Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Chapter 5 - We're On The Highway To Hell

My thoughts ran wild the week following the big Inkwell gig. I was a cat, prowling and working on the strategy for my next move. Indeed however, work beckoned and I was staring at a long week ahead of me. Of course, I enlisted the equally expert plotting skills of my "best mate" Tamra... after all, an evil duo can't go around just 50% evil. So, on I worked, impatiently awaiting the weekend, when I would undoubtedly have my chance to proceed with "Operation Free Willy". I'm just kidding, I didn't call it that. Hey! I'm a nice girl, remember? {*snickers*}

"EOU" was having a show in Nashville as it turned out, so that sounded like our golden ticket. We immediately got on the horn and put our heads together to get a little group on board to go. LDP's other guitarist, and long-time friend of Rich's, Gray (the owner of the Yukon) would be key if we wanted a vehicle to accommodate a group. So we spoke with Gray, who already knew EOU was playing in Nashville, and said 'Well, hey-find out who all wants to go, and let's ride up and catch their gig.' I mean, it's always supportive to go check out any local band's gigs, and as most of these people grew up together, they always went when they could.

We gathered together a nice handful of folks, of course to include Rich, who were going to hit the highway for our little 'road trip'. From Memphis, it takes about 3 1/2 hours or so to get to Nashville. We gathered over at the Legion house, and everyone piled into the Yukon. Gray drove of course, and I think Adam sat in front with him, Tamra and I crammed into the middle and Rich rode in the back with his crazy friend, Matt (the inventor of several creative 'moons', and the one you remember I told you would do nearly anything).

So, the seating arrangement wasn't quite what I had planned on, because one other thing that I hadn't counted on was that Billy would be tagging along. Yeah that's right. Prince Albert himself.

(Semi-panic on my part, 'Great, just great. I've been trying to lay low and escape this, and now here he is! This is going to put a dent in my plans for sure. How will I evade this whole Billy-situation? Think! Think!!! Alright, calm down Jackie-just relax and ignore him as much as possible. Don't make much eye contact, be as detached and disinterested as possible. He'll get the picture.')

The problem was that we had a nice long ride ahead of us, and I was sitting right next to Billy, the same guy who just a couple weeks ago, I was heavily busting slobs with. I'm sure he thought this was his lucky night... well, he's going to be sorely disappointed! Feeling nauseated as we cranked up and began our weekend journey, I stiffly sat squished next to Billy, trying to relax, trying not to say much. Luckily, Gray cranked the radio up and we were all jamming to the music.

As we progressed down the highway, we ran across a fantastic Metal show that was playing some of everyone's favorite old school as well as newer metal. They played Sabbath, Napalm Death, maybe Sepultura, Slayer, and tons more! This was turning out o.k. after all. Once in a while, I would look back and try to focus my attentions on Rich, in the back of the Yukon being ridiculously silly with Matt. Laugh, flirt (inconspicuously) and just let him know that I was paying attention to everything that was going on back there... Still, my energies were being somewhat blocked by Billy.

When we finally arrived in Nashville, everyone piled out of the Yukon, stretched and headed in to the gig, checked out some merchandise that they had for sale. Rich and Matt bought a butt load of cheap CDs by bands they'd never even heard of, some samplers and such. Tamra and I browsed around, went over and hung out around EOU, harassing "Totty" as we usually would-it was so easy to do [especially, since this was the exact night that his oh-so-long, and flowing mane got twisted up in his bass guitar, causing us much jubilation]. The band got well into their gig, the music was loud, heavy and fast... quite a good show. I made sure that I hung out in Rich's vicinity as much as I could get away with throughout the evening, playing with his hair, flirting, letting him know that last weekend wasn't just his imagination. All the while, Billy is looking none-too-pleased, but I didn't really give it much more thought.

When the show was over, we hung out some in the parking lot visiting with the others for a while. Billy seemed to be at my side, complimenting, chatting with me and seemed as though he took it for granted that we were "together" that evening, but I was on a whole different page. I continued my pursuit of all things Rich.

A short while later as we were on our way back to good ol' Memphis, we stopped off at a gas station. As you can imagine, most everyone was full of beer and in dire need of well past midnight snacks, taking us all out of the Yukon one last time. "Great! This will be the perfect time to re-group!" I think to myself. I grabbed a beverage in the convenience store, and zero in on Rich, who has just come out of the John... I'm playfully picking at him and zero in on rubbing his nearly-shaven head once again, which I had discovered was a good point of interest (Always did like shaved heads). He seemed to enjoy the attention immensely.

"Alright, that's it!" he proclaims, "You're gonna have to do that all the way back home... Change of seating arrangement!!!"

I grin slyly with the inner knowledge that I have successfully turned this whole situation around, and also because I have figured out a way to escape sitting next to Billy for the rest of the ride home. We still had a good couple of hours before we would be near Memphis, so I spent my time wisely. The seating arrangement had changed in such a way that now it was Rich and I who had the whole back section of the Yukon to ourselves. Matt had switched out and, and poor Tamra was cornered in the center between Billy and Matt. She was fine though, because my tough gal pal is a force to be reckoned with--always able to take care of herself... I knew she would not take any shit off the two. ;)

[Note to Family Members: Close your eyes while reading this, or promise not to think ill of me, and Vickie you BETTER not tell DADDY! Hey, we're all grown ups though so read on if you must. If you choose not to read on, which I would prefer, then just know that Richie and I ended up together. The End]

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my little semi-isolated arrangement with Rich. He's still soaking up the attention and milking the whole 'head rub' for all its worth... I turn the head rub into a more extensive massage, which turns into some kissing, petting, you know... all that. I don't want to turn this into some erotic nightmare of a story, but the following is a key part that must be included. While kissing, holding hands and all I take Rich's hands and begin to massage his palms just enjoying the moment basically. Just then, I focus in on his left hand (which is his main hand-yes that's right, a "lefty") and put his middle finger in my mouth just to tease him and send his imagination running wild... I catch eye contact with him, and notice that he looks plenty happy about this development.

Just then, he says something earth shattering. Something that no woman in the universe would be able to resist. Yes, we've heard em' all... the magnificent, 'sure-to-score' lines that have been spewed our way such as 'You come here often?' and 'What's your sign?' and 'I love your dress! It would look so great on my bedroom floor.' Even 'Did it hurt?' (what?) 'When you fell down from Heaven?' Oh, I joke and make fun of these cheesy lines (some of which you may have used, or maybe you've never heard yourself), but to hear a line so original, so creative... I was truly amazed. In fact, if he hadn't said this golden phrase, it might have changed the course of existence as we all know it! That's right, the whole entire course of history.

Yes, as his finger was surrounded by my calculating lips, we locked eyes, hearts pounding to the chaotic energy of this perfect, refined magical romantic moment... and he says...

Get ready for this... wait for it... here goes...

Sure you're ready? {drum roll please}

"Can I put more than a finger in there?"

At that moment, running through my head were so many things. I wanted to keel over laughing, I wanted to jump out the back of the Yukon and roll off the interstate with laughter, but it was such a perfect line! How has no man ever thought of this suave, sophisticated way of putting it before? [Alas, Richie is a man of few words, but when he does say something, you can rest assured that it is something just that monumental and noteworthy-nearly every time! He's a true original].

One might think this could've caused me to go and bolt from the Yukon the minute we hit the driveway, never to return again. Then again, maybe you're wondering if the line worked at all? I will surely leave the rest to your mischievous little imaginations, because I know you can give the rest of the evening so much more pizazz than I ever could. But as you see, he is in-fact, "Mr. J". We just celebrated our fifth anniversary this past December.

Yeah, like I said Mr. J makes the whole world brighter, what-with his big smile, his hearty laugh, his 'sure-fire lines', and the fact that he rarely takes ANYTHING seriously. It really is the only way to survive this 'Highway to Hell' we affectionately call "Life".

If only he were house-trained! ;)


Steven Novak said...


I like that line...

I'm gonna steal it. ;)


RockDog said...

BAMM! That totally delivered the goods! He's the man! Sounds like a shaved southern version of me or my cohorts from the past!

Aunt Jackie said...

Steven, if you use it wisely you should make great headway ;)

lol Rock! I am glad you (both) liked the ending there... Yes, he'd probably have gotten along just fine with 'y'all'

Chelly said...

Yay, for part five! That was quite a build up and you didn't disappoint us. Good "job" AJ.

What's Nana going to say? Hmmm.... :)

Aunt Jackie said...

Ahh good one Chelly! lol

Nana, well she's a big girl... She's not so innocent herself!

I'm sure she'll threaten to 'tell daddy' though.

captain corky said...

Excellent set up and delivery! Great Job Jackie!

Aunt Jackie said...

Yeah, now don't you all need a cigarette after that?? Hehe

Nana said...

I'm telling DADDY.................Oh yeah I am going to get some mileage out of this one!!!

Kristie said...

I'll never look at Richie the same way again!