Deep In The Forrest

I watch the beings of this world run around in these flimsy, fragile costumes we were each assigned with, and well, I often wonder why any of us have come here. This place is scary, it is the stuff of horror movies and tragedy, where it feels most days like the only thing truly fictional about anything or everything here is its comedy (the amount that exists is minuscule). Things are only funny for a fleeting moment, we're dosed a spoonful of joy or laughter, just long enough to trick us into taking down full force the bitter medicine that follows. If we truly chose to incarnate here, and take this as some sort of assignment, I really want to know why. I want to go back and see what the other options were, as they must have been unthinkable to have me choose something like this, it can only have been a last resort. I woke up feeling this way, as my soul is just aching for the comforts of home.

Dear Me Living in 2016,  Felt some sort of an S.O.S. call, and it took me a minute to figure out which one of us was in need of our support. Turns out that it is you, so I hope this does not arrive to you too late. After realizing that our birthday was here (YESTERDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!!), it all came to me. Yes, I know that you probably don't think that your 16 year old self could be of much wisdom or assistance in crises of 'adult affairs', but I think you will remember that our highest self is pretty much one in the same, so while I might not yet know everything I need to know, I guess I am being used to convey what is needed (don't shoot the messenger)!!! (You love exclamation points, remember?) Okay, so I wasn't told the exact circumstances or events or dates of things that have happened in your life. I haven't been told "TMI" ha-ha!! (Too Much Information) because of the affect it might have on me, but I was just told you needed a word from...

Moving forward, looking to the future with positive thoughts, yet "living in the present", you know, staying in the NOW, that's all people preach. Don't get stuck in your past, it can only hold you back and keep you from living your life and achieving success... blab blab blab. I mean, there is truth to the fact that we need to always "live in the moment" because it is all we have in the palm of our hand, and of course have some aspirations of future dreams to work for as we do so. However, PISH POSH to the idea that reveling in our wonderful memories and keeping them close, thinking of them anytime we need to feel those feelings and remind ourselves of a thing because we need it badly, I don't think that is a bad thing, and I won't apologize for it. Do you ever panic, though, for just a quick moment while trying to remember something... something they said, a joke they told, or some significant piece if information that they shared once in a dista...

Dear Mom and Dad, For some reason, when I decided to write you this letter, I stupidly went looking around the internet for ideas on what to write. It was interesting, as I found a couple of nice articles that gave me a little inspiration. However, I thought to myself, "Why on earth are you looking for an idea on what to write to your parents from someone else's mind? You're the talented, magical one. Your words and your heart are all you need to write anything." Then I agreed with myself, ate some gummi bears, basically nullifying my healthy salad that I had for lunch, and decided to go ahead and dig in, just as if I were there at the kitchen table with you both sitting there. The smell of smoke still permeates the air of that kitchen in my memory, no offense (but all offense would be taken) as I can't even put a number on the thousands of cigarettes that were smoked in that house over the years that it belonged to our family. All of the games of Dominoes you p...

Some Dads are Grumpy Some superheroes don't have capes, they are called "Dad" .  Hello, my name is Jax. I'm a real woman, one who gets mad when other women run down good men, good Dads, and try to play down Father's Day, or claim it as "Single Moms Who Had to Act As Fathers" Day. In fact, Moms get praise and attention way more often than just Mother's Day, but Fathers rarely get their well-deserved praise, sometimes not even on Father's Day. Sorry, but I know way too many extraordinary DADS (including the one I was blessed with, and I'll get to that in a minute, I digress). So NO LADIES, that won't quite cut the mustard with me. Mothers get their very own holiday, and you can wax poetic about your struggles as a single mom on YOUR day (even though we give you mad props, in all honesty, bless you all). Plus we praise our Moms pretty much every day anyway. {Sidenote: I'm honestly seeing and hearing of a lot more "deadb...

Ha, here's a quickie for ya today, and I'm sure a lot of you will appreciate that... I had some sudden onset of Strep Throat (this is unofficial and self-diagnosed actually, and since I've only had it once, I did the best I could to analyze this and self-medicate).  It seems like it was a roaring success though, I have been taking the liquid Thera-Flu that covered fever-reducing and pain relief, as well as cough and sore throat... I didn't really have any nasal issues with this except just a little sinus as usual. I gargled with Hot Salt Water, and took Raw honey. In the interest of quick recovery so I could get back to work, I went ahead and refilled the prescription for the Zithromycin (Z-pack) Antibiotic. I was going to let myself get over it naturally, but I didn't want to miss any more work than necessary. I am just getting back to the grind you know. Therefore, I'll write more later, just wanted to give a quick update. This and the same ole frustration...

I'm struggling, daily. I am unhappy with my choices and my situations, my attitude, my health, and myself. Nobody has to lecture me, I get it. This is all my responsibility and something I can control. That's why I am so mad at myself right now, because I CAN control this, but I don't. I have allowed myself to get apathetic and lazy, then get upset because my life isn't what I want it to be. I should be treating myself like I treat the partners I have had in my life, but instead, I spend my time treating others like I want to be treated, and rarely getting that in return. So, yes I am struggling. I have allowed everything that I have gone through in the last few years, not really to break me but damage the hell out of me enough to make me treat myself like I don't matter, to ruin my life. After a phone conversation with one of my closest friends this morning, I started thinking about all of this stuff... how there are really no excuses for bad nutrition, lack ...