Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Good Anger Management

This was a forward to me in an e-mail. It's really funny, and it makes me want to do this to the next people who piss me off. Even if I decide not to, it was a stress relief just to read it. You may or may not have seen it before, but give it a read. It certainly bears repeating, I giggle every time I read it.
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ANGER MANAGEMENT

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*** ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole !" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole !" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is.." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole !"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He screamed, "Stop calling me!" I said, "Make me." He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole No. 2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole ." He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

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So do I... look out! :)

6 comments:

Jay said...

I would never be clever enough to do something like that. I mean sure, I've called people up and told them they were an asshole before. But that's about it.

FOUR DINNERS said...

I got this off a mate last year. I used it. It worked. I'll post it. We ended up with four cop cars a fire engine and an ambulance in our street. It really worked!!!

Farmer*swife said...

This was too funny. Made me feel much better after my "Fox Toxin" idiot incident at "work" this morning! LOL Thanks for visiting me!

When I get home to my "real" computer I think I'll have to bookmark you :). I am always in search of laughter, especially the kind that makes me fall out of my seat!

Anonymous said...

You are scaring me Auntie.....lol
remind me not to p-y-off.

BBC said...

Um, I'm glad if it makes you feel better.

g-man said...

That is TOOO funny!! I feel better for just reading it :)