Deep In The Forrest

I missed posting for my Dad's birthday, August 29th.. and some others. The weeks are just blurring together. I'm once again looking for work, and my self esteem is at an all time low. I feel like crud (emotionally). Have been in a weird phase lately, trying to stay afloat, trying to find some sort of motivation, some sort of inspiration, but it never comes. I'm struggling, and it is not letting up just yet, even though I feel like I've been waiting for that "light at the end of the tunnel" for nearly a decade now. That's one ridiculously long tunnel. All I want is to feel secure again, and to have a reliable job to go to, a long-term "permanent" job doing what I love, which is web development-related, creative. Is that so much to ask? I'm so sick of getting the rejection letters from companies. All I need is a foot in the door to prove that I can be great. This downward spiral has to have an expiration date. I swear I have done my...

Just on a music kick tonight, and I had forgotten about this song, which speaks so much. "Jealous" by Labrinth I'm jealous of the rain That falls upon your skin It's closer than my hands have been I'm jealous of the rain I'm jealous of the wind That ripples through your clothes It's closer than your shadow Oh, I'm jealous of the wind 'Cause I wished you the best of All this world could give And I told you when you left me There's nothing to forgive But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was Heartbreak and misery It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way You're happy without me I'm jealous of the nights That I don't spend with you I'm wondering who you lay next to Oh, I'm jealous of the nights I'm jealous of the love Love that was in here Gone for someone else to share Oh, I'm jealous of the love 'Cause I wished you the best of All this world coul...

My emotions have been "running amok" lately. That's nothing new, to be honest, I think I have lived my life on an emotional roller coaster of my own engineering. My belief is that it is something I revel in, rather than feel guilty about. My emotions and I have a very tight and loving relationship. Even when it is overflowing in a huge vat of depression, I am proud of the fact that I feel so deeply, and am also able to express what's on my heart and mind (most of the time). I sometimes feel sorry for people who hold everything in. You never know what is going to happen from one day to the next, I would much rather have said what I need to say, and let people know how I feel about them rather than let something happen and they not know. Now this doesn't always apply to times when I need to let people know how badly they have hurt or are hurting me. For some reason, I am not so good at this, although I think it bears equal importance. It is something I am working...

Well yes I am inconsistent. I love to write, wish I wrote for a living, but yet end up with the worst gaps in my posts / writing ever. Then I beat myself up for it because I love writing and want to write, and have regular visitors and readers, etc, but I really don't think people are reading anything I post. Even so, I still write for myself as much as I do others. The feedback is still something I enjoy, and I always wish people would comment and communicate with me more. Anyway, I figured it was about time for me to toss a post together. Facebook's reminders told me that it is "National Siblings Day". Really, one of those little known morsels, things we either forget, or they're really not that big, right? Nonetheless, I thought the little tribute I wrote to my sisters last year on this day was worth a re-post / re-link. So here you go, once again, For the Love of Sisters . I do love my family, we just all have such different lives and things going on tha...

Once again I have been abusing "Tortilla Soup" (meaning I have been watching it every time I see it. I love the music. I love watching Hector Elizondo cook (even though I'm sure it's a stand in on the cooking shots, i'm not sure). However, it's one of my feel good movies. This song puts a smile in my heart. Perhaps... Quizas...

The first month of the year has come and gone, and today is February 1st. Fall really flew by, way too fast in my opinion, and I'm still a little depressed that the holiday season is over, to be honest. I like the lights and the music and the holiday movies. I like imagining that I live in New York like my favorite characters in so many movies that I watch on repeat. Man, I can't even really count how many times I have truly watched some of them, but it's up there. This was something I was thinking a lot about just the other day, how I watch t.v. shows like "Seinfeld", and "Friends", and movies like "You've Got Mail" that overly-romanticize New York City for me. They make me think, 'Hey I could actually afford to live there, and isn't it glamorous and cool?!' I have often fantasized that I would run a cool, trendy coffee shop and be a part of the art scene. These movies and t.v. shows make it so over-hyped though, it is unfa...

No fancy plans, stories or gimmicks really for this post. Just grief  for the passing of yet another year gone by. I just thought I would take a moment to reflect and send out my best wishes to all of you, those I know, those I don't know--Anyone who might actually be reading this, which I doubt is anybody at all, but may miraculously be one or two people. If you're reading this, thank you. I try to find reasons to keep blogging and writing, and I know it is silly to want feedback, or some sort of confirmation from others, but just knowing someone reads and appreciates our words, thoughts and feelings (selfishly) does mean a lot to me. I miss having readership, I always enjoyed getting the comments back, but things have changed a lot with blogging. Nobody really does it anymore I guess... or not many. Those who do, it's usually related to a specific project they're working on (as a marketing tool), or it is one of those blogs where you already have a huge following, and...