Time to do the after-Easter feelings purge. I enjoyed going to Mom and Dad's, of course, I always do. However, it is stressful in a lot of ways. It seems like Mom and I always end up on the "What's going to happen once your Dad and I are gone" conversation, which I hate and dread, but I know that I have to be an "adult" and keep my head and make some decisions and hear her out. Still, it sucks nonetheless. Then there is Dad's current 'altered state of consciousness'. By that, I mean he's just in his own little world. He gets these weird thoughts in his head, and says all kinds of weird stuff now. He obsesses over certain things too... like if he gets an idea in his head, that's all he thinks about.
Currently (well for a while really), he has been completely obsessed with the idea that I should be on "The Grand Ole Opry". He thinks I should go there and sing the song "Daddy's Hands" by Holly Dunn, which I did for him on a recording once when my friend Kim and I went to Nashville for a weekend trip (a long time ago). He went into details telling me that I have to get there by 8:00--or rather, they opened the doors at 6:00, and go on by 8:00 I think, and that they will give me an instrument and provide an outfit as well.
Where this information comes from, I'm not entirely sure. Does he dream it up? Does he think that he knows it and is just making it up as he goes along? Is it coming from some other strange brain damage we're not aware of? Or is he continually having 'mini strokes' or something? It's scary to me.
Normally, I would be annoyed and sigh and tell him to stop bugging me about the Grand Ole Opry because I am not going to be a country singer and he should stop trying to rule my music tastes. But since the situation is different now, and the tables have turned, I am more the 'adult', and he's more of a child who doesn't think of normal things anymore... I can't really say anything to him. I can only sit back and try to agree, and do what I can to allow him to be happy. After all, he deserves that right?? He's lived over 80 years now and that has to account for something.
I have even entertained the idea of getting some friends with video equipment, and get some fellow musicians together (that are willing to assist), and making a "Staged Grand Ole Opry" and pretending that I really did it, then giving him the DVD... If he thinks it then maybe he can be happy. Once he said, "I wish you would go to the Grand Ole Opry before I die".
How on earth am I supposed to grin and bear all this talk of death and morbidity with a smile on my face?? Between Dad and his fuzzy pink Country Music star fantasies, and Mom and the Living Will Sessions, I feel like screaming sometimes. Then what do I do?? I go on my lunch break to Elmwood Cemetery to relax?? WTF?!? I have to admit it is relaxing for me (and I took a few photos again at lunch working towards tomorrow's WWC, for keywords "Junk" and "Treasure").
I know that death is a part of life, but it doesn't make things any easier to take. As the baby of the family, I never quite managed to, or even wanted to grow up. In fact, I still don't really intend on the "growing up" part, but it looks like I am going to have to pretend... Pretend. I can do that, I've been playing imaginary games and "Tend'n like" since we were small children. If I have my doubts, I will just look for council in the minds of our small youth, they have all the big answers to life's questions anyway.
So this morning, I awoke to another Monday trying to look forward to attempts to solve the week's issues. I have a few things that I MUST resolve this week, no lie. Gonna put one foot in front of the other until the mission is complete. Yeah, 'Jaxxx' has gotta "TCB". That's all I can do. No reason to worry about things I have no control over, if I do then I fear this egg will surely crack... Let's be honest, nobody wants to see that. ;)