Deep In The Forrest

Even when I ramble on, I guess it's just a bunch of "Malarkey" as my Dad always called it. So many zany and interesting thoughts pass through my skull on a daily basis, and I forget to write all of them down. Maybe I should start to carry that little digital recorder around with me everywhere so I can capture each and every little and genius and amazing notion. But now I will just ramble a bit and see what comes. My kickboxing class fell through today since the teacher wasn't feeling that well and the other ladies in class had things going on. I was the only one who showed up today, and since it seems like we all had a rough go starting the week, I bowed out and gave Mrs. F an R&R day. I figured I could use the extra day to recharge my batteries too. I think we'll all feel a little better Friday, and maybe everyone will be there. So I went back home, and Richie (who is slightly ailing from an Arm Bar by his instructor), and I went to our favorite little Mexic...

Don't ya just love weddings?? Although my mother has always scorned me for never having an "official" goo-goo gah-gah wedding, I remain glad in a way that I never put myself through all of that. Weddings are the kind of places that you get stupid memories like this (above). A groom being so nervous that he can't blow out the unity candle, or someone getting blitzed at the reception and doing something crazy. So maybe I should have had a real wedding... who knows. Richie and I just got up one day, threw on jeans and sweaters and headed down to the Courts, got the only JP that wasn't out for the holiday (being December 28) and got hitched! Then he was so freaked out and frozen over the whole deal and the fact that we'd actually gone through with it, even though he was the one who brought the whole thing up in the beginning, that we never really went on an Official "Honeymoon". That kind of sucks. I never get to travel to many places, and I always wish...

Tastes, smells and sensations that strike up memories and make me sentimental... Oscar De Larenta cologne, it reminds me of all the wonderful times spent with my sister, Vickie growing up. Old Country music in restaurants, I can see my Dad, straight and tall and strong as an Ox walking into a Truck Stop on a long haul, or a family trip with us. Juicy, red ripe watermelon, takes me straight to a hot summer day at home. I can envision my Mom in her 'work jeans', sitting outside in the heat still drinking coffee, we sprinkle a bit of salt on the melon, and I can almost smell the freshly cut summer grass. Insense and certain air freshener, reminds me of living at Bo's house. Wind Song perfume (by Prince Matchavelli), I can close my eyes and see Mom getting ready for church on a sunday morning in her best suit or dress, looking like a billion dollars, me still sleeping, squeezing every last moment I could and hoping she wouldn't make me go. Classic Old Lysol (the Hospital s...

The other night I had a strange and unsettling dream, which is not uncommon really, but this one was remarkable to me in the sense that it made sense. The dream (as much as I can remember it): Richie and I were not married yet, but we had clearly been in a long-term relationship. There was this other guy, a guy who's face I have never seen before in reality, but in the dream, I knew him evidently well enough to be marrying him. So, I was engaged to this guy, and we were trying to plan wedding details, but every thought in my head was making me completely nauseous about it--I didn't have any feelings except for disgust for the guy, I was wondering why I was even doing it--and how I got involved with him and all that. It was really weird... I had a terrible feeling that I was on the complete wrong path and that I needed to turn back and fast. In the dream, I missed Richie terribly and really wanted to talk to him. I remembered our times together, and all I wanted to do was to mak...

Well another weekend, or as I like to think of it (as of 5:00 Friday upon leaving work), 45 hours of my life wasted that i'm not getting back. I know-there's nothing wrong with kicking back and relaxing and enjoying life... I'm all for it. But doesn't that constitute a little 'going out' and actually experiencing some of it outside the walls of your house?? Maybe? Ok, well even in the vein of 'staying home and catching up on things that need to be done around the house', explain to me why none of that has been accomplished... I have not accomplished or completed one solitary task this weekend except for pointing and laughing at life as it passed me by. Maybe I sound a little bitter or panicked. Well I am! What am I going to do about this lack of motivation and lack of self-discipline?? I've never been the best at it, as I am an extreme procrastinator. But I don't like it at all--I want to change. I want to begin again with a better spirit of figh...