourself an example of all that you think is good and fair, living by example I guess you could say, then you're doing the best you can.

It's the hypocrites that I could do without. Churches and Organized Religions have become just another weapon for groups of people to gather together and look down their noses at the others that don't join them in their beliefs. Just another "Social" elitist club. Who's to say which one is right? Who's going to Heaven or Hell, or exactly where either of those places might be? You won't really know that for sure until your time comes. If you're snubbing your nose at me for who I am, or telling me what's wrong with my life you're not right yourself... and most people like that have far more screwed up lives than you can imagine.

Also, Jehovah's Witnesses are not the only religious movement that runs around, even door-to-door trying to bend an ear, or force their beliefs on others. We were once visited by the Mormons, which Richie didn't turn away because he loves to learn so much anyway, and likes learning about everyone else's cultures and religions, so he thought it might be interesting. Well, his interesting little tidbit turned into a 4 hour session with these guys who had planned to come back and share more of their "Story" on Saturday. I ended up having to enlist the help of my friend Tamra to make up some excuse to get these guys to leave us alone finally. Guess we could've handled that better, but that's another story though-lol.

Hadn't meant for this weeks topics to weigh in so heavily on religions, but basically what I have posted about religions I meant for you to glean some humor from these scenarios. It's all really funny to me, especially when you see things like the statue I posted yesterday, and the behavior of most of our religious figures... So laugh along with me as I continue losing my religion! :)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

My Visual DNA

Thanks to Rock and Blu--Well, I can't be the only one not doing it now can I?? (And yes if you jumped off a bridge, i'd come running-not to be left out) I'm kidding! I thought it was cool though...

Giving Til' It Hurts

I'm just full of laughs this week, but I live in Memphis and there is just so much to laugh about sometimes... as you've probably heard must be "A Memphis Thang".

As I have talked about before, I was raised in church. Good ol' Southern Baptist churches, where the preachers sweat, we had 'all-day-sangin-and-dinners-on-the-ground', the hairdo's were high, the choir could use some vocal lessons, but 'it's o.k., they're making a joyful noise unto the Lord' (as my Mother always told me). Sometimes, though, I thought God might like to tell them to sit down and leave it to someone who could carry a tune... but that's just me. He's all-forgiving, right? So he has to sit and take the punishment from his creations (like a good parent should). That's alright!

Southern religion is a funny thing (maybe it's alot of religions). You dress up on Sunday, receive the spirit and praise the Lord, you're asked to "give", give as much as you can... "Give until It Hurts". Then the next week, you're out and about to see none other than your very own preacher driving in his brand new Cadallac, or scandal strikes when the news hits that he and his current girlfriend (who may be none other than the church's very own treasurer, or the Deacon's wife) are caught together in a love fest.

"I was merely witnessing to her about Jesus... maybe? No?? Ok, well she was going through some trials and tribulation and she needed a holy ear to bend... Not buying it?? Ummmm"

Yeah-Ok, all is forgiven as we forgive others who trespass against us... right? You preach those commandments those that cometh every week and who read their Bible daily, and pray for those in need and the sick, and the wretched, and then you go right out there and give quite a few of those commandments a severe beating yourself!

We're all sinners, I'm not denying that one bit... but I guess we expect something higher from those of you who are up there in that almighty pulpit trying to tell the rest of us how we should live our lives. But I'm not here to tell you how to live yours either, so sin away!

So besides the brand new Cadillac's and Lincolns and Luxurious Lexus rides that our donations to the collection plate are going, what else are you using those funds for?? Wait, don't answer that.

A ride through Memphis will let you know that your hard earned cash is being put to good solid use... This luxurious monument to Christ, a copy of the Statue of Liberty holding up the holy cross. Yes, believe it because I would not lie to you. I took the photo myself. Why waste the money helping the needy, or homeless, or wayward children when you can put up this fine tribute... this beacon of light to show sinners the way. Is it a waste? What do you think? Is the congregation happy about the end result of their funding? Or did it truly hurt?

At least it didn't go towards a trip to the Bahamas for the preacher and his new girlfriend. ;)

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Just One Last Rant

Forgive me for this last 'bitching' that I am about to give ya... I found something else I noticed today while I was out and about running errands.

To all pedestrians and drivers (especially Memphis pedestrians and Memphis Drivers):

I am not one of those drivers that 'tries to look like I'm going to run over you in the street', or even that would (unless I was given good reason). Also, I surely understand the hustle and bustle of life and everyone's busy and has much to do-and maybe that the laws of "Jaywalking" have loosened up a bit.

But PLEASE people, do not go walking across a busy intersection in the middle of the day (in the middle of a city like Memphis nonetheless) when the light is green and people are trying to get somewhere. You're risking your own life just trying to look tough. If you are GOING to do this no matter what I beg of you, then please don't start off running across the street in this way, only to make eye contact with me as if to "dare" me to hit you, and then slow down to a walking pace... You're just asking for trouble. I might not take you up on the offer, but I assure you you're going to piss off the wrong person eventually.

Can we PLEASE start to give back a little common courtesy to each other in the stores, in the parking lots, on the streets?? We act like we're out to get each other, trying to Kill one another in order to be the first person to get somewhere (where are you going exactly? You do know that we're not all trying to get there before you, right?). You're not going to be the first person to get 'anywhere' no matter how many times you cut me off or jump in front of me, so why not just drive like a human being? And if you do so happen to be the first person to arrive at this proverbial 'somewhere', then you're probably going to get there just in time to get stalled by the 10 car pile up some driver far more reckless than you (if that's possible) just caused. So you may as well just turn up the radio, relax and save a few lives today.

Now, I know I said one last rant-but give me a break, you didn't believe that did you??? I got another one while I'm thinking of it.

I had to stop at the Grocery store on my lunch break, and there was this little boy driving all over the store with one of those 'cute' little miniature carts that said "Shopper in Training". This is some sort of sadistic joke, right?? I am a good mind to write the company and complain about this little invention. All these irresponsible parents need is something else to distract their child while they can shop in peace, so the kid won't be begging for candy and treats, but believe me the rest of your shoppers are getting pissed off. This child made every isle of the store, speeding down through the already crowded isles with his little 'cart', trying to run over people and "honking his horn" trying to get us to move out of HIS way... I didn't budge. The kid nearly ran into an 80-something year old man in his attempt to cut-a-curb... This type of behavior is unacceptable. Parents need to be responsible and keep their children by their side at all times, for the safety of everyone around... also discipline has never hurt anyone--and I assure you, your little brat has not had enough of it. Neither his mother or father were anywhere to be found, as he zoomed around the store like a race-car driver.

So, To All the Parents:

Would you PLEASE wrangle up your little heathen children and not let them run wild all over the store like some zoo animal?? For their safety as well as the other shoppers (grocery stores, retail, anywhere). First, and most important I guess is that there are some crazy people out there. Someone could kidnap your child and it happens more and more every day! Grocery stores are not necessarily a safe haven. The psychos are out everywhere... better safe than sorry... I'm sorry that 'little Johnny' is a pain to take shopping, we feel your agony... But you had him, he's your responsibility so act like a parent... Keep him by your side, make him behave or shop online... Believe me, we all think your little monster is a shithead and we want to smack him, so you better do it before we get the chance.

More and more everyday, I see that stupid people are continuing to breed... God help us all!

Jukebox Tuesday

Everyone, my sister Vickie made me all emotional and misty today. That's not a hard thing to do by any means, but she deliberately tried to make me cry!! I'm kidding... well sort of. She sent me the neatest page. It's a Jukebox player of all the popular music from 1950 through 1984. It's really cool... Just because. Now it doesn't have hardcore, or much punk or whatever, but it's still a walk down memory lane, and as I'm eclectic anyway, most all music moves me so thanks alot VICKIE for getting me all Verklempt (Talk amonsgt y'selves! I'll give you a topic: Duran Duran was neither a Duran, nor a Duran... DISCUSS!!) **clears throat, wipes tear from eye**

Ok, so all you do is click on the link above (or below) and select a year, turn up the speakers and jam, or break dance, or do the robot or the twist, whatever happens your bag man... Enjoy (courtesy of my sadistic sister).

Once again it is the Playa Cofi Jukebox... enjoy!

(and i'll be back later with more Tuesday fun).

Monday, March 05, 2007

My Roots Are Showing

What on Earth can I say that hasn't been said about Monday? Not much at all!

I have noticed a lot of people talking about having their Cabin Fever, and spells of restlessness or general blahs over the weekend. I think it has to do with the Moon, it had us all loco. That's alright, we all go through our changes and our phases, just as the universe, earth and everything in it. Don't feel bad about it... let's just all pat each other, or even pat ourselves on the back for being human, take a deep breath and shovel through the madness.

Hard to feel strong sometimes, when you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, along with a few other things that pile up on top of it sometimes, but we all have an inner spirit and strength and we can dig down deep and find it. Doesn't matter what it is that you and I are going through right now, like a big kidney stone, it will eventually pass and you will look in your rear view mirror and realize that it looks mighty small from up the road.

So, take heart with me while we hold our heads high, smile and go another mile! Everything is going to be just fine.

And if you're wondering to yourself the question I know is on all of your minds, well my answer is "I Get It From My Mama!" :)

Go out and find your beautiful day everyone!!!


Your Aunt Jackie

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Just Like Me

Another weekend has passed and I have been simply drained of energy. I don't know why, just unable to wake up and feel very alive today mostly. Hope the feeling passes soon. Sorry If I have missed making it around to your blog in the last couple days, i'll try to catch up soon and come by and say hello.

Last night was a good one, I had a great time listening to Cappy's radio show, he played a few songs throughout his broadcast that I requested and had some really good ones... Then we went on to see the Homemade Jamz Blues Band play at the Ground Zero Blues Club, and they were really great to see in person. Those kids are so talented! Our drummer, Rob and his girlfriend Meg went with us and had a blast.

Then today it was back to lazy and drained of energy as I overslept and then got zero accomplished! As usual, I have to hope for the best and a new start with a new week ahead. Probably be the same story all over again, but we have to have 'hope' right? Fine, i'll try.

Anyway, know who I miss?? "L7" a really cool girl band that Tamra and I used to listen to all the time... Lots of fun times riding in the car listening to them. Have a good one, hopefully i'll be around with a better outlook this week.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

All Apologies

I'm feeling like a caged animal today, feeling like I need to escape from all of the ties that bind, and all of the restrictions of life. I want to move freely but I can't... The house is filthy, I'm trying to get that cleaned up some and can't seem to find a place to begin. We're going to see those kids play tonight at the Ground Zero blues club as I talked about last week. Rob and Meg are supposed to be meeting us at my house around 6:30 and I'm just feeling like I can't get a move on.

I can't get Richie to go running, or help clean the house or anything. He doesn't want to move a muscle, and I'm trying to pop us out of this 'lazy hell spell' that he's helped us fall back into with gaming... All he wants to do is play World of Warcraft, and I just want to get out and get moving and get back on the right track... I wanna get back in a heavy lifting/strength training routine and get back to our daily walking/running and just feel great again. I'm sick of the winter for maybe just those reasons--hoping that spring will bring back Richie's energy and restlessness so that we can get a move on.

Feeling like a stagnant, trapped beast with nowhere to run. Back before I ever decided to go and get married (like I always meant not to), I was never in one place for long enough to stagnate like this... Don't get me wrong, I love Richie and Love being married to him, but why do things have to change and why does it seem like life gets so mundane and boring sometimes??? Maybe i'm just having a severe case of Cabin Fever! What am I gonna do??? I feel like running out the front door and just running across the U.S.A. like Forest Gump (*shakes fist*) I could just freakin SCREAM!!! HELLLP!!!!

How's that for a Satyrday rant... that's right I said Satyrday--what'cha gonna do about it???

In songform, here's how I feel today:

What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
I'm married, buried

I really wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
I'm married, buried
Married, buried
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

All in all is all we are...

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thursday for Knowledge

I spend most of my time "telling" things about myself, telling stories, ranting about current events or issues that I might encounter on a daily basis.

Maybe today would be a good time to "ask" you guys something and get your input... well I guess it still involves a little bit of "telling", since i'll give you my opinion on it as well.

Today found me contemplating music, and although there are unlimited topics and resources to discuss about music, I found myself thinking about the most depressing songs that I could remember hearing. Then of course there are songs that are so uplifting they make you wanna change your life, or at least take you sailing through the day with a good feeling.

Then there are the ones that are so annoying that you cannot even abide listening to them for a minute (in which case I flip channels or put in a CD).

So here goes... and list as many as you feel like.

What is the most Depressing song you've ever heard?

What's the most Uplifting or "feel good" song for you?

What's the most annoying song you've ever heard?

What's the best comical tune?

Best "Get Busy" sexy love song?

All around favorite song?

My answers are-
Depressing: "Time in A Bottle" by Jim Croce and "Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin

Uplifting/feel good: "She Sells Sanctuary" the Cult

Annoying: "Fergalicious" (lately that is) by Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas

Comical: Anything by Weird Al Yankovic

'Get Busy': "These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding or the whole "R. Kelly" album.

I might think of more...