Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What I Am

I used to feel like a bad assed bitch. I really did. Doesn't seem like such a long time ago. But nowadays I feel so empty inside about so many things. I manage to fake myself through my daily grind, but deep down I miss the person I was inside and outside a few years back.

When I listen to all of the songs, they give me glimmer of hope and a spark of what was, and I miss my youth terribly and feel sick to my stomach.

The fault is all my own. I have been lazy and afraid of change. I have lost my ability to be spontaneous and enjoy life for what it is worth, day to day. My philosophies about it, and my desires about it haven't changed. Way deep down, I am still the same person, but I can't seem to reach her, or break out and be free.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Still trying to play catch up and make the time to get around to everyone's blogs and see what's going on. I am sorry for being so absent lately. I am trying...

Feeling down all of a sudden, sorry.


Scarlet said...

Who hasn't been where you are? It's a matter of pushing on and finding inspiration, learning something new, falling in love again. I wish you all of these things. :)

Chelly said...

The feeling will pass Jax, it always does. Keep being your creative, funny and loving self, and you will come out even stronger.


Gramps said...

Hang in there. And drink some beer.

BBC said...

I used to be bad ass also hon, a peaceful one but maybe that is beside the point?

As we get older it's hopeful that we mellow out some, and I have. It's just a phase you are going through, it will be okay.

Go camping, that's what I do, I love camping.

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...

Thanks Scarlet... I think women just go through pains about things that men don't and can't understand.

Chells, thanks I know. I just want a solution to this time problem. :)

Gramps, I just don't dig beer... I leave that to my alkie husband... but thanks!

BBC,I don't see any reason to mellow out completely, I am like my Dad in many ways. He was a great, responsible man who loved his family very much, but could still see the humor in life, and was wise enough to always remain a child at heart. That's me.

I am always growing, learning and hopefully ascending to my highest purpose, but that's MY journey, my path... we all have a different one.

Camping, unless it is cold outside, is not my bag. It doesn't solve my problems... I like the mountains and I like Hot Springs, and nature, but I dislike bugs and smelling like a bum.


kcinnova said...

It sounds to me like you could use a nice long motorcycle ride.

g-man said...

We all go through that once in a while, or at least I do, it will pass. I'm with kcinnova, a long ride couldn't hurt :)