Deep In The Forrest

Oh goody! It's nearly 2012 so you know what that means, we get to look forward to another year with people obsessed about doomsday prophecies and all that cool jazz. I'm interested to see how much crazier people can get about these things. In the meantime, however we have to keep working on our own destinies... one moment at a time, right? If we get a new moment, then we make the best of it and keep climbing and trying, not driving and crying... lol. Anyway, Christmas? I survived... I'm just very glad it is over. Now I just hope I can finally see some progress and work on more good things about myself this year. It's time for change, and I mean more than just that stupid crap that refuses to come out of the vending machine. In honor of the new year that we are looking towards, I will interject a word about Resolutions... I don't do them. That's my resolution... I resolve not to make resolutions... so instead, I offer some alternative "affirmations...

Speaks for itself, so I don't really need to type out some overly-wordy blog post today... Holidays suck way more when you're alone.

We're really staring straight down the barrel of Christmas now, it's a four-day week and then we are off Friday and Monday for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have no pepped up feelings about the holidays at all. Mostly, I just feel dread, as I have to go home to Mom's house and as much as it pains me to say that I can't really enjoy visiting Moms because it's so depressing, but I HAVE to go because if I didn't she would fall apart with sadness, and nobody else will go see her at all, except on holidays, so I'm really the only person she sees except her Wednesday appointments with her sister to get her hair done, Ms. Billingsley down the road and the church folks. I have to admit that it hurts me to think about it, makes me pretty glad I don't have children in a way. Because you love and devote your life to your family, then you get 70something or whatever and they all go off and have their own lives and don't come check on you or just come in f...

You know, the more I live and learn about people, the more I confidently say that Stupidity is a sexually transmitted disease. Many people who have no business having children just keep spreading it like crazy... I know that sounds a little cynical and inhumane, but hey the truth when told really "smarts" sometimes. One thing that I can't help but wonder is why the biggest idiots are always the ones opening their mouths and trying to show off, acting like they have all the answers. Sometimes you really do want to smack them in the mouth and scream, "Hey Stupid!! Shut the Hell up, and save some oxygen for the people with half a brain!" They make themselves look so much more asinine when they insist on basting us in their verbal vomit than if they could just sit back in silence, giving everyone's ears a break from their incessant aural assault. Then regarding their brainlessness? None would be the wiser! Lately, I suppose I have just had my fill of t...

I t's been a tiring week, and I'm so glad to see Friday. I've been thinking hard on all the ways I need to work on myself and improve for this coming year. It's time for positive changes and I have got to get myself moving in more productive directions all the way around. I want to focus on my art work, maybe begin writing a book, and get my personal life out of the running for 'The Jerry Springer Show". I just want to feel relaxed and peaceful again. I'm ready! Now, nobody bitch me out, I am not blaming anyone but myself. This is a personal vendetta with ME, BY Me just stating my own lament and taking responsibility for said circumstance. This is a good thing. It means that I own up to it, and I'm ready to take my power back, get in the driver's seat and really go where I want to go. We waste so much time on people who don't deserve it, efforts that bring no reward or offer anything of value to the world we live in, and just spend to much t...

Recently, I picked up an old book I haven't read in a while by one of my favorite authors, Richard Bach entitled "The Bridge Across Forever". The pages yellowed with age, and old bookmarks playing acrobatics in and out of the pages, I read through the pages as if reading them for the first time all over again. This in part because it has been so long since I actually read it, but I think that no matter how many times you read a book, you will always find something new, a message meant for just you, at exactly the right time. "For the Love Of Story Time!" That is the beauty of the written word, you can settle yourself in to your favorite nook or cranny, ball up next to a fire with your cup of hot cocoa, and not be disturbed as you slip into a completely different dimension, another world all its own with people, ideas and possibilities you never gave thought to before. So, you escape, shutting the noise and the chaos of this tired existence out for a while...

It has been continually dreary since I put together my little "rain" playlist before the Thanksgiving holiday. Well with the exception of a couple of spots of sun shining through, it's been overcast, cloudy and cold. We actually had a bit of rain/snow mix last night and this morning. I'm also battling a cold I suppose, and since I had taken a couple of extra vacation days I guess it worked itself out. I hope I get over it quickly though, being sick sucks. Thanksgiving came and went, and I'm trying to think towards the Christmas holidays, but fact is, last year I had a lot more perky feelings of hope, but we're hanging in there... me that is, and all of my "personalities" ha-ha. So having recently cleaned the wood-burning heater, and gotten it primed for winter, last night we built a nice fire. I've been trying to keep one going today as well, since the temperatures haven't risen very high. I just can't believe that the year has zipped...

It is the day before Thanksgiving, and the feelings of holiday dread are beginning to creep in. I tried to remain perked up and find things to keep me on a positive note, but I must admit that I'm feeling just plain Melancholy right about now. I guess it's a kind of emptiness, or loneliness that comes with the season for me. Sometimes, although you will rarely hear me admit this, I envy friends, family and colleagues who have their normal homes and their normal families (with children) to go home to, they get a "security" that I don't get. Guess sometimes I would rewind if I could and make different choices. In fact, if I could go back some years knowing what I know now, I would definitely do some switching up and changing lanes... We know that we're in this exact 'time and place' and situation for a reason, though, but that doesn't make the medicine any easier to swallow. I do hope to get another chance at real happiness and fulfillment, I r...

The last couple of days here in Memphis have been rainy, so the streets are aglitter with the shimmery oil drippings of the commuters' vehicles, and chemicals of many colors, all so beautiful in their toxicity. "How", we think "can pollution look so lovely?" Rain, oh relaxing lullaby drizzling down, how you do remind me of my childhood. How safe we felt in the protection of our home and family... the lucky ones of us, I say as I'm sure that the rain may at this very moment reminding someone less fortunate than myself of other, darker childhood memories. The memory floods back into my mind of a cool, misty morning... the rain was pouring down as my Mother made our way safely to the elementary school. There was something that comforted me, knowing that our classrooms would be dim as we watched the windows, painted with the blur of the colors outside soaked in raindrops. The thunder and sounds of the storm gave me such a cozy feeling, as I...

Any Day In Memphis... T he commute in this morning was treacherous at best, as the Memphis drivers panicked in lieu of the torrential downpour that we awoke to. There are two directions I can basically choose to navigate on the Interstate in Memphis. I can hit I-55 heading North to the back side of I-240, or just stay straight going East on I-240. This morning, I-55 North was gridlocked, so I remained heading east with the rain making for a touch and go drive, the idiot in front of me riding the bumper of the guy in front of him, and constantly hitting his brakes. Basically, to save my sanity I resolved myself to going under the speed limit and letting the morning morons pass and get out of my sight. The other route had been full of accidents, and given the mass hysteria, there was not much opportunity for me to have a slice of the road to myself. So I crept along at a hearty pace of 5-10 mph until we reached an area that loosened up a little. Despite some extremely admirable effor...

Smell Ye The Roses! Here at work today, we are having our office Thanksgiving dinner spread. I opted to bring Dolmas (greek "grape leaves"), which are usually a hit. As I made myself responsible for the Grape Leaves, this prompted me to create an entire greek spread for last night's dinner. So I put together Gyros, Dolmas, Tabouleh, Hummus, and this little Olives/Feta cheese mixture which is kind of a side you can eat along with this... included some Goat Cheese crumbles. At any rate, it's something I like a lot that I haven't had in a while.  I'm just proud of myself for coming through on a bit of cooking. Usually, my motivation fails me. The coming year is one of a lot of work for me in the realm of personal growth and getting where I need to go spiritually and physically here too. Seriously, a lot of work, decision-making and moving forward hopefully to a life filled with much-deserved happiness for once. I can only try hard and cross my finge...

I was just reviewing the blog, and I have determined that if I want to get back into the swing of it, I may well benefit from a "facelift" on the blog, so I will redesign. I think I want to go back to something very simple and easier on the eyes... Stay tuned, I'll see what I can do. **Update** Ok, so I went ahead and went with another template, which was pretty simple and seemed to change the format a little bit, I think I like it for now... I think that the blue is nice, and that the white background with the black text is refreshing and much easier to read. This may be just the spark to get me rolling again on my writing and posting... So we'll see. Thanks to everyone who hovers around and anticipates a post from me. I'm going to try to get back to good ones. Well, it will be a mixture of good ones, and as we all know, some days are just small notes to mention how things are going... But becoming more regular, yes--I can. =)

We had the time change last weekend, and that always throws things off a bit. Although the fall is better because in essence, we actually get an hour back into our hot little hands. But what it does to the daylight I don't quite enjoy. It's already bright and shiny early in the morning, then by the time I get off work, the sun is nearly set or as it progresses, the sun is down completely. Yep, I'm just bitching about what I don't like about it... feel free to rag me (I know some of you who have nothing better to do will). So I have said time and time again that I was gonna get back on track and blog more often... Have you guys totally given up on me? I haven't. I may get beat up, stomped down, and shaken up but I never give up. I know that eventually (maybe even this very moment) I will get back in the swing of daily writing.a BBC suggested I pick a day that I do like and blog that day... well, I don't really have a favorite day. I can really kinda bitch about e...

Short story today, it's Monday, I've been busy. The weekend was okay, went to the Casino mainly to see a band with my friend Glenda, didn't gamble, just ate at Bally's. Saturday night went to see "The Help" with my BFF, Tamra, good movie, I liked it anyway, thought it was a little crowded for my "unibomber" taste. :) Then Sunday went to a sort of Wake for one of the members of our Motorcycle Riding group who passed away this past Thursday, so that was of course a downer, but he was suffering, and I'm glad he's in a better place. Sunday night of course it was True Blood before bed, then a hard nights rest, before waking to yet another week of the grind. No related music video to include today, nothing really comes to me. :) Later on... AJ

From time-to-time, I get all nostalgic and make music mixes and sometimes I find myself stuck in the 80s, a time when it was simple and still magical (for me at least, I don't need to know the cynical time it was for anyone else). So I was making my friend Glenda an "Ultimate 80s Mix" the other day, and I found myself including the song "Midnight Blue" by Lou Gramm. I listened in to the words, and they were pretty cool. Ain't got no regrets And I ain't losin' track Of which way I'm going Ain't gonna double back Don't want no misplay Put on no display An angel? No! But I know my way I used follow Yeah, that's true. But my following days are over, Now I just gotta follow through I remember what my father said He said " Son Girl, life is simple" It's either cherry red or... Midnight Blue... Oh... Midnight Blue... Oh... You were the restless one And you did not care That I was the troubled boy ...

It's felt like a pretty long week, with the heat, I have not had a very easy time waking up in the mornings. Nonetheless, it's finally Friday! Guess you could say that I am doing an "okay" job of picking back up on the blog, even though I am merely posting a few scattered thoughts as I go along. Every day I learn to accept and love myself a little more, and more and enjoy the fact that the only person's opinion that matters about my thoughts, actions how I choose to live my life is ME. =) Video thought for the day, SHAKE YO HEAD !!!

The winds blow hot and ill in Memphis, the temps are literally at 99 - 101 degrees Fahrenheit (Heat Indices of 112-113+ notwithstanding). So we live our daily lives, trying not to pulverize one another, especially during times of road rage in our boiling, humid wonderland. Right now, it's early, and so quiet the only noise for me is the ticking sound of my own typing. This is the time of day that I have to cherish as quiet time for me is a super-rare commodity... Just don't get enough!! I sometimes wonder how we get ourselves into the situations we do, how our lives really come to this, and why some of us fell prey to the proverbial 'wrong turn at Albuquerque', as I always like to say. Seriously, is ANYONE out there as happy as they seem? I look around me and other people seem to have everything they want, or things just fall in their laps, their greatest desires come true. I, on the other hand feel like I am constantly on my knees with folded hands, begging. Sweeeeeeee...

Being the first of the month, I thought I'd give it a try, to start off the new month trying to write more. Maybe I can throw down a few thoughts, even if they're not "Novel Worthy", who says my blog posts have to be that earth shattering? It's just thoughts. No of course I can't voice my real mind here, but I can at least take the pressure off. 2011 has really zoomed by, and I swear I haven't made much progress on solving any of my issues, problems of the heart or made many positive changes. It's the 8th month of this year, and I'm still feeling about the same as I did on New Year's Eve when we started this joker. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of great days, and feel blessed and thankful for many experiences that make me smile and give my spirit true joy. They're not mine to keep though, they're not permanent, just temporary honeysuckle breezes, I have to inhale and commit them to memory so I can hold on to the feeling. I've...

I'm about to begin blogging again, and I'm working as we speak on a new post. It has been a busy week at work though so my efforts have continuously been thwarted. However, I ran across something today that inspired me, so I think I might find my inspiration to get back to writing more. It's not that I haven't wanted to, it's just been so hard to juggle creative time with everything that stifles me. I'm not really in a 'funk' any longer, I feel fine, I'm just taking things moment to moment. Apologies to those of you who have missed me or worried about me, and also Thank you. You're appreciated greatly. Now, please stay tuned. AJ will be right back after these messages...

In an effort to glean a bit of inspiration for June, I filtered through some of my past writings, I have had quite a few poetic moments on this blog. I realize how badly my posts as of late surely pale in comparison. Believe me, some of my thoughts and moments could compete, but I can't publish it all. You will simply have to wait for my autobiography to be published. :) This year is definitely zooming by, I feel like we just got through New Year's and already six months have evaporated before our very eyes. It has been an emotionally up and down time, sometimes I feel like I'm just floating helplessly in a creaky little boat on a stormy sea, but I'm hanging on to the boat, not the shore, popping my Dramamine and doing my best to ride the waves. Everything comes gradually at its appointed hour, there's a bigger picture and plan. So, we keep on rolling along. Shouts out today to Richie , it's his birthday and I hope he has a good one, still do my best to be a goo...

There Are Days I Don't Feel Strong, When I've Given My Love To The Last Drop, and My Hand of Friendship I've Extended So Far It Is Sprained And Sore, and I Feel So Empty. I Give of Myself, Not Expecting Return, But Sometimes Even I Deserve A Refill. :-( Thanks, my blog friends who send me little notes trying to do just that... You are loved back. I'm sorry that I am not so strong, as some days are harder than others. Some of those days I feel like writing it out, here, and some I just don't dare. I wrote a poem today... It goes a little something like this: I cut open my heart and allow you to look upon the very beat of it; Raw, fresh and blood-laden my pain belongs to me, and me alone-- For the beat of my heart, it has no Home... and loneliness is a dark and dreary shack where I rest my head, for now. As my weary eyes watch in wonder while another bright sunrise fades into a stormy night, I scramble for a flicker trying to hold on to the light. If by chance, I...

I'm taking things slowly but surely, as in baby steps... Here I am posting again rather quickly! Although I don't have a lot to say right this moment, except that I am glad that the weekend is near, I dropped by to let you all know that I'm Alive and Kicking... It is what it is, and I am working on it all. I'll keep you posted. ;-)

Still not doing so well on the blogging, I am trying though. I just can't muster up enough to say but I haven't given up, so don't give up on me. Today I post this song, as it is how I feel at the moment. Sometimes we love people, and they don't or cannot return the favor, but love given is never lost and I know that. When I DO love, it is with all of my heart, full-force, and it is REAL. Still, throughout our lives we have all experienced unrequited love and it sucks. Here are the lyrics to the song for lazy people, or those who don't like the style of music. The artist is "Vivian Green", the song is called "Cursed". Have a day. :-| "Cursed" I'm cursed with loving you baby It hurts cause you'll never know it I was put here to hopelessly love you And you ain't thinking of me that's the torture I go through It's been a long long time now And I'm still trying to get you out of my head, of my heart, of my whole damn...

Well I am slowly but surely trying to pick up and come by and post. I still haven't had enough time to get everything packed into one day that I need lately. Still under a few different fogs. I'm trying though. Richie's grandmother passed away yesterday, and there have been a multitude of work projects weighing down. I thought I would pop in quickly and just say hello to my wonderful readers who have thought enough to stick around even though my absence has been longer than I intend most days. The weekend is here, this is Friday so why not have a very sexy, romantic song to put us all in a steamy mood for the weekend... or not. Still, I do love this song, "Lost In You" by Tank . Whatever you do this weekend, enjoy and stay safe (especially anyone who's doing left-over St. Patty celebrations).

Do you guys even read this crap? Dunno, maybe the right person who needs it will get something from reading it. Being "Back" as I said before, is still a bit of a hit and miss for me. It's not been for a lack of trying, and I still hope to get back to writing a lot more. As with anything, it's a process and we have to take it one day at a time. I'm not going to lie, there have been many things in my life that were probably more than noteworthy over the last few months, but unfortunately they are things I just can't write about publicly. They're things that are best-kept to my private journals, which don't actually exist mind you, but I really should go back to writing my journals. I think it would help me immensely. I guess life is all about changes. Sometimes they're good, and they feel fantastic, and sometimes they feel like someone took a lead pipe to your knee caps and ripped out your liver with a fork. But we have to go through them, and we ha...

Oh yes, things have been quiet around the Forrest for a good little while. You could hear the crickets, and I haven't said much lately, but I'm back and intend to get back in action and start writing. So look forward to this, maybe I can pull some interesting stories out of my hat. Meanwhile, as with any good program, we'll be back after a word from our sponsor...