Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Not Sick But Not Well

It's officially "Hmmmph" day... I thought I would take an opportunity to recognize some of the ignorance, stupidity and rudeness I have brushed elbows with in the past few days. I'm not sure if this will qualify as a rant, but it may turn into one, who knows the day is young.

Here is my official Song to Commemorate the Day (couldn't find the original video to post, so this will have to do... I give you "Flagpole Sitta":
(view Lyrics to Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta)

RE: Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from Jerry Ascione on Vimeo.

Either people are getting more and more rude and callous by the day, or I have recently harnassed a the superpower of "Invisibility" (which would be cool if it were true and possible). Because everywhere I go, people either jump out in front of me, act like I'm not there and get right in my path only to stop and talk to someone else, nearly back over me as if I am not even there, or rudely interrupt a conversation that I am having with someone else like it is not even going on.

For example, just the other day I stepped into the elevator, at first all alone. That thrilled me anyway because I rather enjoy riding the elevator all by myself. Of course, it stopped a couple of floors down, some people file in, then it seems to stop on every 2 floors or so. In walks one of the building's many Lawyers. He appears to know a couple of the ladies who are already on the elevator, and begins a conversation with them upon entering. Meanwhile, he nearly sits in my lap, backing up until he's backed me up against the wall and I'm sitting there staring at his ear hair with macro-vision. So the long trip down the elevator, I feel stiff as a board, afraid to move as I might accidentally "goose" him or something... Then again, maybe I should have. Finally, the elevator hits "L" and I have never been so happy to arrive to the lobby. The doors open, and Mr. Lawyer, and another man who was in the elevator pause and say "Ladies First!". Well, the short little prissy lady and the other woman start to exit, and I, ALSO BEING A 'LADY' take my place behind the other lady only to be nearly cut-off by Mr. Lawyer... I proceed past him with a polite "Excuse Me". And he says, "Oh excuse me." That's right-You had someone behind you the entire time dumshit! What, am I invisible? Or do I look like a monster or something else besides a female?? What gives? So then I am stepping it at my usual decently-quick pace to a small restaurant in the building to the left of the hallway, and he's walking a little faster but on the right side. I notice, however that he is slowly veering over to the left, and is about to run over me yet again... on his way to the ATM machine. I, being on the left already just as I am about to turn in (as he nearly stumbles into me) just stop in my tracks and say "GO AHEAD." Then, I pass him and proceed to the restaurant.

Now, if he had only walked properly with respect to the fact that I was going towards that corridor, he would not have even had to run into me. I would've been gone-out of his way. But he was so hell bent on getting to the ATM, that he came off like a totally rude asshole. I just must be totally invisible.

I must be some sort of magnet too, because people are always backing over me, or running into me like I'm not even there. Just the same as in the video store last night, I was minding my own business, walking clearly out of this couple's path, and the male member of the couple isn't watching where he's going, he's looking at her, saying something... all the while he's backing up and veering totally in my direction, I'm walking, looking at him and trying to get out of his way, but he backs right over me... Looks up startled and says, "Oh excuse me, i'm sorry!"... I just say, "It's... alright." And continue to the register.

Maybe I'm being nit-picky, but it is severely irritating that people can't even be aware of their surroundings and watch what they're doing; where they're going. I know I'm not some gorgeous super-model, but whatever happened to just common respect and chivalry? It's out the window it seems.

It also seems seems that no matter what I am doing, or who I am talking to people coming up to interrupt me all the time. I might be discussing important business about a project or something that is no less important than what they need, but they just walk right up and "Cut In", without a thought. Is it just me?? Or shouldn't people take a number? It irritates the Bejezzus out of me.

Then lastly, I'll make a note about the 'serial buttholes' that plague today's roadways. You've heard me rant on and on about Memphis Drivers, and they are some of the worst... but that doesn't mean that mean, rude, rotten, insensitive, brainless drivers can't be found at every redlight, intersection or corner! Just last night, I stop at a stop light, once again, minding my own business. Now this redlight is one of those annoying spots where there is still a right lane, but it ends just after the redlight, so people always get in the right lane, hoping to speed up and "butthole" the people patiently sitting at the light waiting their turn. Normally, I can speed up enough to hold my own and prevent them from cutting in front of me as the lane ends, however this imbecile is driving, like, a red cherokee or something, and he's evidently got his foot hovering over the gas. As the light turns red, I put the pedal to the metal, and he speeds up like lightning, jumping in front of me. All of a sudden, I'm as mad as a wrestler on steroids. Still speeding along behind him, he starts to "stomp" on his break lights. I then flash my high beams and flip him off a few times. At this point, I'm riding his ass but he is not even going the speed limit. I mean, what's with that?? You spent all that energy passing me to cut me off, then you want to slow down and go 20 MPH?? Unacceptable... So I find a good spot to pass him, and I accelerate past the guy cursing all the way. I get back in my rightful spot in front of him and look in the rear view mirror. I guess he's given up because he's not speeding up to race me any longer.

What is the deal people?? Why is everyone so hellbent on pissing off thy neighbor? Why is everyone so oblivious to the environment around them? It has become a truly callous, insensitive, asshole nation... and I'm sick and freaking tired of being run over!!!

Just like the song says, "I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell..."

And yes Harvey Danger was right, Stupid people are STILL BREEDING!!
I have documented evidence!!

"Way to go, Disks for Brains!!"


Jay said...

Not only are stupid people still breeding they're breeding at an alarming rate. I think we've already hit the point where stupid people make up the majority in most cities. It's very annoying!

her indoors said...

and i thought all those stupid people lived over here!

Aunt Jackie said...

Jay! I know they must be descendants of rabbits!! It's scary... and... very annoying.

Indoors! Yes, arseholes as far as the eye can see!! :)


Once swift knee in the happy sacks and they'd notice you. Guaranteed!

Aunt Jackie said...

Dinners! Sounds like a plan to me! I'm armed and ready for the next ignorant oblivious apathetic useless slab of flesh!!! :)

Oops sorry, there went the rage again!

Chucky said...

Kick ass song!

Even better music video. It put a smile on my face =)

At least the week is almost over!

Further on up the road said...

Return the DVD late and say it took ages to rewind.

Ignorance and arrogance - annoy me. But I've long decided best I should so is let it go and get on with myself. Since trying this approach often what amazes me is the amount of times people comment on it. When I confessed to a small cock up at work to a senior person in a public meeting there was this silence like I'd shot someone. The person I apologised to smiled and said "Thank you, I just grateful to see some honesty around here for once".

Last night a "racer" forced past me on a 40mph stretch of road. Funny when I got to the village a mile on, he was stuck behind a huge truck right in front of me. Ho Ho!

Jay Cam said...

lol i guess im stupid..
but i would sure like to get to know the girls in that video!
...they were pretty hot
: )

Cindi said...

Your story about the lawyer in the elevator makes me think of the conversation I had with a co-worker earlier tonight. We were talking about some of the self-important snobbish "big wigs" around here that come to the hospital and expect to be treated like they are God. We were specifically talking about certain lawyers and judges. They act like they are filled with a great sense of their own importance. They expect us to know who they are and how important they are too.