Deep In The Forrest

I'm struggling, daily. I am unhappy with my choices and my situations, my attitude, my health, and myself. Nobody has to lecture me, I get it. This is all my responsibility and something I can control. That's why I am so mad at myself right now, because I CAN control this, but I don't. I have allowed myself to get apathetic and lazy, then get upset because my life isn't what I want it to be. I should be treating myself like I treat the partners I have had in my life, but instead, I spend my time treating others like I want to be treated, and rarely getting that in return. So, yes I am struggling. I have allowed everything that I have gone through in the last few years, not really to break me but damage the hell out of me enough to make me treat myself like I don't matter, to ruin my life. After a phone conversation with one of my closest friends this morning, I started thinking about all of this stuff... how there are really no excuses for bad nutrition, lack ...

Ask anyone who knows me really well, and they will attest to the fact that I am usually an upbeat, funny person to be around. I always want to uplift people, and I crack jokes, and keep people laughing and smiling as much as I can. It's a part of me that I inherit from my father. I would like to do the same thing when I blog, or write. I see the contrast between the person that I am when I am sitting at the table having coffee with you, to the person that I am through the written word. That's difficult sometimes though. I want to write comically all the time, but sometimes I just have to vent and get rid of aggression, anger or sadness. I've been thinking about so many things I wanna blog about and I will note them and safe them to refer back to later, and then when I finally get time to go back they are basically no longer relevant. So it's like I really should blog right when I am thinking about these ideas or they go flying moot out the window... what's a terribl...

Since I was a child, I have had the occasional fever blister. Most recently, I had one like two weeks ago, and then this week (after this past Friday's extremely stressful and emotionally wearing day), I popped up with another one. This greatly distressed me, as I feel really bad on a daily basis about how I look to start with, and then to appear even more diseased with these mouth blisters makes me really go off the deep end. So I was thinking about what causes these hellish plagues. I know first off that it is already in the Herp family y'know and lies dormant in the nerve cells until it is triggered by some type of stress, or trauma to the affected area anyways... I know that sounds bad... It's NOT THE GENITAL type, of course, but it still makes one feel disgusting. Even though it is NOT, it could turn into something like that if one doesn't exercise the proper cautionary measures and cleanliness in order to prevent passing it on or having it spread. So yeah, stress ...

Fueled At The Filling Station... The most annoying thing ever happened this morning as I was getting mandatory fuel at the pump. There I stand, barely, and still trying to wake, still having to drag myself around by the ear as this has been such a long, stretched out week. I love all motorcycles, and this one was no exception. It was sleek, black and shiny. The machine was adorned with 'all the fixins'. There was just one problem (well, technically two). First off was the driver himself, this loud, obnoxious guy who wanted to make CERTAIN he was seen and heard. I don't know how many of them there were, maybe 2 or 3 riding together. One was a girl on a sports bike, his was a cruiser. He had his radio blaring some horrible rap song, and I mean blaring. They pulled into the gas station for some unknown reason, I don't even know why, because they didn't appear to do anything productive at all, they just turned in, blared their horrible music and made a slow annoying cir...

(Today's angry obscenities are brought to you by the letters "F" and "U" ). Ok, now I'm taking a little time out to bitch... I feel like a good post full of rants. I need to blow off a little steam. So take it as you will, I am going to ramble a bit. You may have to finish this post in sections, or by all means take it all if you are in the mood to read today. I pre-apologize for any over-lengthiness, harshness or obscenities... I simply must let flee my feelings and get it all out. Where oh where oh where should I start?? Fit To Be Gagged And Bound In trying to get back to some sense of normalcy since my Dad's untimely passing, we have of course been trying to keep with a workout schedule as much as possible. Now, Richie and I know how to use the machines, and we workout "Smart" when we use things, we are polite, re-rack our weights, we wipe down machines, and we try to be respectful of others around us who are trying to get in a quality w...

Here we are, smack dab at the top of 2009. This is the First Friday of the new year (2nd day o' the year). That's right! This is my first official non-holiday post of the new year, I don't have to say "happy" anything except for that I feel happy about that. I am just so glad that the "Holidays" are officially over. For starters, Yesterday was a good day. I didn't sleep too late, even though I was quite tired still from the last couple of days of holiday work and wear. I basically got up, bundled up with all my riding gear, and rode down to Mom-n-Dad's on my motorcycle. Yeah that's right, Jimi was quite excited to hit the pavement after this spell of "icky" weather, I just haven't wanted to be out in the muck and the freezing temps. Don't get me wrong, it was still quite chilly yesterday, but with my layers, and beautiful blue cast that the sun was gifting the sky, I could not resist. When I arrived at Moms, she was still...

Stay tuned, here's my ideas, thoughts, you know... the Monday blurb. I don't think I'm ever going to mature any further, and I don't believe that I was ever really meant to be domesticated. I always feel that wild hair to go running, screaming naked through a big field... in the middle of nowhere. (Not literally, I guess I mean that as an analogy for feeling restless and wild all the time). I know this would've never been great news to my family, who worries when someone doesn't settle down and manufacture the chitlins. Well, I was rolling along quite well (so I thought), hit a speed bump, rolled off Life's highway and landed on the alter, oddly after I turned 31. We've never started a chitlin business, and I don't really plan on it... I don't see anything wrong with that, I don't feel that parenting is for everyone. I also think the world could really use more people who actually give parenting great thought as opposed to just irresponsibly...

As everyone probably knows but hasn't given much thought to, I have been participating all month long in the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month November 2007 ) event, and today is the last day of November. It was trying at times, but I actually did it!! I posted, sometimes even more than one post PER DAY for the whole month! NaBloPoMo's site sported some cool "I Did It" banners, and I selected this cool little "Tattoo" version (since I love tattoos so much). Give me props people!! I did it! Yay! Thanks to everyone over at NaBloPoMo for being so cool, and all the other participants who made it, and even those who simply gave it their all, it's been tons of fun!!! As the month comes to a close, it's time to get all up into Christmas full-swing, right? Some of us have already begun discussing holiday stuff, such as the Fruitcake that I complained about yesterday and probably most of you are talking about drinking in the New Year already! Well, some...

Weekend coming to a close here... I'm basically sitting back chilling while Mr. J watches yet another History Channel feature about Nostradamus. This is a good thing, especially if I want to go to bed and have night terrors. I thought I would do a Sunday night post to include some ranting and some rambling. Some of the rants, I've talked about before so no doubt will it be a repeat and probably bore some of you who read me. However, lots of times when I mention topics such as "bad customer service" and "public assholes", I get a great deal of followers who wholeheartedly agree. I mention customer service workers, once again, because over the weekend I happened to go through a well-known franchise drive-thru, and noticed more crap-assed behavior on the part of the "cheery" workers there. I make my order, they repeat it (so far so good), then I get to the first window. I noticed right away that the girl waiting to take my money keeps the window clasp...

Today, I was planning a big rant about people using their cellphones in an office environment, and how rude it is when they don't know how to put it on silent, or use an 'inside voice' when they are on the cellphone, or the "speaker phone". Either way, they are oblivious to the fact that there are others around them trying to get some work done, and that they are not, in fact, the only person in the office. I was also going to say that we, the others not constantly on the phone, who are trying to concentrate, are not interested in hearing the details of your private affairs, we don't want to know about your divorce proceedings, we don't want to hear you yelling at your child to finish her chores or else, and we really don't enjoy your less than amusing choices of ring tones. All this stuff should be 'personal stuff' and kept out of the office. That is, unless you have your own private office with sound proof walls, but that is not the case. No ...

Rant #1 for Monday: Monday morning Rush hour is no place for you "Sunday Drivers" . Don't get me wrong... I don't have a problem whatsoever with you driving like a snail, and i'm all for safety on the road. What you happen to be doing, however, is not safe. Not that any of you rotten apples of the road are going to listen to what I have to say, but just in case these words don't totally fall on blind eyes, or the proverbial 'deaf ear', here are a few tips for you aliens to the busy rush hour interstates and freeways. If you're going to drive slow, do it in the appropriate lane and kindly get out of the "Acceleration Lane". Do not drive slowly in the "Acceleration Lane" and expect people to stay off your ass. If you were going at least the speed limit, or driving in the proper lane for slower traffic, you wouldn't be having the problem. Furthermore, if you do (oddly enough) have a line of cars riding said bumper, maybe you s...

Interesting quote for the day: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut I got my drivers license at 15. That's not totally unheard of, I know but it is still rare. Plus, I've been driving something or another since I could walk so I've been driving for... a long time. Around here, drivers licenses or State IDs (for those of you who can't drive but still must prove who you are), are used for multiple purposes. You must present these to the law upon being pulled over, or going through the ever-popular 'Road Block'. Or simply 'getting carded'. The first time I used mine was when we caught sneaking into the boy's dorm at the local community college. My friend, Kathy was dead set on going over to see some guy she claimed to be friends with. As usual, I was dragged along as an accomplice. So we drive over to 'Quitman Dormitory' I think it was, parked and proceeded straight through the fr...

Or losing patience more so. Those that know me well, know that I am not a morning person in the least. Also, during those tender loving morning hours you will find me in a bit of a rush too because I am a procrastinator, running late, hitting the snooze button one too many times. This morning, I was doing pretty good though as Richie and I are once again tackling the Couch to 5K running plan . So I'd already had my morning walk/run and had some good healthy oatmeal in my belly. Plenty of time to spare, not plenty but more than usual so I stop off at the gas station for a quick fill-up. I'm nearly finished pumping the petrol, close the gas cap, and I'm veering towards my door to get in and head on towards my work day. Just then I am obstructed by none other than an early-bird Jehovah's Witness. These Jehovah's Witnesses used to come to our house it seemed a lot when I was a child. That was pretty brave of them as we had an extensively long driveway. They must've ...

Forgive me for this last 'bitching' that I am about to give ya... I found something else I noticed today while I was out and about running errands. To all pedestrians and drivers (especially Memphis pedestrians and Memphis Drivers): I am not one of those drivers that 'tries to look like I'm going to run over you in the street', or even that would (unless I was given good reason). Also, I surely understand the hustle and bustle of life and everyone's busy and has much to do-and maybe that the laws of "Jaywalking" have loosened up a bit. But PLEASE people, do not go walking across a busy intersection in the middle of the day (in the middle of a city like Memphis nonetheless) when the light is green and people are trying to get somewhere. You're risking your own life just trying to look tough. If you are GOING to do this no matter what I beg of you, then please don't start off running across the street in this way, only to make eye contact with me...

Well another weekend, or as I like to think of it (as of 5:00 Friday upon leaving work), 45 hours of my life wasted that i'm not getting back. I know-there's nothing wrong with kicking back and relaxing and enjoying life... I'm all for it. But doesn't that constitute a little 'going out' and actually experiencing some of it outside the walls of your house?? Maybe? Ok, well even in the vein of 'staying home and catching up on things that need to be done around the house', explain to me why none of that has been accomplished... I have not accomplished or completed one solitary task this weekend except for pointing and laughing at life as it passed me by. Maybe I sound a little bitter or panicked. Well I am! What am I going to do about this lack of motivation and lack of self-discipline?? I've never been the best at it, as I am an extreme procrastinator. But I don't like it at all--I want to change. I want to begin again with a better spirit of figh...