Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Youth Is Wasted On The Young

Looking around me at many of the people I used to know, I have become even more painfully aware than I normally am of how old we are all getting (in numbers).

"I thought growing old would take longer." ~Unknown

Just a small notation, I have been going through some health issues, that I haven't exactly blasted online or on social media, my close friends and family know the details, but it has been challenging for my schedule trying to work, so I am doing a bit of a balancing act, and just keeping positive. I'm doing okay, though, if anyone reading is wondering... Maybe i'll write more about the actual situation a bit later. I am just wanting to write more regularly, anything to get myself back into the creative flow. It's hard at times.

Anyway, as I began writing this, maybe a couple months back, I was just browsing around on Facebook, and searching out of boredom, like I do from time-to-time, and suddenly there it was "suggested friends"; his profile... His face.

I felt almost sick at my stomach, I looked up and there his name was, glowing as if in some sort of neon Broadway musical sign, and I don't know why, we have no mutual friends, he was just all of a sudden "there", and he had a photo finally, and when I clicked his profile, I was snapped into a heavy reality. He's old... It's been that long, he's aged, not very well, and I can hardly believe my eyes that he is the one I was so in love with. Does a photo do someone justice? Does their spirit shine through if we were to meet in person again? Would I see beneath that outer skin, that costume and the feelings for that soul begin to stir again? Or was that just a moment in time that may or may have not been a dream, and can never recur?

These are the things that began to race through my mind when I saw him... the same eyes, and crooked little smile on his face, but lighter, not as bright, saggier, grey. Was it really this man that I was in passionate embraces with for hours on end? Holding hands, not wanting to let one another go at the end of the night? My head is spinning, I don't know if I can really handle this feeling right now.

Why does everyone have to grow old? We never really realize what we have until it is gone, it zips by so fast and we take precious moments for granted. Youth truly is wasted on the young.

The Pain and Beauty of Growing Old, and Aging Gracefully

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Whateva Will Be

There is a pretty significant gap between my last post and this one, which I didn't intend, but as usual it happens sometimes. I was looking at my last post, and trying to remember why I would even toss that sort of "quickie" lame type of thing up, but I was probably just trying to post and was pressed for time. Lame, lame, lame. ;-)

The time between that and now has not been the most pleasant,  I've had some issues and gone through a few things. No reason, honestly for me to detail all of that, I don't want to put every detail out to the m-asses, but just know I am working through it, looking forward to it being all better soon, and doing my best to "keep on keeping on"... after all, whateva will be, right?

Everything from the last few months has written home to me about how I truly need to press forward and utilize my talents more. This life is so short, and we waste so much of it catering to others' satisfaction and happiness, including but not limited to their "approval" of what we do and how we live our lives (usually this applies to family, especially in my case--and PLEASE DON'T COMMENT THAT YOU DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS, I KNOW THAT, I'M NOT ADDRESSING YOU, JUST SPEAKING IN GENERAL)--that was my Disclaimer thanks.

I know that it's a free country and everyone can comment what they please, but it really irritates me when I am just writing in general, making a point or just expressing my own thoughts and someone has to clarify that shit, "Not me, I've never cared what anyone thinks, I live my life the way I want" or something like that. Everything I write doesn't need a contradictory response, or a lesson in reply. Thanks.

So this morning, I'm not very busy and I just felt like typing a little bit, as I type fast, I really enjoy typing and it always seems to relax me. Writing, poetry, lyrics, stories, etc--that is one of my biggest loves along with my art and music, I really want to do more with it, and given the opportunity I am sure as hell going to try.

I've lived my entire life, thus far, taking care of everyone, staying near home out of guilt and worrying about disappointing my family. It is high time that I get some real joy and quality of life out of whatever I have left. Word... 100... enjoy your day.


Wednesday, August 31, 2016

I Put A Spell On You

What battery percentage is your phone on right now?:93%
Do any medical afflictions run in your family?:There has been some cancer and diabetes
Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say?:Told one of my best friends "Talk to you later."
What's your favourite Mexican dish?:Probably either Enchiladas or Arroz con Pollo
Have you ever been to a professional sports game?:Yes
How far do you live from New York City?:Lil over 1,000 miles
How often do you talk to your parents?:In spirit, all the time--They have passed on.
Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else?:Ewww nobody wants to hear that lol
What was the weather like in your town today?:It's very hot but a pretty day
Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot?:Yes
How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had?:I don't know
Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop?:No, well birthday cakes maybe from a grocery store bakery.
What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with?:By myself, I watched "Old School" last night.
What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend?:Lee
Do you clean your ears daily?:Yes
What accent do you have?:Southern
What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom?:Rain or something like that
Have you ever dated a model?:No lol
What's the best job you've ever had?:Web designer
How about the worst?:Medical records clerk
Do you have naturally straight hair?:No it's wavy
What is your ultimate goal in life?:Survival
Have you ever visited someone in prison?:No
What months were you and your siblings born in? :February, June, July and December
Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them:Nope I have a mental system
What are your three favourite vegetables?:Broccoli, Cauliflower and Spinach
How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network?:Countless
When was the last time you had a blockednose?:Couple days ago after being out on my motorcycle.
Who is your favourite comedian?:I'm not sure
What colour are the socks you're wearing today?:None
What did you have for dinner last night?:Yogurt
What was the last concert you went to?:I think it was Rob Zombie
Are you an ugly crier?:Yeah
What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower?:I like Caress and/or Dial soap
Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle?:Yes
Who do you live with?:Friend/Family
What letter does your street name begin with?:P
Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows?:Yes
When was the last time you ate at McDonald's?:Earlier this week, chicken biscuit
What's your favourite Popsicle flavour?:Grape
Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say:Jessica, and it was just talking about the holiday
Do you have any injuries at the moment?:Not really
Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist?:Yeah
Do you own any animal print clothes?:No
Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this?:I guess a little above average... I'd be taller if I could.
When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? :Walgreens is my place, sometimes I just shop there... idk, last week?
Do you ever binge-watch TV shows?:Yeah on Netflix or Hulu
Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only...:Yes absolutely...
to be rejected?:Yes absolutely...
Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place?:I try
What's your favourite sweet treat to bake?:Chocolate Chip Cookies
Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested?:Somewhat
What did you have for breakfast today?:Chicken Croissant from BK
Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts?:I like good ol' fashioned grits, pancakes or even just cereal
Do you like chick-flicks?:Yes
Have you ever taken an acting class?:No
What is your favourite kind of berry?:Blueberries
When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies?:Last Night
How often do you use Youtube?:Daily sometimes
Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson?:Prince
What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween?:The Devil
Are you ignoring anyone right now?:No
How do you usually style your hair?:Curly or turned up on ends if short...
Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them.:Yes... don't feel like detailing.
Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there?:Yes I remember that happening at Walmart.
When was the last time you used a stove?:Over the weekend.
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat?:Yeah anything yucky.
Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now?:Sitting at desk
How many hours per week do you typically work?:40ish
What was the last pill or tablet you took?:Aspirin a few days ago
How far away from your house is the closest grocery store?:Less than 5 miles
Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing?:Yes
Who was the last person you complimented?:Myself
Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty?:Yes
Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?:Nah
The age old question: dogs or cats?:Cats
When was the last time you saw your best friend?:This morning in the Mirror =)
Do you know any couples who resemble each other?:Idk
Have you ever been fired from a job? Why?:
Are you tired right now?:Yes
Do you like spring rolls?:Yes
What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc?:Street
How many purses or handbags do you own?:Idk
Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles?:Idk
Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear?:Yes
When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker?:Today
What's your favourite type of curry?:Chicken
Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget?:Sometimes
Who makes you laugh the hardest?:Idk
Have you ever had casual sex?:Yes
What was the last thing you paid for with cash?:Food yesterday
What's the last letter of your middle name?:N
If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer:No
How long is your hair?:Medium
What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that?:Verfang is named after a WoW character, Dion is named after Dionysus
Do you drink diet or regular soda?:I avoid it most times, occasionally a little regular coca cola
Have you ever been to Europe?:Not yet
Do you worry about your own health?:Sometimes
Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make?:Hell I don't know
Can you smell anything right now?:Yes, my own deodorant
How old were you when you got your first cell phone?:Idk
When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes?:Idk a few months ago
Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices?:Yes
Have you ever been on a spring break trip?:Yes
Would you rather be warmer or colder right now?:Colder
How tall are your highest heels?:5 or 6 inches I guess
What's your favourite flavour of frosting?:Chocolate
When did you wake up today?:4:30 a.m.
Do you change your appearance often?:Sometimes
What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb?:White blocks
Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why?:Yes, because they were a weird creeper.
How many people do you work with?:I don't know
What was the last thing you ate?:Sandwich
Do you have any plans for three hours in the future?:I don't know
Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you:Yeah of course