I popped by "However" (Chelly's blog) and nicked this quotation...
"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts." (-Jim Morrison)
This got me thinking... Some of my worst mistakes have probably been haircuts too... although not all of them (I will post a few photographs of some of these tragic haircuts I had just as soon as I get my hands on some).
I've had a few 'doosies' and "near miss" incidents in my life, as well as things I wish I hadn't done... but we can't go back, can we?
Sometimes when I go home (home to Mom & Dad's house), I feel the essence of my youth, and I seem to expect a time warp of sorts... as if I am there long enough, then maybe all of a sudden the 'kids' will all come driving up the driveway and things will be like they are supposed to be again. Once again, things will go back to being 'right'. I close my eyes tightly, then when I open them I look down at the end of the driveway and still, nobody is there.
I feel guilty on the inside for ever leaving home. Maybe that is part of being the baby of the family? I can see my family, my Mom and Dad and the house so clearly in my mind, being just as bright and full of joy as ever. But it is as if I am standing outside it looking upon it in a glass case... it is there, somewhere in time but I can't get back in... I can only view it in my dreams now.
So, sometimes I take the notion that maybe, just maybe things would have never changed if I hadn't moved away. Maybe Daddy's condition wouldn't have worsened, maybe Mom wouldn't have had to quit her job at Wal*Mart, the one she loved so much--that seemed to keep her going at times... Maybe I wouldn't have ever grown up at all. Maybe the rest of the family wouldn't be in pain and maybe everyone could be back together again, same as it ever was... Dad always called me a "Pipe Dreamer". I guess he is right about that... I'm constantly dreaming of a time when everything goes back to perfect. But was anything ever perfect?
Perfection is a state of personal perception over a time of life which seems so fantastic now in retrospect. I know we've always had problems of one thing or another... So this is all a big bunch of ridiculousness that I have dreamed up in one of my better trippy moments I suppose... If so, I guess I prefer to live my happy illusion that things were indeed perfect. Everyone else can harbor their resentments of the past.
So sure-life moved on, and yes I did many things that I shouldn't have done, some of which I wish I actually 'hadn't' done... but then everything you do, and everything you go through brings you to this exact moment and makes you who you are today... so I guess true regret would depend on just how much you love yourself right now.
When I think of my philosophies on Life, I always try to pass on the "No Regrets" policy... and I guess for the most part, I don't have that many regrets. However hard we try, though most people at least have a few. What regrets have you?