"Getting it Right This Time"

January 15, 2016

Well, I'm blowing the dust off my original blog and seeing what I can do. I'm not going to blow up the post with any promises or jibber jabber about how I always neglect or fall off my creative endeavors, sick of listening to myself. So I'm just going to blog, journal, write and create. I don't do resolutions, but I'm going to hold myself accountable for doing at least a little bit of creating, creativity, etc daily.

So when I decided to physically begin "Journaling" again (not to be confused with Blogging), I was advised by a friend to do this by hand in ink, actually write it out not just type journal entries, because she said the "majick" and the therapy, what I needed out of this part of my writing was in the handwriting. This doesn't mean I can't share once in a while what I did journal, even if I realize it's mostly supposed to be for myself, personal work not for public, I am just so awesome, sometimes I need to share. Yes I enjoy writing and having people comment and chime in.

So, what started out as my first "journal entry" in this reanimated endeavor was something I just really felt like sharing digitally as well. So, without further ado, I give you the digital copy of my first hand-written journal entry this 15th day of January, 2016.

"Getting it Right This Time"

I'm not quite sure how to begin. I called Kim to tell her I am about to "officially" begin this hand written journaling thing. I guess I get so caught up in trying to make it very noteworthy, like I am writing to an audience that I actually had to sit and rationalize how to write for just me. Then I began to think-- even that thought itself put restrictions on what I was doing. The point of this is to relax and let it flow. I realized that I write like this naturally, as if I am always talking to somebody, which I am. Besides the fact that I am (without question) NEVER alone, thanks to my "God Posse" (i.e., God, Spirit Guides, Angels), but most likely one day, the chances are really good that I will be gone and someone somewhere will actually find this. Therefore, it is perfect for me... writing and making it good is something I do that I do for myself, it makes me :-) HAPPY. Plus, I like thinking it made someone else happy too (hence the love for feedback). So I give myself permission to be too picky here (OCD if you will). This is MY STORY. =) -->

Okay, so the title of this piece referred to getting the date right, as first I wrote 1/15/15, then I wrote 1/16/16 lol! Weird, but okay. So I don't get a lot of things right, so? This lifetime has become somewhat of a TESTAMENT to me basically fucking up (that's right, it's my journal I can cuss if I want to). I hope to someday stop fucking up, of course, but it's highly unlikely given the fact that this hellhole of a place is Earth and I am wearing this ridiculous, heavy and completely awkward "Human" costume. So all I can do is try my best. I am and have always been great at starting things. However, I'm not so good with finishing those things, but I am going to make my best effort to keep journaling, writing and working my creations.

More than likely, I'll go down in history for never finishing much of anything, or maybe win the award for "World's Greatest Procrastinator". Furthermore, I may never die because I will keep putting it off until the next day. However, if I do happen to "Kick the ol' proverbial bucket", effectively completing this magically delicious level of life I somehow roped myself into, my tombstone will probably say "Here lies Jax. She finally finished something she started."