Deep In The Forrest

There is a pretty significant gap between my last post and this one, which I didn't intend, but as usual it happens sometimes. I was looking at my last post, and trying to remember why I would even toss that sort of "quickie" lame type of thing up, but I was probably just trying to post and was pressed for time. Lame, lame, lame. ;-) The time between that and now has not been the most pleasant,  I've had some issues and gone through a few things. No reason, honestly for me to detail all of that, I don't want to put every detail out to the m-asses, but just know I am working through it, looking forward to it being all better soon, and doing my best to "keep on keeping on"... after all, whateva will be, right? Everything from the last few months has written home to me about how I truly need to press forward and utilize my talents more. This life is so short, and we waste so much of it catering to others' satisfaction and happiness, including but no...

What battery percentage is your phone on right now?: 93% Do any medical afflictions run in your family?: There has been some cancer and diabetes Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say?: Told one of my best friends "Talk to you later." What's your favourite Mexican dish?: Probably either Enchiladas or Arroz con Pollo Have you ever been to a professional sports game?: Yes How far do you live from New York City?: Lil over 1,000 miles How often do you talk to your parents?: In spirit, all the time--They have passed on. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else?: Ewww nobody wants to hear that lol What was the weather like in your town today?: It's very hot but a pretty day Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot?: Yes How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had?: I don't know Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop?: No, well birthday cakes maybe from a grocery store bakery. What was the last mo...

T he other day, I was lazing around in bed watching Netflix and happened across "Back to the Future" (Part II to be exact), and I was remembering the funny quirks in the movie, which is set in the 1980s, plot starting in 1985. Originally the characters Doc Brown and Marty McFly go back to 1955 to go do some damage control to save Marty's parents, and then in Part II we begin on October 26, 1985. 'Dr. Emmett Brown arrives in his flying time machine and persuades Marty McFly and his girlfriend, Jennifer, to come back to the future with him to help their future children. Biff Tannen witnesses their departure. They arrive on October 21, 2015, where Doc electronically knocks out Jennifer and leaves her asleep in an alley, explaining that she should not have too much knowledge of future events. He has Marty pose as his own son to refuse an offer to participate in a robbery with Biff's grandson, Griff.' Then even more trouble ensues. You can read all about it here at...

Was feeling weirdly nostalgic on old "Mob Music", and well, music that is somewhat like that, stuff that I kind of always said I would play in my own "Cafe" if I ever had one. I dig this stuff from time-to-time, I get on my weird old 40s music kicks. Must have something to do with a former life lol. Well, it's not just 40s, but if you were sitting in my cafe right now having some coffee, listen, chill and relax... with Jax.

I watch the beings of this world run around in these flimsy, fragile costumes we were each assigned with, and well, I often wonder why any of us have come here. This place is scary, it is the stuff of horror movies and tragedy, where it feels most days like the only thing truly fictional about anything or everything here is its comedy (the amount that exists is minuscule). Things are only funny for a fleeting moment, we're dosed a spoonful of joy or laughter, just long enough to trick us into taking down full force the bitter medicine that follows. If we truly chose to incarnate here, and take this as some sort of assignment, I really want to know why. I want to go back and see what the other options were, as they must have been unthinkable to have me choose something like this, it can only have been a last resort. I woke up feeling this way, as my soul is just aching for the comforts of home.

Dear Me Living in 2016,  Felt some sort of an S.O.S. call, and it took me a minute to figure out which one of us was in need of our support. Turns out that it is you, so I hope this does not arrive to you too late. After realizing that our birthday was here (YESTERDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!), it all came to me. Yes, I know that you probably don't think that your 16 year old self could be of much wisdom or assistance in crises of 'adult affairs', but I think you will remember that our highest self is pretty much one in the same, so while I might not yet know everything I need to know, I guess I am being used to convey what is needed (don't shoot the messenger)!!! (You love exclamation points, remember?) Okay, so I wasn't told the exact circumstances or events or dates of things that have happened in your life. I haven't been told "TMI" ha-ha!! (Too Much Information) because of the affect it might have on me, but I was just told you needed a word from...

Moving forward, looking to the future with positive thoughts, yet "living in the present", you know, staying in the NOW, that's all people preach. Don't get stuck in your past, it can only hold you back and keep you from living your life and achieving success... blab blab blab. I mean, there is truth to the fact that we need to always "live in the moment" because it is all we have in the palm of our hand, and of course have some aspirations of future dreams to work for as we do so. However, PISH POSH to the idea that reveling in our wonderful memories and keeping them close, thinking of them anytime we need to feel those feelings and remind ourselves of a thing because we need it badly, I don't think that is a bad thing, and I won't apologize for it. Do you ever panic, though, for just a quick moment while trying to remember something... something they said, a joke they told, or some significant piece if information that they shared once in a dista...

Dear Mom and Dad, For some reason, when I decided to write you this letter, I stupidly went looking around the internet for ideas on what to write. It was interesting, as I found a couple of nice articles that gave me a little inspiration. However, I thought to myself, "Why on earth are you looking for an idea on what to write to your parents from someone else's mind? You're the talented, magical one. Your words and your heart are all you need to write anything." Then I agreed with myself, ate some gummi bears, basically nullifying my healthy salad that I had for lunch, and decided to go ahead and dig in, just as if I were there at the kitchen table with you both sitting there. The smell of smoke still permeates the air of that kitchen in my memory, no offense (but all offense would be taken) as I can't even put a number on the thousands of cigarettes that were smoked in that house over the years that it belonged to our family. All of the games of Dominoes you p...

Some Dads are Grumpy Some superheroes don't have capes, they are called "Dad" .  Hello, my name is Jax. I'm a real woman, one who gets mad when other women run down good men, good Dads, and try to play down Father's Day, or claim it as "Single Moms Who Had to Act As Fathers" Day. In fact, Moms get praise and attention way more often than just Mother's Day, but Fathers rarely get their well-deserved praise, sometimes not even on Father's Day. Sorry, but I know way too many extraordinary DADS (including the one I was blessed with, and I'll get to that in a minute, I digress). So NO LADIES, that won't quite cut the mustard with me. Mothers get their very own holiday, and you can wax poetic about your struggles as a single mom on YOUR day (even though we give you mad props, in all honesty, bless you all). Plus we praise our Moms pretty much every day anyway. {Sidenote: I'm honestly seeing and hearing of a lot more "deadb...

Ha, here's a quickie for ya today, and I'm sure a lot of you will appreciate that... I had some sudden onset of Strep Throat (this is unofficial and self-diagnosed actually, and since I've only had it once, I did the best I could to analyze this and self-medicate).  It seems like it was a roaring success though, I have been taking the liquid Thera-Flu that covered fever-reducing and pain relief, as well as cough and sore throat... I didn't really have any nasal issues with this except just a little sinus as usual. I gargled with Hot Salt Water, and took Raw honey. In the interest of quick recovery so I could get back to work, I went ahead and refilled the prescription for the Zithromycin (Z-pack) Antibiotic. I was going to let myself get over it naturally, but I didn't want to miss any more work than necessary. I am just getting back to the grind you know. Therefore, I'll write more later, just wanted to give a quick update. This and the same ole frustration...

I'm struggling, daily. I am unhappy with my choices and my situations, my attitude, my health, and myself. Nobody has to lecture me, I get it. This is all my responsibility and something I can control. That's why I am so mad at myself right now, because I CAN control this, but I don't. I have allowed myself to get apathetic and lazy, then get upset because my life isn't what I want it to be. I should be treating myself like I treat the partners I have had in my life, but instead, I spend my time treating others like I want to be treated, and rarely getting that in return. So, yes I am struggling. I have allowed everything that I have gone through in the last few years, not really to break me but damage the hell out of me enough to make me treat myself like I don't matter, to ruin my life. After a phone conversation with one of my closest friends this morning, I started thinking about all of this stuff... how there are really no excuses for bad nutrition, lack ...

This morning I popped over here to the blog with intentions of writing some little sentimental post about "Him" (Z) but I looked down and I spewed too much word vomit in the other post from February entitled   Time, That Slippery Bastard . So how can I, in good conscience, do another damn post with him as my main focal point?  I really can't. However, as I have once again gotten frustrated and depressed, I have really felt a horrible urge to jump in my time machine and escape back to that time once again... the time where he acted crazy and did stupid things just to get to me and spend time with me. The time when he, turning flush red with want, shyly approached me to tell me just how enchanted he was with me. A moment that charged with electricity affects a woman seriously. Gentlemen, it sticks with us... for life. May never see his face again in this lifetime, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I was an adult female, but I became a grown woman in ...

Time is just on crack. I can't believe it's already nearly June, and the last time I posted was sometime in February. I am getting back in here to post more, and really didn't even intend to or realize I had allowed such a gap of time to pass without posting. In my defense, my life has not been normal for some time, well a lot of time actually. I still wake up sometimes and look around hoping that everything has all been a depressingly bad dream, but each time I do, it's quickly apparent that I was awake, and not going to 'wake up' a second time. Now don't get me wrong, I am tired of shit being shitty, but I'm not blaming anyone but myself, and I am not bitching about it "like that", so hold your "get over it" and "snap out of it" comments. Save them for some other pitiful soul who you find to be annoying, dark and depressing. I'm FINE. It's my blog and I'll bitch all I damn well please. Now I don't usually...

Well, I am at it once more, wallowing in a pool of sexy, romantic, memory inducing music. I have been doing this for a couple of days now. When this happens, sometimes it is with a certain person from my past on my mind ( Z ). Sometimes it is just a melted together memory storm of everyone and everything I've been through, as the years have zoomed by. Time gets away from me, time causes me pain with the passing of it and with all that comes and goes with it. The dirty bastard will take your loved ones, steal your lovers, sit up with you on long, lonely nights and remind you the exact moment you took that dastardly turn and your whole world went wrong. He is a truly heartless scumbag at times. Hey no worries, I'm not in a bad mood, so don't come at me with any lectures about keeping on the sunny side of life, please. I'm just running off at the mouth. That's what this is for, I can vent, I can wax poetic, I can simply entertain, whatever I feel... my blog right? ...

As usual, I am swimming against the current and not staying in the flow of things, but I honestly do try. I don't know what my deal is.  Yes I've been still trying to write, and I have been journaling, although I have a little gap because yes I'm trying to slack. I hate that about myself. Anyway, I have been doing a few things, superbowl stuff, goofing around, and also still job searching. But I paused tonight to go back in time to some music that feeds my soul... I try not to stress myself too much about anything and enjoy the moment (hence the importance of staying in the flow), because "For all we know, this may only be a dream. For all we know, tomorrow may never come." Enjoy today.

Nothing much going on today, I am just doing a little reading, catching up and trying to get more job leads. I do enjoy the time off, but I am no fool, I know I have to work for a living. I have been submitting resumes and I have a few bites, so I hope something will pan out soon. Since re-opening this, my original blog, I'm wondering how everyone is doing. Are you guys out there? Still reading, writing? I'm trying to check back by on everyone and see who's still activated and current, and who's still long gone. If you are new or old to this blog, still, feel free to leave me a comment. Let me know you're out there. Let's all get back to writing more. It is doing me some good, and I think I am doing better... at least from expressing myself. As for life, well, I am still forced to take that moment to moment. Here's mud in your eye ;-) Jax (Aunt Jackie)

Growing up, my life was more like Creeping Cars and Curfews because my parents were the over-protective, God-fearing type. As much faith as they said they walked in, my Mom was always convinced that I was going to die in a fiery crash, or choke on a spaghetti noodle and be lost to this world tragically and forever. Dad helped out by always accompanying me to buy cars, ensuring that I had the slowest one on the road. I always tried to tell them that you could be sitting in your living room, hiding from the world and if it was your time to go, a plane could come flying in and crush you, and that you could no more cause it to happen (unless you're the suicidal type) than you could run away from it if your number was up. The spaghetti noodle would know where to find you if it was your time to go. Even so, I still found my way into trouble more often than not, but I learned how to keep it hidden and somehow by grace itself never found my way into any trouble that I couldn't g...