Friday, March 30, 2007

Need Security!! Please, We're insecure!

I was reminded by Rockdog, who was reminded by Jay, who was reminded by Carmen (not sure how long this list goes on-lol) of titillating stories of Security-guard screw-ups and sometimes breaches in security around manufacturing companies, and plant-type environments. How secure can these places be?? I mean, you have a guard shack, and an open gate... lots of times the buildings are in bad parts of town or in the 'industrial' section, which is a bit morose looking in itself. But the guard shacks gave us this evidently 'false sense of security'. They're mostly unarmed, unless they can throw their security badge like some type of karate stars, or maybe knock the criminal down in a puff of cigarette smoke. Otherwise, they're pretty much sitting ducks, am I wrong?

Well I once worked in a similar type of environment, but it was the Printing Industry. I was on 1st shift, but I have been through my share of 2nd and 3rd as well. Our building was older, a bit run down, and located in the 'ugly' part of town. We all parked our cars in the cozy sort of medium-sized parking lot that was available to us at no charge (unless you lost the initial parking sticker that you were issued)... and guarded by that ever-so trusted guard shack... the one that sat by the open entrance of our lot, just begging for excitement.

Well one fine evening on 2nd shift, excitement paid a visit. Seems that there was some domestic issue (possibly a love triangle if I can remember correctly), and the husband of the woman involved came up to the plant that evening, with a gun, and went in ready to shoot (seems at least someone was armed). Of course this really threw the Printing Company on high-alert, so the very next day we were all called in to a meeting with our boss, who was from Boston (is that short for Boss Town?? hmmm).

His meeting went something like this: "Ay've cahhled all of yous heahh to discuss tha incident that heppen'd yestaday. Now, Ayh knoow yus all hoyyd about it, and it's unda controwwl. Howevah, stahhting this week, please be aweaaah that we'ah gonna have some Aahhhmed Gaahhhds at the front gate to stiffen up tha security around heahhh."

As you can imagine, we all felt 100% more secure after the meeting, and I went on to enjoy a very long career of impersonating my boss from Boston.


RockDog said...

"Aahhhmed Gaahhhds"

LOL! Perfect! Bostonians sound almost as funny as Southerners... ;) Just Kidding! Ya'll sound right nice now, ya hear!

The security where I worked was there more to make sure we didn't kill each other or steal any of the product...not so much to stop intruders.

CarmenSinCity said...

hehehe - nice accent. Boston people crack me up.

Mike E said...

YEAH!! That was perhaps the finest written representation of a Boston accent I have ever read. I laughed out loud (lol)! Yep. And I'm no stranger to making fun of Boston accents.

What with Vermont's regional proximity & all -- we get to make fun of a different Mass-hole almost every day around here!

captain corky said...

I have to walk through a metal detector every night on my way in and out of work. I feel very secure despite the fact that a 70 year old woman is the one wanding me when the detector goes off.

PS. Amazing picture bellow.

Tisha! said...

couky gal, great impersonation...would love to hear you do it some time!

I've worked as a guard several times and was scared shitless anybody would come with a weapon even the times I was packing an M-16, don't think I could shoot unless they really pissed me off!


Ray Van Horn, Jr. said...

Good story. My stepfather is a security guard and without trying can be imposing without a single weapon, which is why he gets hired for those jobs, but he's really the nicest guy on top of it.

Love seeing Ralph from Animaniacs here! Miss that show.

Four Dinners said...

working at Heathrow Airport Cargo Village you'd assume we have decent security yes?

We have one unarmed security guard. Actually he's also half unarmed in a way as he only has one arm. He also has a bad leg. I think it's a real one.

We feel so safe.

awaiting said...

Too funny! Thanks soooo much for the much needed laugh!

her indoors said...

LOL enjoyed that!