Monday, March 26, 2007

Learning to Lean

I have trust issues. I'm admitting it... So much at times that I wonder who I can truly rely on. Maybe I get this from my Mother, who lately seems to be putting us all through constant passive-aggressive type guilt trips over not being able to 'rely on us', but that she doesn't want us doing anything for her and refuses to burden us with any of her troubles or needs. It's becoming so frustrating to me that it makes me want to scream. I understand that everyone gets tired of bearing the burden, and feel like they have to go it completely alone, I feel the same way sometimes... But I find outlets, either I write it out whether in personal journal form, or the blog, which has become quite a therapeutic tool for me. Those that read the blog can choose to read or not read it, comment or not, and sometimes when I voice what I am going through it can help someone else who might be going through similar changes to get through theirs, and 'go another mile' (so-to-speak). That's the beauty of that, but I digress.

Trust issues aside, I know that there are some things that are best kept to yourself, but I feel like being able to trust and lean on your Sisters, Daughters, Brothers, Sons, Best Friends/Loved ones (whoever that may be) is something that we should be able to do. I know that it's not the case for everyone, but it should be... If you cannot lean on your family, and trust your family to be there for you with open arms, then who can you trust? (Besides yourself--and sometimes your 'self' is not enough).

Just as my inspiration post below states, Life is too short, so if you're harboring any sort of bad blood or resentments... anything that you know inside that you're going to regret then you need to address those issues people... and you need to resolve that bad blood, and 'sand down' those chips on your shoulders... every moment spent in anger, misunderstanding or unforgiving is yet another moment that you're not going to get back ever again!

I touch on this subject today because many of my family members keep things inside way too much. They won't let you know when something is wrong, they won't tell you when they need you to be there for them, or do something for them. They just sit back and internalize it, go into deep depressions and let life run over them like a truck... and then just make themselves literally, physically sick over it... It's not healthy, and it's not right. I don't know what to do about it. There is really nothing I can do except for worry about them, and be sad that they won't do anything positive for themselves, and simply remain in total denial.

Nothing is worth making yourself sick, and jeopardizing your health over... The rest of us (that's right the rest of your family that you're forgetting are still here, and care) can't live without you, and to yourself and us--it's not fair at all...

Lastly, I realize that life is ever-changing, and that the only thing that is always certain is in fact "change" itself... I'm learning to live with that, slowly. Time's passing by like lightening and it is scary. We're all on this ship together though, so we may as well learn to lean on one another... It might be the only way to make it through.

7 comments:

Chelly said...

Another beautiful and touching post. I wish I could give you a great big hug but I'll just send it to you over the internet.

xoxo,

Chelly

captain corky said...

I agree, great post Jackie. I have found that blogging has been very theraputic too.

Mike E said...

Hell yeah -- my blog saved my life (or...at least stopped me, for the most part, from talking to myself out loud on all those sleepless nights..)

As far as trust goes I've learned that it is never unconditional: to truly trust someone you must know when they are most likely to let you down.

Stay Happenin,
Mike E

JINKS said...

Jackie,

If it weren't for your encouragement I would never have attempted blogging, so big thank you.....and mike e makes a very good point. I know that folks will let you down, regardless of their intentions...and that most of the pain in this world that we give or get is unintentional..its built into the system. For me, its a matter of what you put your trust in....trust that people screw up.....trust that its normal.....trust that you will get hurt by it...trust that you survive it if you chose to...trust that change is a good thing....trust that everything is going along just as it should.....trust that we don't have answers and its just fine....and here's my biggy....the one I have the most trouble with......trust what is....which really encapsules all the above and takes away the need to control it.....in otherwords our life is what it is, and so are the people in it.....we can chose to love them just as they are or we can battle it internally and/or externally..even when that love takes every ounce of our being its intention can be trusted to make a positive change in life...not always for whom or for what reasons you expect...but positive....as far as leaning goes.....take it wherever you can get it.....and offer wherever you can....

Nana said...

Jackie I love you.......... (o:

awaiting said...

I have extreme trust issues. After being hurt so many times, my level of trust has been diminished to almost non existent. I know this is not fair to others that I may encounter...in fact, my inability to trust may cost me in the long run, friends, and loves.

But, it is a wall I have built around myself as a means of protection. Be it a barrier to escape the hurt that may be imposed upon me, it is also a barrier that bars be from experiencing many of life's joys.

Excellent post!

AuntJackie said...

Appreciate Ya'll... Thanks for such great comments. Forgive me i'm feeling old and lazy today. ;)