Oooh I'm battling it this week, bouts of sadness and really really missing my Dad. (It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to). Going home is so hard these days, but I am still struggling and trying to get down when I can, and trying to balance that (caretaking of mom) with trying to maintain a non-insanity-increasing life.
Notice I didn't say 'non-insanity causing', there's no denying the certain amount of damage that's already been done in my life thus far.
As usual, various moods bring certain songs into my mind, and today, this one is it... Bet you know it, like it and probably just haven't heard it in a while. Here, give it a listen! The Vogues - Five O'Clock World
For those who enjoy a more country sound, check out This Version by Hal Ketchum. Reminds me of Daddy, and that's why I like it I guess.
At any rate, I'm barely waking up in the morning, dragging myself out of bed and trying to have some resemblance of a life, but it's so hard. Working this 8 to 5, every day, trudging along. Just trying to make ends meet, and keep everything moving and afloat, along with scraping for things that make me smile... it's a challenge. I don't care what you say or think about that, It's just totally true for me right now. I paint on my social smile, and grin and bear it, but all the while I sink my head back into a deep soft pillow of memories and feelings and dreams that I just wish I could capture once more.
Where is that electric, wonderful exciting feeling of hope that we had in youth?? There's nothing like it. I just want it back.
The only things that really make me feel a boost of goodness are music and my motorcycle (and of course evil sugar-coated chocolate, damn it!)
In other news, people out in the world continue having increased levels of assholiness, greed and avarice. They're in such a hurry, speeding by. If you delay them even for 2 seconds, it's like you've started World War III. Where are they going and why are they in such a hurry to get there?? I do not care to race, I'm just trying to enjoy the spring weather and get a little sunshine and make it in once piece. I just wish everyone would go away and leave me alone... bunch of assholes.
So presently, my goals are to continue trying to get some grip on my fitness routine, which has been sliding back and forth so terribly lately, and to work on a few new projects and ideas that I have been mulling over. Just a few things that I feel compelled to add to my need-to-do-list.
If I can just accomplish a few things, maybe I will be on my way to feeling...
well, feeling something again... besides