Do you guys even read this crap? Dunno, maybe the right person who needs it will get something from reading it.
Being "Back" as I said before, is still a bit of a hit and miss for me. It's not been for a lack of trying, and I still hope to get back to writing a lot more. As with anything, it's a process and we have to take it one day at a time. I'm not going to lie, there have been many things in my life that were probably more than noteworthy over the last few months, but unfortunately they are things I just can't write about publicly. They're things that are best-kept to my private journals, which don't actually exist mind you, but I really should go back to writing my journals. I think it would help me immensely.
I guess life is all about changes. Sometimes they're good, and they feel fantastic, and sometimes they feel like someone took a lead pipe to your knee caps and ripped out your liver with a fork. But we have to go through them, and we have to sit and take what comes our way and either sink or learn to swim, quickly.
I don't want to drown, believe me, and sometimes lately I have felt like I was drowning. It sucks the big one.
Love is a big part of who I am, and I have such a great amount of love in my heart to give, it's not even funny. So for it to go to waste, that hurts me immensely. Some days I am able to keep a smile on my face, and others I just feel like giving up altogether. I am in pain.
O.k., so when do we know when to really throw in the towel? Or do we throw in the towel? When is the time right to cut our losses and stop trying to pick up the same old broken pieces off the floor, and cut ourselves trying to put it all back together?
To me, love is bold, love is unafraid, love can conquer anything. 'Love doesn't quit, and never gives up.' Right? Right. Real love wins out, it comes back to you when you let it go, we're not supposed to have to sweat any of the "small stuff", and it's not supposed to be this hard!
I'm just trying to be a little bit more like Love I guess.
Take it away Jimi!
A few quotes that may further illustrate what's on my heart today I guess...
"You say that love is nonsense. ... I tell you it is no such thing. For weeks and months it is a steady physical pain, an ache about the heart, never leaving one, by night or by day; a long strain on one's nerves like toothache or rheumatism, not intolerable at any one instant, but exhausting by its steady drain on the strength." ~Henry Brooks Adams
"In our ludicrous efforts to 'change' and be perfect, we try to fashion a perfect world for ourselves. We start to imagine that we are actually in control of our world, which is further from reality than an all-parrot moon landing. The universe, our universe, is out of our control. We live on a speck drifting around in an infinite vacuum with countless trillions of other specks. Our world is in a perpetual state of perfect chaos and entropy, with everything falling apart and dying and being born haphazardly. Meanwhile, we try to make life as neat and clean and orderly as a computer research facility, when in fact it is more like a junkyard. It always has been, and it always will be, no matter how much fussing and sweating and striving we do to make it different." ~Robert White
"Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart."
"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be."
...And to YOU, and you know who you are... I Love You forever even if that means nothing at all, or if it helps you to be happy, good. I want that, I do, so don't get it twisted. If it's not possible for you to be truly happy with ME, just at least go and be truly happy.