Learning to Lean

I have trust issues. I'm admitting it... So much at times that I wonder who I can truly rely on. Maybe I get this from my Mother, who lately seems to be putting us all through constant passive-aggressive type guilt trips over not being able to 'rely on us', but that she doesn't want us doing anything for her and refuses to burden us with any of her troubles or needs. It's becoming so frustrating to me that it makes me want to scream. I understand that everyone gets tired of bearing the burden, and feel like they have to go it completely alone, I feel the same way sometimes... But I find outlets, either I write it out whether in personal journal form, or the blog, which has become quite a therapeutic tool for me. Those that read the blog can choose to read or not read it, comment or not, and sometimes when I voice what I am going through it can help someone else who might be going through similar changes to get through theirs, and 'go another mile' (so-to-speak). That's the beauty of that, but I digress.

Trust issues aside, I know that there are some things that are best kept to yourself, but I feel like being able to trust and lean on your Sisters, Daughters, Brothers, Sons, Best Friends/Loved ones (whoever that may be) is something that we should be able to do. I know that it's not the case for everyone, but it should be... If you cannot lean on your family, and trust your family to be there for you with open arms, then who can you trust? (Besides yourself--and sometimes your 'self' is not enough).

Just as my inspiration post below states, Life is too short, so if you're harboring any sort of bad blood or resentments... anything that you know inside that you're going to regret then you need to address those issues people... and you need to resolve that bad blood, and 'sand down' those chips on your shoulders... every moment spent in anger, misunderstanding or unforgiving is yet another moment that you're not going to get back ever again!

I touch on this subject today because many of my family members keep things inside way too much. They won't let you know when something is wrong, they won't tell you when they need you to be there for them, or do something for them. They just sit back and internalize it, go into deep depressions and let life run over them like a truck... and then just make themselves literally, physically sick over it... It's not healthy, and it's not right. I don't know what to do about it. There is really nothing I can do except for worry about them, and be sad that they won't do anything positive for themselves, and simply remain in total denial.

Nothing is worth making yourself sick, and jeopardizing your health over... The rest of us (that's right the rest of your family that you're forgetting are still here, and care) can't live without you, and to yourself and us--it's not fair at all...

Lastly, I realize that life is ever-changing, and that the only thing that is always certain is in fact "change" itself... I'm learning to live with that, slowly. Time's passing by like lightening and it is scary. We're all on this ship together though, so we may as well learn to lean on one another... It might be the only way to make it through.