Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I Wanna Go Home

Such a cold day today, unusually so after it was in the 60s only a few short days ago. Unusual, but not really for Memphis.

I'm feeling homesick again, which is something that usually only people thousands of miles away from their home and family feel. People on business trips overseas, or people traveling thousands of miles, or those who are at war while their loved ones are at home. Not me, I am only 30 minutes away from my parents, and still somehow I feel a universe away from "home" today.

Everything occurs to me through music, and scents and my senses. I'm daydreaming of the drifting years, and how being 15 myself just doesn't seem like more than two days ago. Much the same as it having been so warm just over the weekend, but now a frigid 28 degrees (F)... It's just how fast life is passing. I Thought about my old classmates, how most of them are 'all grown up' with children, children who are now as old as I still feel. Old loves, who have children maybe now only 4 years younger than the me I was when I met and 'almost married their father'.

Daydreaming... a vision in fog of the noisy buzz in the halls of our schools, changing classes and passing notes to friends, distant music playing somewhere. Vague sensations of watching the clock, waiting for that bell to ring and the taste of mediocre (at best) lunches in the school cafeteria... High School, of course, being one of the most tormented times of life, but a bittersweet longing to still have time on our side... in whatever form.

The long and dreaded days of catching a school bus, one in fact driven by my Mother-who forced me to ride her route until I could escape its wrath in the safety-net of my 77 Chevrolet Impala (pale blue, with only an AM radio and just enough room to fit 6 linebackers, if you did your math right).

Proms that sucked because I didn't have a date, or because the date I had reeked of body odor and bad cologne... But just knowing it would get better and having so much time left (forever indeed) because Mom & Dad "said so" and told us that we had our whole lives ahead of us and had so much to look forward to...

Most of all waking up in the early morning to the tune of Mom's shrill voice beckoning me to wake up so I wouldn't be late, and telling me to 'make my bed' and hearing her skillet roaring with breakfast, smelling her coffeepot brewing, and the crickets and the birds and sounds of paradise... of home.

I close my eyes and wonder if I just concentrate hard enough, or if I believe this has all been a dream that I can wake up and start all over... retaining the knowledge I learned from this whole thing. Maybe just wake up, and be there again...

'(Is that coffee I smell? And biscuits?) Mom, please... let me sleep for just 5 more minutes...'

'Jackie!!! Time to get up... now, not in five minutes! Wake up... NOWWWW'

{ Ahhhhhh... it's good to be home again }


RockDog said...

Aside from being homesick, that post was really nice! I can relate to the feeling of still being in high school...until I actually say my age outload. Then it all comes rushing straight at me that the years have flown by! Very nice post!

chelly said...

Sweet Aunt Jackie, this post was pure gold. I literally could smell those biscuits and hear the sound of your mom's skillet. I feel the same way about my highschool memories. It seems just like yesterday.

PS: my word verification is "lavoys" this time round!

drunk punk said...

I'll be homesick when the dragon ain't there. I can smell the biscuits n all....