What The Hell Happened To Me?

We all have our daily routines, we reach a goal, hit a milestone, get comfortable. Sometimes we stay there and bask in that one glow for way too long... Change buzzes all around us, but sometimes it's too scary so we hide right in the center and let it spin right past. There is a price to pay for comfort.

Growing up, I do remember wanting to be a nurse until about fourth grade. It was at that time that my mother enrolled me in a local art class taught by Mrs. Meacham. I never looked back to a medical profession again, but lived a life of a "wannabe artist" from there on. "Art Fever" had taken control of young Jackie.

Early on, the aspirations took on that of a "Film Animator". I wanted to live in California, and work for the likes of Disney, Warner Bros., and really blaze a cartoon trail. Then later, Illustration won my love, and I wanted to design book and magazine covers, albums, Billboards, even package designs. My work would be the deciding factor that drew you in, and made the sale.

I daydream back to those lovely warm days in Commercial Art and Graphic Design class, the delicious scent of inks, markers and paint thinners. Memories of sitting at the drawing tables, using X-acto knives and linoleum cutters, having love affairs with type styles, clip art, comps and images while Rock 103 played on throughout the day on Mrs. Varnadoe's old radio (she dared anyone to change the station).

I pittled my time away, giving in to "fun". A GREAT idea would sometimes fizzle into unfinished projects. I lost my "zing", my motivation waxed and waned. In short, I graduated with the competitive drive of a sloth, but eventually took a small paycut to leave Wal*Mart and go to our local town Newspaper. That was it, I was working "In the Field" at that point.

Eventually, I took a higher-paying job in the Printing industry, where I remained entangled for quite some time. I worked in printing long enough to lose track of the technological advances that had taken place by then, and lacked the confidence probably to ever try to update my portfolio and still go for the big guns of Graphic Design. But, printing is semi-related to 'the field'... right? No, not really. Not at all. But it did help pay the bills.

Later on, of course, I would meet the charismatic and talented "Mr. J" and be inspired to join the ranks of Information Technology and Web Design. My experience and training in Graphic Design wasn't a total loss, it actually sticks with me and is a big part of my life and work today!

Still I wonder, where would I be if I'd worked hard, stayed the course and given my all to my dream of Illustration and Design? One can only reminisce and dream of where that road might have led.

In short, each day of our lives we are presented with decisions. Sometimes these decisions seem small at the time, but they can have more of a significant effect on the big picture than we realize. Every small thing we do is important to the universe, and it makes a difference. Besides, who knows what comes tomorrow? I can only live moment to moment.

It's all food for thought I guess.

I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the
things I didn't do when I had the chance.