Tuesday, January 12, 2010

No Songs For Me

Our weather in the south, as most of you probably know, has been unseasonably cold. We get our "cold snaps", but usually it is not as frigid as it is further up the map. I don't mind it at all, really. I have always loved winter weather, and cold temps. Often, I have wondered why I stuck around this place rather than sprouting my wings and flying off to New York City or someplace like I always dreamt.

The biggest reason, I guess I would have to say is my parents. Being 'the baby' of the family, I worried too much and felt too compelled to stay closer to them. In some ways I regret allowing myself to feel this way and miss out on further adventures, and in other ways I am glad I remained close and spent as much time as I could. Unfortunately, when we pick door number 1, we must give up doors 2 and 3... all we can do after that is lie around reminiscing and wondering "What If".

My life has been a good one, there have definitely been less fortunate people in this world than me. I've experienced great love, wonderful friends and family, and quite a few misadventures too. I've been good and I've been bad. Still, I would someday love to sit down and have a cup of coffee or three with a few of my alternate selves. We'd spend the afternoon sitting out at some sidewalk cafe with our hot Javas, and I would grill them for the juicy details on the things that they chose that I didn't get the chance to. What kind of life had they led? Who was "The One" for them? Did they have children? So much I would love to know... things I would enjoy sharing with them too (if they were interested).

Somehow, though, in the back of my mind I just know that my life story would pale in comparison to theirs.

As a woman, I've never had the opportunity to experience what it was like to be a "Barbie Doll", or a "Goddess". I was usually passed over for the prettier friend. In school, I was never accepted by In Crowd, or even remotely popular. In fact, I was barely visible. That's how I felt at any rate. My moments of greatness popped in for a visit, so there have been times in my life that I was made to feel like a goddess, but those times were very short lived. There was always somebody skinnier, small and cute, more exotic, or perfect around to snuff out the small bit of candlelight that made me glow.

So from time to time, I sit back and revel in the enjoyment of remembering those high points and live vicariously through them.

Oh well, so you won't find any historic love tales written with me as the heroin, and they don't write songs about girls like me. That's o.k., I've made peace with that. It only made it that much more "Special" when my occasional Knight In Shining Armor saw my inner goddess and dedicated someone else's song to me.

"... And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world."

Oh how sweet that must be.


BBC said...

Women that think they are goddesses and deserve to be spoiled are a pain in the ass.

Alternate selves hey? I've experienced life a lot of different ways, now I just live the life I love to live the way I love to live it. Basic, as a bum.

Anyway, no snow here but I built a snowplow for the riding mower just in case.

Take care hon.

Four Dinners said...

'Our weather in the south, as most of you probably know, has been unseasonably cold'

Get a LIFE!!!! Come to England and you'l know what COLD is this time of the year!!!...;-)

By the way.

You can be a Goddess to me anytime babe x (long as Mr don't mind)...;-)

Jay said...

You're pretty goddessy if you ask me.

And being popular, like being normal, doesn't look like all that much fun to me. ;-)

Reb said...

AJ, it is way to much work to be a goddess (a friend of mine - not me) and far too boring to be mundane. You have talent and can write and sing your own songs. Nothing wrong with staying around home, you have plenty of years ahead of you to do 'something' else too.

Ily said...

There's nothing wrong with not being a goddess...I couldn't pull that off even I wanted to! lol

Yes, it must feel good to be admired and adored and have songs written/dedicated to us (I had a guy write a song for me once)...but it's more about how we feel about ourselves that makes us truly beautiful.

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...

There is nothing wrong with feeling like a Goddess from time-to-time IMO ;)

But I figured BBC would say something like that!

Dinners! I don't think he'd care haha ;) It has been in the teens around here the last few days, you?

Jay! Thanks that is really sweet of you. I will pray warmer weather to you just for being sweet. ;)

Reb! You are right about that, and those are good points... I have a hard time sometimes feeling nice about myself.

Ily! I hear what you're saying, but still rejection from even superficial things like that growing up can hurt, and affect how we feel about ourselves.

I truly wish I could find the secret to thinking I am wonderful.

You guys all rock.

Furtheron said...

What an interesting idea talking to yourself as now if you were able to talk to the ones who made different decisions?...

That needs some thinking... how different would I be? Or are you just simply programmed to be what you are? No matter what big decisions I'd made differently would I essentially be the same person....

Do you know if I could write there'd be a great novel in that

Aunt Jackie said...

I think there are alternate universes out there with alternate "us's" :)

Maybe that should be the jist of my first novel?? You are right.

Further inspiration!