Monday, June 20, 2016

Air of December

Moving forward, looking to the future with positive thoughts, yet "living in the present", you know, staying in the NOW, that's all people preach. Don't get stuck in your past, it can only hold you back and keep you from living your life and achieving success... blab blab blab. I mean, there is truth to the fact that we need to always "live in the moment" because it is all we have in the palm of our hand, and of course have some aspirations of future dreams to work for as we do so. However, PISH POSH to the idea that reveling in our wonderful memories and keeping them close, thinking of them anytime we need to feel those feelings and remind ourselves of a thing because we need it badly, I don't think that is a bad thing, and I won't apologize for it.

Do you ever panic, though, for just a quick moment while trying to remember something... something they said, a joke they told, or some significant piece if information that they shared once in a distant conversation over coffee quite a long time ago? Because you need to hear it right this second, and they were the only soul that knew this piece of intel, you didn't save it or write it down and you need to ask them so badly, "What was that again?" Only they are not there to ask, and you are left with the knowledge that you can never hear it again. So unless you suddenly and magically remember it, or you happen to hear whatever it was later in life or in an alternate universe somewhere, it is lost forever.

I've done this with my Father's jokes, and important stories about his life, and my Mother's recipes or her little known facts about people about town or members of the family. I've done it with little home remedies Mom shared, that worked only for me and because only she could breath life into them giving them the magical properties that they had that healed me. Sometimes it isn't necessary information at all, sometimes it is just something you need to hear and only their voice will do, and it is lost to this world. It is such a strange feeling, that voided-out home-place at times in your life when you most need to go there, you start driving south and remember suddenly that it no longer exists except in your mind.

Oh yes our memories comfort us, and in having nothing but those memories left at times, I won't condemn any of us for sneaking through the cracks and hiding inside them for a while. Sometimes that is the only place that I feel safe.

These memories are not just loved ones who have passed on to the next chapter, if you will, but also recollections of lost loves and dead heartstrings, yes we miss those too and may need to visit once in a while, to that time when they burned and sang brightly.

I know you think me a foolish girl, one who refuses to mature ("Oh Grow Up!!") and live life like the serious dying vessel that everybody thinks we gotta 'come to terms with' at some point in our lives. Though we have those days where we may feel tired, run down and like our bodies are dying, I'm just not that serious dying vessel. Responsibilities and taking care of things that we bring into our lives, the things we feel we cannot live this life without give us enough serious work. I prefer to spend the rest of my time in my happy place, my comfortable alternate universe that I have fixed up for myself. A foolish girl, I am not, but one who lives in her fantasy world and is plenty happy there, maybe that is me... Who are you to judge what works for me? Nobody, I am sure you have enough work on your own.

I don't mind letting you in on a few of my idiosyncrasies here and there though, that is why you are here... to take a stroll through my "Forrest" (yes, that's right misspelled on purpose because I just wanted it that way).

Now, here is a tribute to someone who makes me feel cold and unwanted at times, and I need to work on this area of my life but in the meantime, Edie can speak for me.

"I remember you
Put a chill across my face
Like the air of December
I swear I remember it that way
I swear I remember it
Where are you now?"

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