Drown and Smother

Since I was a child, I have had the occasional fever blister. Most recently, I had one like two weeks ago, and then this week (after this past Friday's extremely stressful and emotionally wearing day), I popped up with another one. This greatly distressed me, as I feel really bad on a daily basis about how I look to start with, and then to appear even more diseased with these mouth blisters makes me really go off the deep end.

So I was thinking about what causes these hellish plagues. I know first off that it is already in the Herp family y'know and lies dormant in the nerve cells until it is triggered by some type of stress, or trauma to the affected area anyways... I know that sounds bad... It's NOT THE GENITAL type, of course, but it still makes one feel disgusting. Even though it is NOT, it could turn into something like that if one doesn't exercise the proper cautionary measures and cleanliness in order to prevent passing it on or having it spread.

So yeah, stress and bad eating habits... I feel like that probably has slightly affected my immune system enough lately to allow a double dose of this cursed asshole of a fever blister to occur. Also I have just been moody and feeling like crap as a whole, so that doesn't help.

This weekend is the last straw... Whether Mr. J gets back on board and helps me stay on track or not, I am getting my life in order. I'm sick and tired of being unorganized, lazy, having a less-than-nutritional diet and just this horrible melancholy that comes along with total disorder and stressful day-to-day situations. Something has to give, I have got to kick things into high gear myself I guess.

Tonight I am starting by going home and cleaning as much of the house as I have energy for. I can't stand having company over when the house looks like ground zero. Pisses me off when it's like that, and Mr. J invites his clan or crew over unexpectedly and it's trashed like that. That adds further stress to my already anti-social, wanting to hide in my shell, uni-bomber inner AJ. Then I get feeling worse.

So anyone near me reading that, take heed and maybe wait until tomorrow to "pop by unexpectedly" eh?? Fair enough? I'm asking nicely.

Only I can change these things... But just occasionally I wish I had more help or encouragement from those I love... Life just seems to lose a little more gloss every day.

Therefore, change is a'comin... Gotta get these things in order, get my habits under control, and get back to feeling better. Pump up the immune system, get my energy and self-esteem back into normal range and stop popping up with these stress and depression-induced fever blisters.

That's about all I feel like going on over right now... Here's a very relaxing song that I enjoy from the good ol' days. It's called "Drown" by the Smashing Pumpkins.

Enjoy the day... cease the moment... no regrets!