We're really staring straight down the barrel of Christmas now, it's a four-day week and then we are off Friday and Monday for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have no pepped up feelings about the holidays at all. Mostly, I just feel dread, as I have to go home to Mom's house and as much as it pains me to say that I can't really enjoy visiting Moms because it's so depressing, but I HAVE to go because if I didn't she would fall apart with sadness, and nobody else will go see her at all, except on holidays, so I'm really the only person she sees except her Wednesday appointments with her sister to get her hair done, Ms. Billingsley down the road and the church folks.
I have to admit that it hurts me to think about it, makes me pretty glad I don't have children in a way. Because you love and devote your life to your family, then you get 70something or whatever and they all go off and have their own lives and don't come check on you or just come in for a cup of coffee just to visit and break up the long, monotonous dreary day. She feels sad a lot because nobody ever comes by. Then I just feel worse. So even if I had children, more than likely I would still be gearing up just to die alone.
It's life I guess.
Then the shopping for Christmas, I like to do much of my stuff online... because I simply despise crowds and stores and just the whole experience. So I try to get away with as little trouble as possible. Besides, people are so hard to buy for anyway, and unless I have someone to get gifts for that have a specific need or I know they appreciate, then giving gift cards or money are easiest, even though that's not very personal.
Like Mom again for instance. She has too many "knick-knacks" so she doesn't want anything else that she has to 'set' anywhere in the house. She is hard to buy clothes for because she refuses to wear anything that fits, and she's so small, it's hard to find things that fit anyway. Plus she's picky, so it's really better off to take her shopping for clothes.
Musically, I have avoided Christmas songs like the plague, and instead opted to continue my normal listening to my own music collection, CD's, playlists. There's not much Christmas music that I feel is very uplifting anyway, it gets more sickly annoying than peppy. Except during the month of July, when I might have a couple of days of strange Christmas yearning... of course out-of-place and odd. Me Me Me!
Movies, that's really where it's at... The most enjoyment I get out of the Christmas season is watching my favorite holiday movies. I guess I live vicariously through their perfect families, humor and holiday spirit. They are usually comedies, but some drama. My favorites are "A Christmas Story", "Bad Santa", "Just Friends" (not really considered a Christmas movie but set around the holiday so it is in essence for me, the Charlie Brown cartoons and some other cartoons that I remember enjoying from childhood... there are a few. "Christmas with the Kranks" wasn't bad, and then of course the "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Christmas Special" was good, because that's just incredibly funny, raucous humor.
It will be over before I know it though, and on to a brand new year that will zip by ultra-fast, once again, so I guess it'll be o.k. Yeah, I know I write a lot of posts about staying positive and motivated and looking at the bright side, trying to progress and ascend and bring joy... Just doesn't apply to holidays for me. I gotta have at least holidays off from being awesome. Ho, ho ho!! Give me a break. =)
For the video treat to this post, I couldn't embed, so Click Here to see South Park's episode "A Very Crappy Christmas".