Saturday, December 08, 2018

Scratching and Surviving

Well hey there you one or two people who actually read me... How YOU doin?

Things are bumping along okay, I've been working a new job that I started on November 5th. So I was only unemployed just about a month this time. This gig is way more down my alley, it's web and coding and I am really feeling pretty good about it, and I hope it continues as long as possible.

So I just wanted to "pop my head in the door" and say hi... I want to get back to more regular writing, and that's what I'll try to do through the holidays.

Meanwhile, join me in a bittersweet memory.

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Just me, Jax

Happy December Everybody!
(That means you two readers)

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Both Sides Now

I missed posting for my Dad's birthday, August 29th.. and some others. The weeks are just blurring together. I'm once again looking for work, and my self esteem is at an all time low. I feel like crud (emotionally).

Have been in a weird phase lately, trying to stay afloat, trying to find some sort of motivation, some sort of inspiration, but it never comes.

I'm struggling, and it is not letting up just yet, even though I feel like I've been waiting for that "light at the end of the tunnel" for nearly a decade now. That's one ridiculously long tunnel.

All I want is to feel secure again, and to have a reliable job to go to, a long-term "permanent" job doing what I love, which is web development-related, creative. Is that so much to ask? I'm so sick of getting the rejection letters from companies.

All I need is a foot in the door to prove that I can be great.

This downward spiral has to have an expiration date.

I swear I have done my time x 10... Isn't there anybody else (like some evil souls) in the universe (rapists, child molesters, murderers) that can take over this misery for a while? This is ridiculous, I deserve some joy in this life, and for once for everything not to be snatched away from me.


Sunday, August 26, 2018

Jealous

Just on a music kick tonight, and I had forgotten about this song, which speaks so much.

"Jealous" by Labrinth

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I-I-It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

*sobs silently*