It Ain't Fair

August is quickly drawing to a close. We have only a few more short days left and September will breeze in, hopefully with a much-needed 'cool spell' to make up for such a hot month. September of course, is pretty much "Fair Time" around these parts. Remember Last Year's article on "Remembering The Mid-South Fair"? It covered much of what goes on at one of Memphis' biggest traditions. We used to get so excited about the Fair coming to town, and there was something for everybody. The food, of course, top notch! Fiddlesticks, unlimited meats on a stick, frozen bananas, Pronto Pups (corn dogs), and much more! Music, rides, exhibits. I really miss those days. With the close of Memphis' own Libertyland Theme Park, and the decline of most of the surrounding neighborhoods, the Fair lost its fizzle.

However, it has come to my attention we have a new kid in town... it's called the Delta Fair & Music Festival. It looks promising... and possibly hilarious! Food is the same, which is great. There are several musical acts, and events. The event that Most caught my attention, and I am sure you'll get a laugh out of, is the Redneck Olympics (as if we don't already get a bad enough rep down here!!). Redneck Olympics boasts several events, including "Bobbing for Pigs Feet", "Arm Pit Serenade" (my father will be sad to miss this one), the ever-classic "Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest" and "Toilet Seat HorseShoe". Of course, no Redneck contest would ever be complete without crowning one lucky couple "Mr. and Mrs. Redneck".


As with any public event, there are of course Rules... some of which haven't been announced yet, but I'm sure this will be a sight to see! In particular, the "Arm-Pit Serenade" rates contestants on musical skills pumping air through a damp hand beneath their underarm. (And you thought that when your sister taught you how to do this that you'd never have a chance to use it in your life??). It says in fact that the 12-year-old winner from 2000 squeezed out a recognizable rendition of "Dixie"... I am sorry I missed that. The winner of the Arm-Pit serenade will be judged on crowd response and general arm-pit talent.

Needless to say, I simply must make my way to this new fair and catch a glimpse of the true talent and dedication that our town has to offer... Makes it sound alot nicer when we say that Memphis is 'The Pits'! I tell you, thinking about it makes me 'happier than a tick on a fat dog'!!! Yeeee Haaaahh!

Click here to read more Southern Colloquialisms