Deep In The Forrest

In getting back to my 'muse research' for posts, I ran across today's "Fun Holiday". September 27th is "Crush a Can Day"! This is kind of cool, and who doesn't love the exhilarating feeling of crushing a can between your fingers, or even stepping on them to 'smush' them as I enjoyed doing growing up. What an environmentally friendly way to have a little fun. Then you can take all of your crushed cans to the recycling center to give them a new life! See further below for tips on how to celebrate this little-known holiday. This next song is called "Arach-NO-phobia!!" Crushing cans reminded me of course about "Crushes". I tell so many stories involving crushes I've had on others growing up, and throughout life, guys I stalked and whose lives I made a living hell. But, have I ever shared any where someone had a crush on me? If memory serves me correctly, I'll have to say... probably not often, because it was a p...

Happy National Siblings Day!   My sisters were all pretty much 'grown ups' by the time I graced this world with my awesomeness. They were busy looking for their own paths and trying to chase their dreams, and flying off from the nest before I could find my feet and learn to walk. However, that never stopped any of us from loving one another. Top row: My sisters (l to r) Jeanne, Debbie and Vickie Bottom row: Vickie's oldest, Stacey (left) & Kristie (right) (That's Me in the Middle) We may have not always shared the same views, lifestyles or interests, but we all shared two people (Mom and Dad) who taught us all more about strength and love better than anyone else ever could begin to. So Mom and Dad left us here with hardcore values, big hearts, stubbornness, amazing spirits and strengths (all four of us), and a love for one another that is there, even though we may not see one another often. I for one, love you, all of my sisters and will always be here for ...

"Write a story in seven (7) words". You Kissed Me. Sadly, I Woke Up.

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” ~Nelson Mandela That quote above is one of my favorites, and oh so true. There is so much potential for love in this world that all that ugliness is just sad, and a terrible waste of time here on earth because in my own experience, there are so many amazing people from all over the world in every imaginable color, shape or size, culture and religion too, that I know in my heart if I had wasted time hating people for no good reason, I would have missed out on beautiful friendships and family. However, today's selected holiday, entitled "Weed Out Hate, Sow The Seeds of Greatness Day" made me think of hate in a different way. One of my own vices (or two), road rage, and just encounters with assholes that cause m...

There Are Days I Don't Feel Strong, When I've Given My Love To The Last Drop, and My Hand of Friendship I've Extended So Far It Is Sprained And Sore, and I Feel So Empty. I Give of Myself, Not Expecting Return, But Sometimes Even I Deserve A Refill. :-( Thanks, my blog friends who send me little notes trying to do just that... You are loved back. I'm sorry that I am not so strong, as some days are harder than others. Some of those days I feel like writing it out, here, and some I just don't dare. I wrote a poem today... It goes a little something like this: I cut open my heart and allow you to look upon the very beat of it; Raw, fresh and blood-laden my pain belongs to me, and me alone-- For the beat of my heart, it has no Home... and loneliness is a dark and dreary shack where I rest my head, for now. As my weary eyes watch in wonder while another bright sunrise fades into a stormy night, I scramble for a flicker trying to hold on to the light. If by chance, I...

Still not doing so well on the blogging, I am trying though. I just can't muster up enough to say but I haven't given up, so don't give up on me. Today I post this song, as it is how I feel at the moment. Sometimes we love people, and they don't or cannot return the favor, but love given is never lost and I know that. When I DO love, it is with all of my heart, full-force, and it is REAL. Still, throughout our lives we have all experienced unrequited love and it sucks. Here are the lyrics to the song for lazy people, or those who don't like the style of music. The artist is "Vivian Green", the song is called "Cursed". Have a day. :-| "Cursed" I'm cursed with loving you baby It hurts cause you'll never know it I was put here to hopelessly love you And you ain't thinking of me that's the torture I go through It's been a long long time now And I'm still trying to get you out of my head, of my heart, of my whole damn...

Do you guys even read this crap? Dunno, maybe the right person who needs it will get something from reading it. Being "Back" as I said before, is still a bit of a hit and miss for me. It's not been for a lack of trying, and I still hope to get back to writing a lot more. As with anything, it's a process and we have to take it one day at a time. I'm not going to lie, there have been many things in my life that were probably more than noteworthy over the last few months, but unfortunately they are things I just can't write about publicly. They're things that are best-kept to my private journals, which don't actually exist mind you, but I really should go back to writing my journals. I think it would help me immensely. I guess life is all about changes. Sometimes they're good, and they feel fantastic, and sometimes they feel like someone took a lead pipe to your knee caps and ripped out your liver with a fork. But we have to go through them, and we ha...

If you haven't heard "I Love You" enough lately, this is my gift2 you. I thought I was going to think this video was lame, but just hearing all those voices saying "I Love You" was kind of moving... it's a little infectious. And who can love us more than Animals?? Listen to Mishka the Husky say "I Love You". And you know that I love you all, right?? So you're very blessed ;) I'm sure the Negative Negatasons will have something to say now, right??

Warning: I was feeling quite melancholy tonight, I wrote this poem for my Daddy. Oh, I did it to myself. That's one of my gifts, heavy emotion, making myself all sad... but it's o.k., I don't mind. I would rather feel, and go through pain, and come out the other side shining than never to have loved, or felt, or been so loved at all. If you knew my family, and my friends you would sure know how lucky I am. That being said, and if you have dared to go this far, then read on. "Just Not Forever" (For Daddy - 8/29/27 - 1/14/09) I know what they say is true How things appear to be but all I really want is for you to come home sit across the table have a cup of coffee we'll share a laugh or two maybe we'll even argue but you'll be there and things will be right again This world is really messed up without you here to talk to, to tell my jokes to and to laugh with oh, without your shoulder to cry on when I'm sad when things go sliding from good down to ba...

My mother is a poem I'll never be able to write, though everything I write is a poem to my mother. ~Sharon Doubiago Sometimes I have trouble finding my muse... then I think of Mama, and I am miraculously able to move forward. Sometimes I feel down on my luck, or wonder how to go on... and then I think of what my Mom has endured in her own life, and all of the gifts I have because of her and I feel stupid not to put one more foot forward. Mom is an endless inspiration to me, an endless song of love. She's been the greatest teacher, the best friend, the warmest heart and the most comfort in times when she probably felt low on those things herself. There is nothing I hold higher than that precious soul on Earth that I call "Mom". Although I feel that I have let her down many times in my life, and that I can never repay her fully for everything she has given to me, I try. I do the best I can, which I always feel pales in comparison to her. My guilt sometimes asphyxiates m...

“I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” ~Stephen Hawking It's Sunday night... I wish I had the time to throw down a really long blog entry, not that anyone would really read it. I really don't have the time anyways since it is kinda late and I have to watch True Blood before konking out for the night... so there. Amidst the muck of all things human and putrid, where the rude asshole reign and the stupid people continue to be allowed to breed, there are glimmers of hope that allow me deep sighs of tranquility. Just like today, for instance, I got a decently early start, rode my bike down to Mom's in a great temperature... it stayed in the 80s pretty much. It felt so good outside. Once again, the "Bob Ross Paintings" zipped by, one after one... (Bob Ross Paintings, that's what I have come to affectionately call the scenery that I pass when I elect to be blissful a...

Hope yours was survivable. This Video ( ' Book of Love cover') is a repeat, but I like it. It's your present. Be grateful, listen, judge not, enjoy. For today, my Want is silence. Good night.

Paul Simon is a great songwriter. I thought this was a very nice 'Father/Daughter' song... although someone else had created the video with various Father/Daughter photos, I still think it's very heartspoken. This is basically going to be "growing pains" week for me, for whatever reasons, and like I said I will share more actual feelings and words later. Right now, I just want to share this. I love both my parents very much, and I know I could not have been graced with any two in this entire universe any more wonderful... I am very lucky, and I am so thankful. Check out Paul Simon - "Father and Daughter" If you leap awake In the mirror of a bad dream And for a fraction of a second You cant remember where you are Just open your window And follow your memory upstream To the meadow in the mountain Where we counted every falling star I believe the light that shines on you Will shine on you forever And though I cant guarantee Theres nothing scary hiding unde...

For anyone who has ever been lucky enough to feel this kind of Love, but knowing how it feels to lose it. Never quite being able to get it out of your soul. No regrets, but loving that dangerously... loving the curse. This is for all of us... TGIF. Vivian Green - "Cursed" It's R&B, so if you don't like R&B (or rather if you're gonna bitch about it) don't listen. I love music of all kinds. The words are on the screen for this btw. Oh yes, and don't forget about WTF Friday .

Well, it's here. V-day! The world is still obsessed with it, (most) women expect or at least hope for some sugar-coated or diamond-studded representation of someone's affection, which is in-fact, meaningless. Because (most) men feel pressured, knowing that it is Valentine's Day and that they will be in trouble if they don't (pretend to) make a big deal out of the 'holiday'. We've all fallen victim to it at some point in our lives, because we thought we had to. The true fact is, when love is real, or you have love in your life, you don't need any sickening, fake-assed holiday to show it, the only thing that matters is what you're lucky to have in your day-to-day life. Every sweet moment, and even the bad times. If all that is what it should be, then nobody needs to "make anything up to anyone" on some fabricated excuse of a day for 'lovers'. Why would you want it if it was forced or expected anyway? Valentine's Day is just a comm...

I feel 110% dead this morning. But, I'm completely in Love!!! Seriously, I'm totally infatuated, and lustfully in love... With this delicious piece of cake!! It may have something to do with the fact that I overslept like a poisoned Cinderella and had to rush like mad to get going, so I had no time for breakfast. Skipping breakfast is a BIG diet "No-No!" You've heard it all before, you know I'm right and all the nutritional reasons, so I won't go into that. Just don't skip meals, your metabolism will get trashed and your body will store fat like a warmonger planning for the apocalypse. But it is Friday, and it started off badly, so I couldn't help it. Now I'm sitting here plotting what to go and binge on for food. Calling all Chocoholics, are you out there? I am a self-professed chocoholic but I have really gotten much better than I used to be. I remember a time when I would go into my Mother's cabinet and open up a can of chocolate cake fr...

Happy Father's Day to everyone who's a "Dad". Remember, any man can be a Father, but it takes a very special man to be a "Daddy". :) Mine is top-notch, and I'm going to see him this weekend, so you guys have a safe and happy one--I'm going to sing him a song and give him a big Father's day hug... Everyone at least do something nice for your parents this weekend, if they are still with us--For those of you who's parents have moved on to the next level, don't feel bad... they're watching over you, and haven't gone far. They're in the breeze that's flowing through your hair, they're the butterflies that may light on you strangely. They're everywhere. :) Talk to you when I return.

Wow, it is June 1st! This year is passing off so fast! Today is all about one special man... Sincere special birthday wishes going out to the most wonderful guy ever, my very own guitar god, a best friend, and someone who can make me laugh somehow even when I'm sad or mad as hell. He just so happens to be my husband too... Happy Birthday Richie!!! I hope you enjoy your new PRS and hope that there are so many more birthdays that we get to celebrate together... I love you more than you know. :) Have a perfect, rockin day! You deserve it. (Don't worry folks, I'll make sure he gets to have plenty of his favorite brew tonight! I will look out for him! ) :)

"Sometimes at night, I see their faces, I feel the traces they left on my soul. Those are the memories that make me a wealthy soul." -Bob Seger He had always asked me, "Where were you five years ago??" Every time, I would smile, sometimes replying, "I don't know, I was waiting for you." But no matter how tight I closed my eyes and wished, five years before, I couldn't go back, and he hadn't been there. Still I couldn't help but imagine how it might have turned out if we had met five years earlier. Valentine's Day that year, was the first and last time that anyone had ever made me feel truly special. He'd come down early that day to spend a few hours before work like he often did. When I answered the door, he greeted me with the same sweet intensity that I had I had come to know from him, the vibrant smile and in his hand a decorative gift bag which he handed to me. "Happy Valentine's Day." he said, staring into my eyes...

Latest Chapter... please enjoy. Got some catching up to do? Then you can check Parts I - III here: Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part I Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part II Butterflies and Zebras and Moonbeams - Part III After the night at the lake , things were a little stranger... not in a bad way, but there were more understood feelings there, even if we didn't talk about them, we knew what had been said and how the other felt. Looking back, I guess I had aspirations of the thing lasting indefinitely. Even Z had said, "Who knows, this might last a few months, it could last ten years." But I romanticized it, and I wanted it to go on, and on and on. We continued to see each other whenever we could work it out, and we even planned a Friday off together here and there. One in particular stands out in my memory. "This Friday," Z said, "Let's spend the whole day together." This was completely agreeable to me, as I took any opportuni...