Monday, April 21, 2008

So Many Letters, So Little Time

Last thing that caught my ear after lunch, getting out of my car was the radio telling some story about a person named "Harry Melons". I guess things always strike me funny, but I felt a little sorry for whoever this was. And if your name is Harry Melons, and you are reading this because you Google yourself too much, and you're angry because I'm making fun of your name, lighten up. Please, you know it's funny. Kick back and laugh at yourself. We are.

I wanted to make a quick note today of the weekend's events, annoying and otherwise as I have had time to collect my thoughts, but not enough time to put it into writing.

Friday, I got a phone call right as I was leaving which was project related and made me have to stay nearly 30 minutes more.

Then, Friday night was "Me and Mr. J Time", we had a nice night watching movies and hanging out together, and stayed up relatively late.

Saturday, I slept until maybe 10ish, layed around for a while, watching "Hearts In Atlantis" like I had said I wanted to. Got ready, went to record some vocal tracks on our SAP CD. It went well, and I got about 3 done. I am going to rework some things though, because I want a different effect. That's neither here nor there.

Saturday night, watched the latest UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) between Matt Serra vs. George St. Pierre. It was overall good, but I have to say Canada was really "on" this time.

The weekend overall held a few irritations, mostly akin to more road rage and fighting the urge to slap most of my fellow men in public, whether it be a rude asshole in the grocery store or the guy who "jumps" in front of me on the street only to poke down to an insane 10 MPH. So many idiots, so few rocks. (As Forrest Gump said, "Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks."

Sunday we began our workout routine again after about a 5 day break, I was enjoying my Elliptical machine workout. I had my headset on, plugged into the "CardioTheatre" screen, and I was watching the Sci Fi Channel. Lo and Behold it was "Stephen King's Storm of the Century". I got all engrossed in that.

Not even ten minutes into my workout, along comes "Clop-Along Charlie" (One of the Gym's Clopping Clydesdales), who plants himself on a Treadmill and starts to Run very loudly and annoyingly as if he is the only person trying to workout and enjoy the Gym. I tried to turn the volume up so as to drown his noise out, but my ear pieces weren't suited for noise reduction. So I had to try to manually block him out... I'm not much good at that!

Mind you, it was a wonderful, warm, delicious spring day outside and he could've been taking in any manner of trails, far from earshot of me and my "Storm of the Century". But no, he is indoors, igniting dirty looks from the other non-amused gym members.

So Clop-Along is steadily clumping along, and Mr. J hands me the water bottle... I honestly had a very real urge to hurl the bottle at this man's head. I had to restrain myself. Mr. J knew what I was thinking as well. Then during commercials, I fantasized about walking past his treadmill and conveniently sticking my foot up so that he would go hurdling across the floor and fly off during his stupor-man workout... I snickered to myself evilly wishing I could.

I used my Elliptical machine for a solid hour... Clop-along ruined at least 85 percent of that hour. (And I KNOW-the Treadmills are designed for walking AND RUNNING, but SOME ETIQUETTE COULD be used). I maintained my composure and didn't hurt the man, I did. Then, to my joyful glee, he stopped his treadmill... (YAY!! No more Clopping!). Then he proceeded over to the weights area to 'tone up his fierce muscles I'm sure! [sarcasm]. All was serene until he went over and picked up a couple of 50 lbs weights and started doing some arm work. You would think he was power lifting 900 lbs or something as he groaned and grunted and eventually dropped the weights on the floor like some crazed maniac. (Pulleazz, I could dead lift HIM HOLDING his little 50 lb weights. Pansy).

Guys and Gals, it's all fine and good to enjoy your workout and get pumped up, but these types of maneuvers, in my opinion, are COMPLETELY FOR ATTENTION. If you are like "Clop-Along Charlie", you have a TOTAL lack of concern for respect and serenity of your fellow gym-patrons, and you are a complete asshole. If I run into this problem with him or any other 'rude, crude and obnoxious' jack-asses, I am going to have a word with Gym management, and/or confront these morons myself.

Nobody is impressed by this type of behavior in the gym, and believe me, we're all thinking up many heinous forms of torture that we are dying to inflict upon you 'Charlie'... so you might think twice, and decide to show up, chill out and have a nice relaxed workout.

Sorry, I think I kind of went off track there, but this type of thing really pisses me off... Arrrgh!!! -End of Rant- Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.


Jay said...

The treadmills that they have at the gym here at my apt. complex have big "NO RUNNING" signs on them. They say they wear out too fast to let people run on them. Now if they would just put up a sign that said "NO FOX NEWS" on the big screen TV. LOL

Harry Melons is a very funny name.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

When I saw Harry melons I read Hairy melons.

Some people should give up running. The hurt themselves more than help.

Further on up the road said...

Hey I read Hairy Melons as well... weird!

Look I don't need this I currently give a £20 ($40) donnation to the work gym as I hardly ever go (about once in the last 12 months) and I ought to do more. Posts like this don't encourage me... :-)

I don't run in the gym anyway - when I run I rapidly begin to notice that my left arm and leg seem to flip out and the more I think of this the worse it gets. In no time I look a total gimbo on the bloody thing and I'm sure people are thinking I've just escaped from some instituion. The rowing and cycling are much better for me. I sweat way too much though - I just look a mess in the gym frankly!!!

Anonymous said...

Yew jist hush!

Real Live Lesbian said...

You TOTALLY should have "accidentally" squirted Clop-along! I would love to see that!

I'm so glad my melons aren't...but I know "some" girls that have 'em!

Tink said...


>>And if your name is Harry Melons, and you are reading this because you Google yourself too much, and you're angry because I'm making fun of your name, lighten up.<<

-cracked my ass up.

The rest of the post just made me realize what a lazy bum I am.