Where Is My Mind

I woke up feeling so groggy this morning. A day after if you will. I'm so tired. I Feel Like Singing...

With your feet in the air
and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it,
yeah Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?

Way out in the water
See it swimmin
I was swimmin in the carribean
Animals were hiding behind the rock
Except the little fish
But they told me,
he swears
Tryin to talk to me
koi koy
Where is my mind?

You see, yesterday was my Dad's birthday. He would have been 82 years old. It was the first time in my entire life that we did not go home and celebrate Daddy's birthday.

Daddy loved his birthdays and his Fathers Days... and every day that he got to spend "looting up" on gifts and enjoying time with the love of his life (Mom) and his children. We always looked forward to the same with them.

My cousin Gary also shares a birthday with my Father... August 29th. There have been get-togethers in the past where they celebrated together. One of those was only a few years ago.

Ahhh celebrations past.

Yesterday, Gary's daughters had planned a big "50th" birthday party for them. We were invited, so I drove my aunt and my mother there, Mr. J joined us. I took my camera and did my best to keep my smile charged up while capturing the lovely moments and memories for a family who still has both their parents... who has yet to meet the fork in the road where you have to bid your closest travel mates goodbye.

Mom did the best she could too, but I could tell how much she was hurting on the inside... wishing she was still home making the day special for our Dad... we were hurting on the inside too, my sister and I... It never goes away... it just gets more distant.

Birthdays mean nothing anymore to those who have passed on, they are celebrating for other more beautiful reasons now than being born into a world like this one. They are whole again and although they celebrate now, it is not in the same traditions as we still carry on in their name. They remember when reminded by our grief. It's not something I want to continue, but this human state that I am in makes the conditions more favorable for grief, loneliness, pain and to a degree some materialism.

I've said it before, I'm a work in progress... we all are.

So, even though he probably wished he could 'get it through our thick skulls' that he was indeed having a great birthday and he really was there to celebrate with us, and right there in our hearts, we went on surrounded by the fog and honored the date, in our own ways.

Therefore, I will just say a quick and quiet "Happy Birthday Daddy"... you know we love you and miss you every second and will see you one of these days. We're comforted by the many, many birthdays and special occasions though in the meantime in which you made our lives so magical and special.

Yes, with my feet in the air
and head on the ground
I asked myself again
Where is my mind?