Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Just Not Forever (Poem For Daddy)

Warning: I was feeling quite melancholy tonight, I wrote this poem for my Daddy. Oh, I did it to myself. That's one of my gifts, heavy emotion, making myself all sad... but it's o.k., I don't mind. I would rather feel, and go through pain, and come out the other side shining than never to have loved, or felt, or been so loved at all. If you knew my family, and my friends you would sure know how lucky I am.

That being said, and if you have dared to go this far, then read on.

"Just Not Forever"
(For Daddy - 8/29/27 - 1/14/09)

I know what they say is true

How things appear to be
but all I really want
is for you to come home
sit across the table
have a cup of coffee
we'll share a laugh or two
maybe we'll even argue
but you'll be there
and things will be
right again
This world is really messed up
without you here
to talk to,
to tell my jokes to
and to laugh with
oh, without your shoulder
to cry on when I'm sad
when things go sliding
from good down to bad,
or reversed, yeah.
Even though I know
I can still talk to you
they tell me you can hear
but I don't hear you,
not like I want
so I can't just
lean on you now
because you're not here
to listen, laugh or
tell me that
everything will be o.k.
You always said it would;
but it's hard sometimes
to believe it
though I never doubted it
No, I never doubted you
not even for a second.
You and Mama have
always been
the only real thing
that's right with
the world
and these days,
these dark and lonely days
nothing feels right
and I know she cries-
yeah, I know it brings you pain
but what can I do?
I feel so helpless
I feel alone too.
She keeps trying, I guess
wakes up one more day...
She deserved all of
them to be good days,
but now we're all just
sitting here
with holes in our hearts
where you used to
sit across the table
have a cup of coffee
share a laugh or two
sometimes even argue
but you were there
and things were right
then, yes they were,
just not forever
like we dreamt,
like we dreamt,
not like we dreamt at all.

That one is for Mom and Dad... The ultimate teachers on how to love, how to live and what a family should feel like.

Daddy we can't help it, but we miss you so much, and I just had to write this out tonight...

Please keep on watching over all of us and send a little strength our way, we really need it.

I know that your warm smile is part of the sky's light that shows our way, and that we'll all be together again one of these days.

That's my Mama and my Daddy... my heroes.


Shanel said...

new to your blog... and that post still made me sad:) ((((( HUGS))))

furiousBall said...

i miss my dad every day. missing someone like this is awesome (as weird as that sounds) it means they loved you, and of course you loved them. those hurts mean their life was good. good job AJ's Daddy, not everyone on this planet gets to have children and be loved.

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...

(sorry too lazy to switch accts lol)

Thanks so much Shanel, I appreciate that. I'm glad to see you here, and appreciate my new visitors!!

Hope you enjoy.

Furious, I know. It's very hard. But you're right, it is so awesome to know how strong love is and that it never dies, even in death.

Why Death is really just like trading cars, going from a Toyota to a Bugatti in a way.

We merely change vehicles.

Just hard some days. That's all.

Furtheron said...

Love never dies as you say... my Dad passed from this world in 1984 but he is still right here beside me today.

Sadly I often wonder what he would think of me... he only just saw me complete my college course and he knew I was planning to marry in 85 but he never saw that marriage, the house we bought as a young couple, he couldn't help me hang doors or do the gardening, he never saw the move to the new house or my kids (his grandkids) be born and grow. He never saw me do what I've done in life... which ain't much really but enough. Would he be proud? Always an unanswered question

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...


That's not an unanswered question at all... The answer is undoubtedly and unabashedly YES!!!

Love all around, just feel it. They're all there.

Even though we are sad because they're not right here visible to us on Earth anymore, you're right they are by our side.

We see only this one reality, but for them everything is possible, and if you could only hear what he whispers in your ear, it would be something like "You've done so well, what a beautiful family, I am extremely proud and I love you very, very much."

BBC said...

You know hon, you just have to move on from that, all things are temporary.

A man was shot in the testicles Sunday afternoon after a gun in his waistband accidentally discharged, police said.

The man was shopping at the Lowe's hardware store in Lynnwood around 12:30 p.m. when the gun went off, said Shannon Sessions with Lynnwood Police.

Aw nuts!!!!!!!!! Cleanup in lumber.

Aunt Jackie said...

Uhhh, Nope BBC... I don't have to do any such thing. I can honor my Dad's memory and write him poetry any time I feel like it. You write about Tits and Testicles and continue to tell me to grow up and get over things, and I'll continue to write what I enjoy, and express myself.

BBC said...

That's fine, but you should be able to do it without pain.

Bizarro Aunt Jackie said...

I do most days, because I feel Dad's spirit and presence around most of the time.

It's when I get away from feeling spiritual and think too linear, and start feeling too 'human' that I let it get out of control.

It's pain sometimes.

I don't mind pain, it helps me appreciate the happy feelings that much more, and it's just something I have to work through on my own, to learn that.

We all handle grief and loss differently, and we all have different paths. Nobody is the same, that's fact.

I'm a work in progress, better each day.

But until I achieve "perfection", which is not likely to happen in this lifetime, then I will use my music and writing to release the pain and express my emotions.