Tuesday, July 22, 2008

How To Handle Mean Drivers?

Well, well... hope your day is going very nicely! Our summer heat is still in full force lately, and I can tell my air conditioner has a hard time keeping up. We have shut a couple of the doors, and closed off vents in hopes that the other rooms will be a little cooler. Hell, my folks grew up without air conditioning, and they lived! Of course, we're all spoiled brats these days, and I swear it is hotter than ever.

Sorry to report that this week we aren't having a WWC due to the recent death in Tink's fiancee's family. She's just extended last week's, I think, and we'll resume next week!

Still keep them in your thoughts please, because as we all know, losing someone is always hard, and it never gets easier. But you learn how to cope, and live, and move forward... I know though, that there is always a big empty spot. Also you should know that these loved ones will always be with you, but you have to pay attention, and be open to the little things. :)

So instead of the WWC, I will provide at least a bit of entertainment.

Small Summer Road Rager

I found this article when I clicked up on the weather site, just checking the temps and conditions. I guess they equate some of the hot temperatures with road rage, and mean drivers. This can contribute to the phenomenon, no lie. However, in Memphis, as I have said before, it doesn't have to hit 100 degrees to witness assholes on wheels.

How to handle them?? There are several ways. However, I had to laugh a little when the 'safe driving' article suggested these very calm ways of dealing with the 'meanie' in the next vehicle. I don't know that I could actually handle it the 'tame' way that they suggest.

Here's what they say: My response to this is in red.

Common aggressive driving behaviors

  • Running stop signs and red lights
  • Speeding, tailgating, and weaving between lanes
  • Passing on the right of a vehicle
  • Making inappropriate hand and facial gestures
  • Screaming, honking the horn, and flashing headlights
(Come to Memphis and see--the above is NOT all that these freaks do!!!)

If you are confronted by an aggressive driver, or witness aggressive driving behavior, follow these guidelines:

  • Make every attempt to safely move out of the aggressive driver's way. Yeah, come on buddy!
  • Do not challenge an aggressive driver by speeding up or attempting to "hold your own" in the travel lane. Let's do this!! You think you're gonna get ahead of me?? If you can fit into this tiny space I just squeezed between me and the driver in front of me, then more power to ya! What?? I didn't think so... Move along @$$wipe.
  • Always wear your seat belt-not only will it hold you in your seat and behind the wheel in case you need to make an abrupt driving maneuver, but it will also protect you in a crash. That seat belt, yeah. I never drive without it. Just in case I need to chase that M&&%%er down and teach him about a little 'road etiquette'. Come on bad boy!
  • Avoid eye contact with the aggressive driver. What?? You lookin at me?? Come on with it shit head! Yeah, I'm talkin to YOU!!! (points with middle finger)
  • Ignore gestures, and refuse to return them. (signing with hands, various obscene gestures) You **beep beep beep with a beeping beep beeper!! Beep my beep-a-beeping beeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!**
  • Report aggressive drivers to the appropriate authorities by providing a vehicle description, license number, location, and if possible, direction of travel. I got yo' appropriate authorities RIGHT HERE M&%&#!#er!!! Yeahhh!!!
  • If you have a cellular phone, and can use it while driving safely, call the police. Many have special numbers such as 9-1-1. See this cellphone?!?! Yeah! I'm about to make an emergency phonecall right up your Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!
  • If an aggressive driver is involved in a crash farther down the road, stop at a safe distance from the crash scene, wait for the police to arrive, and report the driving behavior that you witnessed. ((Car screeching to a halt)). NOW!!! SEE??? Yeah, you finally got what you deserved you miserable bleeping bleeeeeep!!! See if you drive like that and cut out in front of somebody else again. Burn in Helll M&&$$&$&@##AHHHH!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH TAKE THAT!! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Various obscene gestures being made at person who got theirs as you screech off laughing).

My name is Aunt Jackie and I approve this message.

6 comments:

JINKS said...

Auntie:

I keep imagining that small road rager going "off". lol

Aunt Jackie said...

That would be funny huh?? Kind of like "Pearl the Landlord"??

Jay said...

Weird that they left "flip aggressive driver off" off the list. Not to mention "get out Glock 9mm and wave it at aggressive driver." I'm thinking that advice on that list won't help at all. ;-)

Nothingman said...

AJ...your header rocks!! :)

I believe all cars should be allowed to be fitted with bazookas, flamethrowers and machine guns.

THAT would be road rage :D

N

farmer dave said...

when iam on my bike and some driver cuts me up i normaly can catch up with the driver and i just extend my right leg and kick his or hers wing mirror off, it pisses them off makes me feel better and i get away scott free,

g-man said...

LOL, "and I approve this message" - Classic!

The last bit you forgot to tell the crashed driver "In your face stupid motherF@(&er!