Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Bite Me!

(Today's angry obscenities are brought to you by the letters "F" and "U").

Ok, now I'm taking a little time out to bitch... I feel like a good post full of rants. I need to blow off a little steam. So take it as you will, I am going to ramble a bit. You may have to finish this post in sections, or by all means take it all if you are in the mood to read today. I pre-apologize for any over-lengthiness, harshness or obscenities... I simply must let flee my feelings and get it all out.

Where oh where oh where should I start??

Fit To Be Gagged And Bound

In trying to get back to some sense of normalcy since my Dad's untimely passing, we have of course been trying to keep with a workout schedule as much as possible. Now, Richie and I know how to use the machines, and we workout "Smart" when we use things, we are polite, re-rack our weights, we wipe down machines, and we try to be respectful of others around us who are trying to get in a quality work-out.

You go out to any sizable public gym, and you will find those qualities exceedingly rare.

First off, the "Inside Voice" problem seems to extend to these Workout Warriors and Barbell-wielding Barbies and Supercharged Soccer Moms. They not only get on machines and carry on loud laughter-infused conversations with one another (while I'm trying to tune them out with my Music, and the volume will only go up so much), they also find the most bizarre ways of working out to entertain my funny-bone. Sometimes ya just wanna club em. There was this one lady who was on the elliptical machine, turtling along, not even at a fat-burning speed with a textbook strapped across the machine. So these people are attempting to read books and/or magazines and get some sort of quality workout. Then there was the guy who turned the treadmill up so fast he could've hit the interstate, with his feet on the sides of the machine he promptly "jumped" in at full force, and went stomping pitifully trying to keep up. He looked like a sweaty, retarded-Clydesdale version of the character "Putty" from Seinfeld.

Also you will find all manner of people with ridiculous medicine ball rituals, and kinky-gravity-defying stretches, in their tight, disgusting Lycra outfits showing us their "GOODIES"... sorry guys these are baddies in my eye. These include Fat Men and Fat Women in Lycra (I include myself and specifically do not wear Lycra here lol), Anorexics in Lycra or men and women with those overly-short, floppy-material shorts that allow things to freely dangle. Put on some damn clothes people, and save the ridiculously "personal" workout moves for the bedroom or living room at home.

Everyone's been privy to the Overly muscle-bound Meathead who only works his biceps when lifting, or lifts a weight that my grandmother could've lifted while making the guttural, painful war cry of the Ogres... just for attention. Last but not least the "Fitness Superstar Hardbodies" who run around with their dyed, jet-black hair and butta-faces. They wear the Lycra, and of course they have the body for it. However, to look at their faces, I can't tell if they're sitting up or standing on their heads. They stretch, bend and make porn-star maneuvers on the weight machines, making sure everyone in the house can see their ASSets... I'm sure this is just a female rant... the guys don't seem to care.

No matter what, though it would seem that a little bit of respect, and social graces could be upheld even when you're getting your sweat on.

-End of Fitness Rant-

Road Asswipes (I've touched on this so many times I am just going to give it a rest. We all know about rude, asshole drivers. Especially if you live in Memphis. I'll save this for another day down the road... no pun intended).

Subway Takes Us For A Ride

*Does anyone else feel "slighted" when you get the short end of the loaf?? This is especially true if you're ordering only one sandwich and they pull out an already cut-in-half bread, or if they cut a fresh loaf in half for you, but then give you the "little one". WTF?!?! How hard is it to cut a loaf clean down the middle?? Is this some sort of sadistic plot?

Gimme an even loaf dammit!!

So anyways, Wednesday nights have been our band practice night of choice for some time now because my Drummer has a "Trivia gig" at one of the local pubs on Tuesday nights, and we've had so much going on, so Wednesdays are it for right now. On my way home, Richie calls and gives me his Subway order... he wanted a double-meat turkey sandwich with double-cheese (on Wheat) and all the veggies, Spicy Mustard, no mayo and a little oil and vinegar. He wanted Sun Chips and a drink. So I decided I wanted the same sandwich, except with no tomatoes, and also I thought it might help the Simpleton-Sandwich-Artists if I didn't make the order too much of a challenge. Drive-thrus are one thing, you're almost guaranteed mistakes or some type of assholery in the Drive-thru, but Subway, I mean come on. You're right there in front of their face and ordering clearly and quite audibly. The sandwich makings went fine, except for the *uneven loaf conspiracy. So I get to the register, and I said I would like to make these both meal deals with chips and a drink. This somehow threw the dumb-dumb for a loop and she had to ask her co-worker how to ring up the sandwiches as meal deals... Also, when I said this, I SPECIFIED LARGE DRINKS. She rang me up for the regular ones, and then didn't even offer to remedy the situation when I pointed it out. She simply said, "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you." Ok, so you missed that fateful day at Subway University when they went over how to "Listen" to your customer, and how to take and fill an order with accuracy, and ringing up meal deals must have been part of the class entitled "Advanced Cashiering 101".

I guess she must have been out with the Flu.

-End of Subway Rant-

Tommy Lee Eat Your Heart Out, Please!

(warning of obscenities on my part, just fyi I usually try to keep it down on the blog for family, so family just overlook it)

So we ate our Subway supper, and prepared for band practice. Richie (my Mr. J), wanted to work with the drummer and our bassist, Tom on the new song that he had put together. It was going to take a while until I could work with some lyrics, so I decided to go out and sit in the little break room area we have in our rehearsal space. Now let me just make the note that we rehearse in a space where there are quite a few practice rooms, and quite a number of different bands use this same facility. So that's a given. I know that I am not the queen bee and I am going to have ultimate privacy, but I at least thought I was going to get a few moments of solitude. I started out with my pen and paper, with the idea that I might write some lyrics, or just some ideas down. Peace lasted all of 5 minutes, when this band of 'Wannabe Tommy-Lees' converges on my space bubble. I glance up, and here they come waltzing in loudly, cussing a blue streak and talking about what they really need to be doing so that they can get famous. I had headphones on, and obviously was there for the quiet, and they never lowered their voices. As well, they didn't try to talk to me at all, just sat there bullshitting in their own little world. I was so irritated, I just started writing it out right there in front of them. The result is what follows (no edits).

"Now this really pisses me off. I'm sitting here clearly to get some solitude and I've got my huge headphones on and everything and four full-of-themselves rock assholes just plopped down and are bullshitting like it's no tomorrow, and like I am not even here. Yacking about the biggest bunch of stupid shit I think I've ever heard. Just a ton of crap about what they need to do to be come big famous rock stars. Like they need to pay some stupid amount to go do a gig at the "Whiskey-A-Go-Go". Then all of a sudden they'll have it made? Then I tried to tune their asses out but they just kept sitting there foaming off at the mouth with their dumb aspirations of big-haired stardom, shitty-muthafucka-damnfuckshit and their whores. No fucking inside voices? Fuck you assholes. I'm here too. They just converged on my little quiet time like I was some greasy, green booger on the wall. Like I couldn't hear their pointless ranting. Basically people everywhere just continue to make me sicker and sicker until I want to club them over the head with a flaming molten lava-coated torch."

People are just Fucking stupid everywhere. Must be seeping into the water supplies or something. The way I see it there are 3 kinds of people:

1. Those I care about
2. Stupid Clueless assholes
3. Rude Pieces of Shit

Let me simplify that into just two (2):
1. Those I like
2. Those I want to crucify.

Fair Enough?

Am I mean and cynical? You bet your ass! I am customer-service all day long and I have days when I never meet a stranger. But deep inside, sometimes I can get so filled with hate and hostility that it would singe the hairs on the back of your neck. Is that healthy? Probably not. But I think letting it all out is. Hey, I don't really keep a lid on many of my feelings. Is it good for my Karma? Doubtfully.

Probably why my Dad has been taken away. Yeah. All my fault. Sometimes thoughts like that occur to me. I guess it's only human. Maybe I really don't think it. Maybe I have to work hard to keep my mind, well "Imagination" from running wild.

Hey I will admit it... I'm being real here.

So when someone tells me how sweet I am, or how polite and what a nice person I am, deep inside, I roll my eyes and just wonder "What if they only knew?" I mean, yes I am sometimes. I do care about many things and some people. For instance, I care a great deal about animals of course. I care for my friends, the ones I allow to get close, care for my close family and I do honestly think you guys (my blog family) rock! So consider yourself lucky. The rest of the human race can burn in hell.

Sweet... No, none of it is an act or anything. There is just a time and a place for everything, and I know when, what and where and conduct myself properly and accordingly. I've been taught that you can catch more flies with sugar than vinegar, and that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Guess I inherit a great deal of it from my Mom. I do have a good heart, and I am basically sweet to those who earn my concern and my heart. However, I'm always watching and waiting for that moment when someone earns my "worst". So don't tread on me. ha-ha!!! :)

And... I'm actually going to cut this shorter than I'd intended today. I planned on discussing some of my feelings as of late regarding Mom. Some of my thoughts and worries about how things are going to go from now on, and just get some of the postmortem stuff off my chest. I think I've run out of energy. I have some notes jotted down about it, and I am just going to save that topic for another day. It will be a whole post to itself, so I don't mix it with my rants and raves.

Thanks again for indulging me and I hope you enjoyed my little fit of rage.

Until next time... AJ--OUT!!!


Reb said...

AJ, you do a good rant. Coherent and concise.

I am so with you on not being able to stand stupid, rude, loud, people. I just wanna smack some people upside the head most days. I love the visual of the ``flaming molten lava-coated torch``.

Fortune Cookies said...

Oh, girl! Preach it! I would love nothing more than to wrap my hands around the necks of every rude, self-important, over indulged ass hole's neck and squeeze until their inflated heads pop right off.

Jay said...

I usually get a foot-long sandwich at Subway so I can have the second half of it the next day at lunch. Or all at once if I want.

But, it does piss me off then they use a dirty knife to cut the bread. Especially if that knife has mayo on it. Gross!!!!

BBC said...

Hey, stop making me read so fucking much hon. Actually, I didn't read all of it, ha ha ha.

So I dropped into the beer church yesterday on the way back from camping and to keep a long story short, Ann (the owner)demonstrated a vibrating cock ring on a customer, ha ha ha.

I get upset about many things, but life here does have it's amusing moments.

Furtheron said...

Hey AJ - had to file this in "read in installments later" pile... :-)

It is good to let it out - do not keep it in.

back in the day I used to sit seething about this shit all the time, mostly as I watched pint after pint of Guiness disappear down my throat and it never got any better.

Now I don't let it get to me as much. If I can I simply walk away, I avoid it, if I can't I focus on the fact that I only have to endure whoever it is for a short period of time, I sometimes try subtle sarcasm etc., I try to think that they are very sad sick people, I'm lucky I phone members of AA and explain my thoughts what happened etc. and normally we just laugh about it and our reactions to it. Then I move on. Don't let them "live in your head rent free"... I love that little one.

I bumped into an old acquaintance - he was off his box again. He started on about how he was going to be on tour with Iron Maiden and this and that, the girls the drugs etc. etc. So sad - he just sounded such a f***ing loser. I smiled through it all. Then he said - "let's have a drink and catch up" I said "I don't drink anymore and really I don't think there's much we have in common any more" He looked totally lost - he knew I'd not bought one word of the bullshit and it was like a pin had burst his bubble...

Sorry - long comment but hey it was a loooonnnnggg post... :-)

furiousBall said...

like that last image, sounds like you need to stand up and shooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttt!!!