Sunday, February 11, 2007

Taking Care of Biscuits

Went home to visit Mom and Dad last night, which is something that always soothes my soul. This morning, I had about 4.5 cups of coffee (maybe 5) with her. Black Coffee, with no sugar, no creme no "anything" is the way my Mom has always had hers... I guess I get mine from her recipe and the fact that we always drank tea and coffee that way in my family.

Enjoyed sitting with her and having a nice visit to our pot of hot java though... had spent the night there and just pretended to be a kid again. However, Mom asked Richie (Mr. J) if he wanted any breakfast, and she offered to make some biscuits. Now she makes no ordinary biscuits--they have always been a magic creation in our household. She takes great pride in the makings of these biscuits too... I've eaten them any wonderful way possible... Biscuits with brown gravy, biscuits with white gravy, biscuits with sausage, or jelly or honey or just biscuit and syrup... sometimes even just a delicious buttered-version of Mom's golden biscuits. Any way you slice em, they're pure heaven. Why would this morning be any different?

Well, possibly because of my meddling. I suggested that she use Canola oil instead of Crisco (which has tons of hydrogenated everything-filling it to the rim with trans fat). She protested but went ahead and used the Canola oil so that I would get off her back. Once she got them out of the oven, she began to give me a verbal lashing about how flat and ugly her biscuits had turned out and that it was my fault because I tricked her into using Canola instead of Crisco... "When I was growing up," she taunted "we ate them made with Pure-D Lard! And we were just fine!" Then she went on ranting about the ugliness of these crumbly creations. "I just can't believe this, rolling them out was like rolling out a piece of rubber. They don't look good at all, they're awful."

"They look beautiful!" I assure her... "Starving people in China would be happy to have these biscuits Mom. To them, these biscuits would be gorgeous!" (A line used on 'us children' so many times, right?) "Ohhh Jackie!!!!" she retorted. "Well this is your fault! I should've just used my Crisco."

"WELL, I AM SORRY!!!!" I shout, pouting. (A line that I would come to use near 100 times before the day was over)

We force my Dad to have some ham and one of the biscuits, as he is diabetic and it's time for a snack for him anyway. He does so, reluctantly... he never wants to eat regular meals, I guess he prefers to get near coma state and then have to drink a softdrink to regain concsiousness... However, he eats the ham and biscuit with a smile. "See, they're good aren't they Daddy??"

"Pull my finger." he replies.


"Yeah, they're good..." Mom volunteers the words she thinks Dad is thinking, "for a piece of RUBBER!"

I groan pitifully, "I'm never going to hear the end of this am I??"

"No, probably not--you know how I hold grudges" she said.

I take my cameraphone out and snap a photo of the regal, Canola-based biscuits, and then proclaim "I'm sorry, but this has been too much fun--I've got to put this on my blog."

"No you won't either!" Mom threatens, "You've already had me up there with my Corn Cob pipe and that was bad enough, and I don't want these biscuits to go up-they're plain ugly!" Then she orders Richie to take the cameraphone away from me and delete the photo of her biscuits at once.

"That isn't going to work, he doesn't even know how to work his phone, he's not deleting anything from mine! Just give it up Mom, the biscuits may not be pretty on the outside, but they'll make your heart and arteries sexy!" I announce proudly, yet with a sarcastic grin. She shakes her head in defeat... and with one last try, "You better not put them up on that internet!"

I think I might be grounded. :)


Chelly said...

Mmm, they look good to me regardless! Your mama is so cute!

Now AJ go to your room and think about what you've done!! :)

awaiting said...

All I can say is now I am hungry.

And, I am laughing my butt off!!

Ashley said...

I can so not drink my coffee black...ugh. Funny post!

RockDog said...

Aunt Jackie, for the love of all that is good, please take this picture down. This isn't how I remember the biscuits being. Why did you go and ruin such a good thing?...and give your Mom back her Crisco! LOL!

Steven Novak said...



her indoors said...

you intervering little madam you, hope she made you eat all the biscuits!
omg the word verification it dtits lol

Kris said...

I'm jealous.

Aunt Jackie said...

I see you're all turning against me! Fine! No biscuits for you.

Nana said...

Oh you are is soooo much trouble now missy. I'm telling!