Am I still caught up in some whirlwind? It seems like my energy just waxes and wanes. I know it's been a few weeks now, and my family has good days and bad days, but we are still all in quite a bit of grief and emptiness without my father. Things are just very hard.
My mother, of course, has it the worst because she was there with him day in and day out for 48 years, my other sisters had him longer than I did, but still there is a huge empty well that used to be filled with his laughter, spirit and love.
Lately, it seems that I can't do anything without thinking about Daddy. Washing my motorcycle, I was reminded of how often we would wash cars together or when he would do his part to try and teach me about automotive things. I can't ride my bike either without remembering him teaching me how to drive everything, since I was just 2 years old, teaching me to shift and always allowing me something to drive. Certain television programs only echo his laughter. The house is blue and lonely without him.
When I am there, spending time with Mom, it's so hard because I feel like I can't make anything better and I can't really do or say the right thing. Then she's been sick with a cold and I worry about her getting worse in that way, even though I know I can only do what I am able to help and support her. I can't grieve for her, I can only be there.
Sometimes it's all too tough to take, so if I slide out of reality and try to enjoy things that are childish or lighthearted, I will not apologize for that. We're all different, and have different ways of handling things, as well we all have different feelings and beliefs about the world and the universe. I respect yours, and hope only for mutual respect as well.
Today is also the Weekly Words Challenge (WWC) (hosted by Tink of course). The keywords are "9" and "Desire". Honestly, I have not felt like taking any photos in the last few days, so I am going to skip this week... sorry guys. But check Tink's Blog, and feel free to enjoy everyone else's submissions.
Maybe I will be back later with updates or other thoughts, we'll see how the day goes.