Now Hero This! (Ask AJ)

Gahd, I'm sorry. I nearly forgot to answer these... lol I beg and beg y'all to submit me some "Ask AJ" thingys and then I go and fuggitabouttit... Well o.k., here I am doing a post JUST for you (my blogging heroes) who have been kind enough to indulge a crazy southern girl in her flights of fancy.

Just a quick note, the Weekly Words Challenge is coming up later in the day... I'm such a procrastinating-photographer... I will call myself a photocrastinator!! Yeah me.

Anyways, on to the Ask AJs.

This first one comes from the delightful FuriousBall!

furiousBall said...

Dear AJ,

Is it true that elephants have automatic thrusters on their weiners?

Love,

furiousBall

Well, furious. In my extensive experience with elephant weiners, they have had to work awful hard to get those jokers going. I mean they're the size of, like, a 'husky' kindergartner's leg and all, so you got that whole gravity thing going on, plus although elephants themselves have good memories, they are still quite lazy and some don't even care if they thrust or not.

But the truth is that there is such a contraption as this "automatic thruster" that you speak of, but it's one of those secret cosmetic surgery procedures that some of the more 'well off' elephants indulge in, you know like Donald Trunk. The less fortunate members (no pun intended) of the pachyderm community simply have to make do with just being well... well hung like ummm, er... hung like an elephant I guess. ;)

Love, AJ

Now this next one comes from another fine guitar hero, Furtheron!

Furtheron said...

Dear AJ,

What is the longest time you've ever gone without going to the toilet?

Best Wishes,
Furtheron

Well Furtheron,

I have quite the bladder it would seem. I can sometimes sit for hours and work without having to pop up and go eliminate the darn thing.

As I have an aversion to a great deal of public toilets too, and seem to be growing even more 'O.C.D.' in my old age, I'm getting even worse (or better at that if you think of it).

Most recently, however, when we went to the Helena Bike Fest, and they had those disgusting outdoor frikkin johns that they provide for every festival-patron to take a piss in, I held my stream all night long. We arrived well before dark, and I hadn't been since probably the early afternoon, stayed there all night until about 5:30 a.m. when I finally got desperate and went behind someone's camper next to a pick-up truck. So I guess that would make it about 14-15 hours? And I think I pissed on my biker boots a little. :(

Hope you are impressed!

Love, AJ


Our final question du jour comes from the magnanimous G-man!

g-man said...

Dear AJ,

Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction while on stage?

Sinnncerely,

g-man

(ok, he didn't have a complimentary close on his, so I added that myself lol)

Well g-man,

I wish I could tell an awe-striking, funny story about the one time that my bra pulled a Jedi maneuver and flew out of my still buttoned see-through shirt, popping a female patron in the eye, thus making her angry enough to come onstage and pick a fight with me. It would also be cool to say that they had a mud pit in this particular club where they frequently held mud wrestling sessions and that in our angry and intense brawl we accidentally fell into the mud pit and began very heated, impromptu mud-match ending with me winning $500.00 and realizing that the girl was none other than Charlize Theron herself, and she gave me her phone number and told me to call when I wanted a rematch or whatever...

Those things would be cool to be able to write especially to fuel the imagination of the male readers of this blog, but unfortunately I don't have any such story to tell.

Sorry to disappoint you...

Love, AJ

If you'd like to submit something for me to tackle on "Ask AJ", you can comment it or email me at auntiejac@gmail.com. I have great fun answering!